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Old 21-03-2017, 17:16   #2041
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Re: The New Joke Thread

7 days a week for 25 years with no days off - he earned his retirement!
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Old 21-03-2017, 18:41   #2042
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This also happened in Victoria at the 'wharf st docks' for a winter before the Fed wharfingers got their act together. Only regret was I was too well known to pull it off myself.
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Old 21-03-2017, 19:07   #2043
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I just replaced the cats litter with 44 packets of pop rocks. Now we wait
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Old 21-03-2017, 19:20   #2044
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by ontherocks83 View Post
I just replaced the cats litter with 44 packets of pop rocks. Now we wait
Love it. Gonna try this on my brother's cat.
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Old 21-03-2017, 20:20   #2045
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by D&D View Post
The London Times: A Well-Planned Retirement


Outside England's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant..... The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7). Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo's own responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee.

The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll. Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, or France, or Italy, is a man who'd apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars..... and no one even knows his name.


I think this is my favorite retirement plan ever!
Good job this is the Joke thread.

Just another urban legend:
Phony Carpark Attendant Collects Parking Fees
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Old 21-03-2017, 20:21   #2046
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I just replaced the cats litter with 44 packets of pop rocks. Now we wait
I'm having difficulty wiping the evil grin off my face.
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Old 22-03-2017, 01:23   #2047
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I'm having difficulty wiping the evil grin off my face.

I so hope Zeehag does not see that one. But I'm a cat lover and I've got the evil grin too.
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Old 22-03-2017, 06:33   #2048
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The cat may have the last laugh
https://youtu.be/3lC6oanUQFI
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Old 22-03-2017, 10:44   #2049
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by D&D View Post
The London Times: A Well-Planned Retirement


Outside England's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant..... The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7). Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo's own responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee.

The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll. Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, or France, or Italy, is a man who'd apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars..... and no one even knows his name.


I think this is my favorite retirement plan ever!
There was someone in Tampa Fl. across the street from Busch Gardens that actually did the very same thing. I don't remember the time but it was for years and years.

There was another entrepreneur "immigrant" that entered a high end hotel bathroom and became an "attendant". He was there for years before management found him out. Then after they had kicked him out patrons started asking for him. The hotel found him and brought him back. He retired a few (10??) years ago.

No joke.
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Old 22-03-2017, 10:46   #2050
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by 44'cruisingcat View Post
7 days a week for 25 years with no days off - he earned his retirement!
Another cash business where taxes were not paid.
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Old 22-03-2017, 14:55   #2051
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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The cat may have the last laugh
https://youtu.be/3lC6oanUQFI
There's a big difference between dunking them in a glass of neutral water and spraying them with warm, acidic cat urine
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Old 22-03-2017, 14:59   #2052
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Lol... OK Stu....I'll need to take your word on that
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Old 22-03-2017, 16:50   #2053
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.

Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go to the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe who had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished .... naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away, and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.

He said: "Oh, the same old thing.
You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

- "Did you dance much?"
- "You know, I never even danced one dance.When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning, and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to..."
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Old 22-03-2017, 18:47   #2054
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Chinese Sick Leave: "I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!"


Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today.When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon......... You got nice house."
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Old 26-03-2017, 23:02   #2055
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Re: The New Joke Thread

In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy.

You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm me! I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood. What do you say to that?


The Englishman lowered his newspaper, looks over his glasses and replied, "How very sporting of your mother!"
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