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Old 24-12-2017, 20:07   #2716
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A bit late but good for next year.
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Old 24-12-2017, 20:18   #2717
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Re: The New Joke Thread

We have all been there.
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Old 24-12-2017, 22:23   #2718
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by john61ct View Post
That's very nicely phrased!

But it was the winter solstice.
Not if you're in Queensland, like the poster.
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Old 24-12-2017, 23:27   #2719
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I'm just glad I don't have a Chimney!

Merry Christmas to All
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Old 25-12-2017, 22:49   #2720
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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That's very nicely phrased!

But it was the winter solstice.
Not where we live buster!
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Old 29-12-2017, 15:30   #2721
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A few good ones that I got today. I guess I'm at the tail of the web.
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Old 01-01-2018, 14:51   #2722
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Re: The New Joke Thread

You, who worry about Democrats versus Republicans -- relax, here is the real problem...

In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States ...It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.

The class was taking it in and letting her rant, but then a few jaws hit the floor when she upped her argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"
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Old 01-01-2018, 15:54   #2723
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Re: The New Joke Thread

And of course, she votes too.


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Old 01-01-2018, 16:02   #2724
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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However, one girl in the class
I suppose we should be happy you didn't make her a blonde.
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Old 01-01-2018, 16:07   #2725
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I suppose we should be happy you didn't make her a blonde.
Oh no, here comes another anecdote. Funnyish and true story.

Went into a local service station to get a propane tank filled. The only person on duty was a young woman, blonde, with make-up, not exactly what you’re expecting to find. I wasn’t sure she’d know how to do a propane fill but she handled it with ease. And then when I made a comment on the price, she gave me a short lecture on supply and demand and how it applies to the petroleum industry.

Park your prejudices at the door.
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Old 02-01-2018, 13:41   #2726
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 02-01-2018, 14:01   #2727
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This reminded me of an actual true story…

I was in my mid 20s when I was having some drinks with some people from work and their spouses. One of the couples had just had their first child and the mother tells us a story about a late term ultra-sound of their new child. So the ultra-sound technician is performing the ultra-sound and is walking the young couple thru the both the mom’s and babies various parts. Both the new mom and dad are super excited watching all of this and as the technician moves the ultra-sound probe over one area he states: “and here is the babies diaphragm” to which my buddy/co-worker replies: “Aww it’s a girl? I was hoping for a boy but a girl is nice too…”

After the laughter subsided, I really felt sorry for him...
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Old 02-01-2018, 18:41   #2728
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 03-01-2018, 08:38   #2729
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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That is excellent, took a second though
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Old 05-01-2018, 15:49   #2730
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Re: The New Joke Thread

An olde classic ...

IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door ... only to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't running.

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it... Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying ... and wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other..



‘Look Paddy ... there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!'
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