The New Joke Thread

[Buzzman]

NFOMCL

That is GOLD.

Feeling a little horse now, from laughing so much....

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by D&D

In the UK, some supermarkets have admitted that there is horse meat in their home cooked burgers. (etc..)

Okay. That's a fantastic addition to the thread! You win!

[darylat8750]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Okay. That's a fantastic addition to the thread! You win!

Well, I had no idea that had happened so it made the stories relevant.

[john61ct]

Nothing wrong with eating horse meat, no idea why people should get fussed about it.

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by john61ct

Nothing wrong with eating horse meat, no idea why people should get fussed about it.

In the immediate instance they are fussed because an expectation was broken, they expected to be paying for and eating beef/cow and instead the got cow mixed with horse.

More generally some folks have more sentimental attachments to horses that make eating them unappealing, like eating dog or cat.

[delmarrey]

IN THE CONFESSIONAL

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."

[D&D]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud
pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunk
stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the
morning!”

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s pouring
rain out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t
you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys
helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of
yourself!

“God loves drunk people too you know.”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out
into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still
there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk.

[Ryan H]

Important plackard for the cockpit

[svmariane]

Reference the occasional outbreak in this thread concerning sexist jokes, I thought that - even though we all have busy lives and important things to do - we might take a moment (or eight minutes) to imagine ourselves in another place, with another attitude, and another perspective. So I give you the "Drum Battle of the Sexes" and let the chips fall where they may. The punchline? You figure out the winner.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rz5EtpSx87g

[svmariane]

You need not be a Classical Music buff for this to put a smile on your face!
{Red Nose Day events....}

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLXwpGCn2KQ

[socaldmax]

[Eigenvector]

And Down On The Farm.......

[socaldmax]

Maybe he was a movie producer!

#metoo!

[Sawbonz]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Maybe he was a movie producer!

#metoo!

#memoo

[StuM]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Maybe he was a movie producer!

#metoo!

Took me a while to spot the double entendre.