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07-11-2016, 16:09
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#1711
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sailing Lake Ontario
Boat: Mirage 35
Posts: 1,123
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Re: The New Joke Thread
In the dark days of the cold war, a midget, member of the underground movement in Prague, was being pursued by the secret police. At wits end, he ran up a dark alley and knocked on the first door he saw. To the resident who opened he asked, breathlessly:
"I know it's late, but can you cache a small Czech?"
__________________
Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.
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08-11-2016, 11:40
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#1712
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Marine Service Provider
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,103
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Re: The New Joke Thread
A Future Shipwright.
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08-11-2016, 11:41
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#1713
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Marine Service Provider
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,103
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Duty Calls for It.
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08-11-2016, 14:24
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#1714
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Moderator
Join Date: May 2008
Location: cruising SW Pacific
Boat: Jon Sayer 1-off 46 ft fract rig sloop strip plank in W Red Cedar
Posts: 21,135
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Re: The New Joke Thread
I sure miss Gary Larson....
Jim
__________________
Jim and Ann s/v Insatiable II, lying Port Cygnet Tasmania once again.
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08-11-2016, 14:30
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#1715
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: On the boat, somewhere in Australia.
Boat: Swanson 42 & Kelly Peterson 44
Posts: 9,112
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Cate
I sure miss Gary Larson....
Jim
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I do too, but I have nothing but respect and admiration for the fact that he had the strength to walk away BEFORE the series got tired. He left with his head high on his own terms.
Anyone following the slow demise of the Simpsons could be forgiven for wishing that Matt Groening had done the same.
__________________
Refitting… again.
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08-11-2016, 16:03
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#1716
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Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: aboard, cruising in Australia
Boat: Sayer 46' Solent rig sloop
Posts: 28,400
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Sign seen outside a cafe somewhere in the US:
Trump Sandwich: White bread, full of boloney, Russian Dressiing, and a small pickle.
Ann
__________________
Who scorns the calm has forgotten the storm.
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08-11-2016, 17:56
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#1717
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines in the winters
Boat: It’s in French Polynesia now
Posts: 11,368
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Re: The New Joke Thread
More from the political gallery!
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the midst of a storm!
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08-11-2016, 18:52
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#1718
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,619
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by delmarrey
More from the political gallery!
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Then the bell rings and the teacher says, "Break time! Go play!"
They come back from break and Hillary asks, "Any more questions?"
Little Cathy says, "Why did we get a break 15 minutes into the class, and where did Tommy go?"
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08-11-2016, 23:20
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#1719
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,619
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate
Sign seen outside a cafe somewhere in the US:
Trump Sandwich: White bread, full of boloney, Russian Dressiing, and a small pickle.
Ann
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Must be a popular sandwich, since we just elected him the 45th President of the United States of America.
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09-11-2016, 02:26
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#1720
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Canada
Boat: CT 56
Posts: 545
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax
Must be a popular sandwich, since we just elected him the 45th President of the United States of America.
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This was inevitable as a result of the culture wars that will soon become more prevalent around the world. No Joke.
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09-11-2016, 04:17
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#1721
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: WNC mountains U.S.
Boat: Haven't seen it yet. Bought on Ebay
Posts: 1,214
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Re: The New Joke Thread
I have always found fatalism amusing, but I don't believe it belongs in the joke thread.
Sent from my SM-T230NU using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app
__________________
If you FEEL like you have been heard. You definitely weren't listening,
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09-11-2016, 06:13
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#1722
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Jacksonville/ out cruising
Boat: Island Packet 38
Posts: 31,351
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeanathon
I have always found fatalism amusing, but I don't believe it belongs in the joke thread.
Sent from my SM-T230NU using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app
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11-11-2016, 08:57
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#1723
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2003
Boat: Dragonfly 1000 trimaran
Posts: 7,141
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Re: The New Joke Thread
News Update from Canada
The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified, in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans, who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.
Canadian border residents say, it's not uncommon, to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, human caused global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields, at night.
"I went out, to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold, exhausted, and hungry, and begged me for a latte, and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left, before I even got a chance, to show him my screenplay.
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers, that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears, and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers, who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left, to fend for themselves, after the battery dies.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had, was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.
Rumors are circulating about plans being made, to build re-education camps, where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs, that actually contribute to the economy.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip, to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans, in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses, and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como, and Rosemary Clooney, to prove that they were alive, in the '50s.
"If they can't identify the accordion player, on The Lawrence Welk Show (Myron Floren DJ), we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained, that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet, while downloading jazzercise apps, to their cell phones.
"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?
__________________
The question is not, "Who will let me?"
The question is,"Who is going to stop me?"
Ayn Rand
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11-11-2016, 09:21
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#1724
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,619
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Don't forget to take all of the Poli-Sci PhDs as well, we have all of the Starbucks baristas we need!
LMAO
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11-11-2016, 09:23
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#1725
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Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: La Ciudad de la Misión Didacus de Alcalá en Alta California, Virreinato de Nueva España
Boat: Cal 20
Posts: 20,441
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The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by senormechanico
. . . The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified, in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans, who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, . . . .
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Heaven forbid those liberals use the same tax loopholes that the republican billionaires are using to dodge their taxes. The billionaires paid good money to their pet legislators to get those loopholes into the tax code and nobody else should be allowed to use them.
I mean really if too many folks use the loopholes where is the money going to come from to pay the subsidies that helped the republican billionaires become filthy rich in the first place?
__________________
Num Me Vexo?
For all of your celestial navigation questions: https://navlist.net/
A house is but a boat so poorly built and so firmly run aground no one would think to try and refloat it.
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