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D&D · 08-08-2016, 00:05

1. My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 15 more to go ..

2. Ate salad for dinner …Mostly croutons & tomatoes ... Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce ... And cheese... FINE, it was a pizza... I ate a pizza …

3. How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill some Meat.

4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web...

5. I don't mean to brag but… I finished all of my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes ...

6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it ...

7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it... when I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel...

8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me...

9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither!

10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented … I forgot where I was going with this ...

11. I love being over 70 … I learn something new every day … and forget 5 other things I used to know ...

12. A thief broke into my house last night … He started searching for money … so I woke up and searched with him...…

13. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day ...

Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.