Holy offensive spam! A post a minute, all pasted from the same domain, few truly funny
, all virtually identical memes, the majority of which advocate a specific ideology which is promoted by demeaning its opponents. socaldmax
, may I suggest you simply post a link to glamisdunes.com
and be done with it? Better yet, just refer people to the one to the left.
Back to the jokes; a revisit of the best puns from this thread:
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Next I tried working in a muffler
factory, but that was exhausting. I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it. Then I attempted to be a deli worker. But any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy. Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.
Then I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income
. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance
company, but the work
was just too draining.
I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. My latest job is working at a coffee shop. It's kind of boring; every day is the same old grind.
I'm looking for a new job. I started as a watchmaker, which was great because I made my own hours. Unfortunately, I didn't have the hands for it.
Then I tried being a grocer. But it only offered a meager celery and I came home every evening beet.
I tried to be a chef
-- figured it would add a little spice too my life but I just didn't have the thyme.
I thought about joining the army. But my name is William and everyone kept yelling "Fire at Will!" Plus, they're only looking for recruits of high caliber.
Then I was offered a job as a cartoonist. But the entire industry seems a little sketchy.
For now, I'm working as a magician. But getting the tricks right is so frustrating; I'm pulling my hare out!
The Irish lass was disappointed with the engagement ring from her fiancé because it was a sham rock.
When the TV repairman got married the reception
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer
please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass
of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
.Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids
were nothing to look at either.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident
. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't I've cut off your arms!"
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
What do you call a fish
with no eyes? A fsh.
swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak
were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak
and heat it too.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family
and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family
; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!