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Old 07-11-2016, 17:09   #1711
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Re: The New Joke Thread

In the dark days of the cold war, a midget, member of the underground movement in Prague, was being pursued by the secret police. At wits end, he ran up a dark alley and knocked on the first door he saw. To the resident who opened he asked, breathlessly:

"I know it's late, but can you cache a small Czech?"

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Old 08-11-2016, 12:40   #1712
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A Future Shipwright.
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Old 08-11-2016, 12:41   #1713
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Duty Calls for It.
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Old 08-11-2016, 15:24   #1714
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I sure miss Gary Larson....

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Old 08-11-2016, 15:30   #1715
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I sure miss Gary Larson....

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I do too, but I have nothing but respect and admiration for the fact that he had the strength to walk away BEFORE the series got tired. He left with his head high on his own terms.

Anyone following the slow demise of the Simpsons could be forgiven for wishing that Matt Groening had done the same.
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Old 08-11-2016, 17:03   #1716
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Sign seen outside a cafe somewhere in the US:

Trump Sandwich: White bread, full of boloney, Russian Dressiing, and a small pickle.

Ann
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Old 08-11-2016, 18:56   #1717
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Re: The New Joke Thread

More from the political gallery!
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Old 08-11-2016, 19:52   #1718
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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More from the political gallery!
Then the bell rings and the teacher says, "Break time! Go play!"

They come back from break and Hillary asks, "Any more questions?"

Little Cathy says, "Why did we get a break 15 minutes into the class, and where did Tommy go?"
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Old 09-11-2016, 00:20   #1719
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Sign seen outside a cafe somewhere in the US:

Trump Sandwich: White bread, full of boloney, Russian Dressiing, and a small pickle.

Ann
Must be a popular sandwich, since we just elected him the 45th President of the United States of America.
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Old 09-11-2016, 03:26   #1720
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Must be a popular sandwich, since we just elected him the 45th President of the United States of America.
This was inevitable as a result of the culture wars that will soon become more prevalent around the world. No Joke.
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Old 09-11-2016, 05:17   #1721
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I have always found fatalism amusing, but I don't believe it belongs in the joke thread.

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Old 09-11-2016, 07:13   #1722
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I have always found fatalism amusing, but I don't believe it belongs in the joke thread.

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Old 11-11-2016, 09:57   #1723
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Re: The New Joke Thread

News Update from Canada

The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified, in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans, who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.

Canadian border residents say, it's not uncommon, to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, human caused global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields, at night.

"I went out, to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold, exhausted, and hungry, and begged me for a latte, and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left, before I even got a chance, to show him my screenplay.


In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers, that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears, and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers, who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left, to fend for themselves, after the battery dies.


"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had, was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.

Rumors are circulating about plans being made, to build re-education camps, where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs, that actually contribute to the economy.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip, to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans, in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses, and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como, and Rosemary Clooney, to prove that they were alive, in the '50s.

"If they can't identify the accordion player, on The Lawrence Welk Show (Myron Floren DJ), we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained, that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet, while downloading jazzercise apps, to their cell phones.

"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?

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Old 11-11-2016, 10:21   #1724
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Don't forget to take all of the Poli-Sci PhDs as well, we have all of the Starbucks baristas we need!

LMAO
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Old 11-11-2016, 10:23   #1725
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The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by senormechanico View Post
. . . The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified, in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans, who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, . . . .

Heaven forbid those liberals use the same tax loopholes that the republican billionaires are using to dodge their taxes. The billionaires paid good money to their pet legislators to get those loopholes into the tax code and nobody else should be allowed to use them.

I mean really if too many folks use the loopholes where is the money going to come from to pay the subsidies that helped the republican billionaires become filthy rich in the first place?
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