The Joke Thread

[Sailor g]

I know I'm going to regret this but I understand the natural flavors but ... What makes up the artificial part?

[captain58sailin]

It's not gay if it's underway.

[Weatherhelm]

sorry to interrupt the gay conversation but did you hear the inventor of the USB connector died recently. The burial ceremony was a little awkward because the coffin was lowered into the grave but then had to be pulled back up and flipped it over before it would fit correctly.


and hey how about those male lesbians

[Minggat]

My lazy contribution

[bajatrawler]

Johnny and Mary were 5 year old neighbors. One day while they were out playing in the yard, Johnny said to Mary "Mary, look what my dad got for me, a new catcher's mitt". Mary ran into her house and returned in a few minutes; "Johnny, look what my mom got me, a new doll".

The next day as they played together, Johnny said "look Mary, my mom got me a new baseball bat". Mary shrugged, ran into her house and returned with a pair of roller skates. "Look Johnny what my dad gave me".

By this time, Johnny was feeling a bit overwhelmed. So, in a desperate show of one-ups-man-ship, he dropped his pants down, pointed, and said "Mary, look what I've got!".

Mary, unperturbed, turned and ran to her house. She was inside for some time. Then, she came bursting out, the the screen door slamming, ran up to Johnny, dropped her pretty pink dress and underwear, and pointed down. "Johnny, I just talked to my mommy and she said to tell you that I don't have one of those, but I do have one of these (pointing), and with one of these, I can get all of those I want!".

[senormechanico]

Originally Posted by Minggat

My lazy contribution

Way before the internet, there were threads written on bathroom walls.
Back in the '60's there was a thread in the men's room where I worked which started by someone writing,

"KILL THE SNOT WIPER".

There were several responses, one of which said,

"You will never catch me."

[tropicalescape]

Originally Posted by dohenyboy

what were they thinking?
See in in West Indies supermarket today

Always wondered how those Jamaican guys got that way..I saw a fellow on a irrigation rig in the middle of a suger cane field once taking a shower,he had eaten lots of "cock soup" from what I could see,way too much and I was a few hundred feet away!!

[Finistere]

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.

I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.

The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.

I've never felt safer and I’m saving $49.95 a month!


Sent from my iPad using Cruisers Sailing Forum

[svmariane]

A married couple were involved in a terrible accident that left the woman with a badly burned face. The doctor told the husband that it was impossible to graft any skin from her body because she was so slim. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable was on his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell nobody where the skin came from, and also asked the doctor to honor their secret.

When the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. Indeed, she looked more beautiful than ever. All their friends and family kept going on about her youthful looks.

One day, alone with her husband, she was overcome with emotion at his generosity. "Darling," she said, "I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. You have saved my life. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"Honey," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."




Advert found at the bar in Raffles Hotel, Singapore:

[Chris66]

CAN YOUR PECKER TOUCH YOUR ASS?
A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler
The little boy asks: 'Can I have a beer Grandpa?'
... Grandpa replies: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'
The little boy answered: 'No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker'.
Gramps says: 'Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer'.
A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.
The little boy asks: 'Can I have a cigar Grandpa?'
Once again, Grandpa asks: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?' Once again the little boy replies, 'No, it's too little'.
Gramps replies, 'Then you're not man enough to have a cigar'. A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some cookies.
Grandpa asks, 'Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?'
The boy asks, 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'
Laughing, Gramps replies, 'Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ass'.
The little boy replies, 'Then go **** yourself'. Grandma made these for me'

[Rhapsody-NS27]

Originally Posted by svmariane

"Honey," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

LOL! Best I've seen in a long time.

[GordMay]

You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror?

Try breaking a condom.

[JPA Cate]

Way to go, Gordie! :-D

[GordMay]

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.

Now I'm afraid to pee.

[svmariane]

So this guy says to his new lady-friend on their third date: "How about us spending a romantic weekend in a nice quiet hotel?"

To which she replied: "I'm afraid that my awareness of your proclivities in the esoteric aspects of sexual behavior precludes you from such erotic confrontation."

"Er... sorry...I don't get it."

"Exactly!"