The Joke Thread

[weavis]

Originally Posted by captain58sailin

I can get some fairly realistic wannabe rolexs here in Nigeria. I took one to my jeweler at home and his comment was "That is a pretty good copy of a $10,000 Rolex" I gave it to my then girl friend. I don't know what she wanted with a man's knock off of a rolex, but it made her happy, only cost me about $80. She is long gone now and so is the fake rolex.

I hate that when it happens!
Id sure miss the fake rolex.

[captain58sailin]

Oh well, fake rolex for a fake girlfriend, I figure I got off cheap, her next boyfriend married her and she cleaned him out for everything. Within 2 months of getting married.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by captain58sailin

Oh well, fake rolex for a fake girlfriend, I figure I got off cheap, her next boyfriend married her and she cleaned him out for everything. Within 2 months of getting married.

lucky escape.....
2 months? Ive heard of speed reading but never speed marriaging.....

[avb3]

Originally Posted by captain58sailin

Oh well, fake rolex for a fake girlfriend, I figure I got off cheap, her next boyfriend married her and she cleaned him out for everything. Within 2 months of getting married.

Sounds like he was a willing victim.

[BandB]

$80 for a fake Rolex? That's inflation. Can't you still get them on the streets of NY for $25-30?

Well, no Rolex for me. A Chanel Titanium she bought me as an engagement present. Still keeps perfect time. Most expensive watch I've ever owned but far less than any Rolex.

[captain58sailin]

These were really good copies, they even kept good time. Last I heard they are going for around $150 per.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by captain58sailin

These were really good copies, they even kept good time. Last I heard they are going for around $150 per.

So those are the ones you see on the tv pawn shows as the guy takes it in ready to get tons of money only to find out it's fake.

[Brob2]

Originally Posted by carstenb

I have a Patek Phillipe, a mercedes and a luxury sailig yacht - does that count?

I thought you had a Jeanneau?

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by Brob2

I thought you had a Jeanneau?

Oh cheap shot

But is is a luxurious boat. Besides, if it is deck candy - what do they know?

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by carstenb

Well wifey, as they say blondes have more fun, so a blonde with a rolex...............

uuuuh just to ask a non-sexist question, are you somehow implying that there are members of the fairer sex who would be impressed by such symbols of material well being? And be attracted to owners of said symbols?

Oh susan b. anthony must be revolving in her grave. Next thing, you'll be proclaiming that women also like some of the acrobatics expressed in fifty shades of grey.

I'm appalled. I thought you all just loved us from our minds.

I have a Patek Phillipe, a mercedes and a luxury sailig yacht - does that count?

Depends. Which model of Mercedes do you own?

[captain58sailin]

How to catch a polar bear, with a can of peas. First you go out on the floe and open it up, then you put the peas down one by one in a line near the opening, when the bear bends to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

[bornyesterday]

Girls who want to "marry well" have a few skills to learn:



1. How to sail.

2. How to spot a fake Rolex at a thousand yards.

3. How to suck a golf ball through a garden hose.



How was it?

Do you still have her number?

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by weavis

I have a Patek Phillipe.
Jus' sayin'

I have a Patek of crisps

[D.D.]

Lost Wife

A husband went to the police station to report his wife missing:
Husband : - I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.
Sergeant : - What is her height ?
Husband: - I really never noticed.
Sergeant : - Build?
Husband: - Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant : - Color of eyes?
Husband : - Never noticed.
Sergeant : - Color of hair?
Husband : - Changes according to season.
Sergeant : - What was she wearing?
Husband: Dress/suit/ I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant : Did she go in a car?
Husband : - yes.
Sergeant : - What kind of car was it?
Husband : - Black Audi A8 with super charged 3.0 liter V6 engine generating 333 horse power with an eight-speed triptonic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.……………. at this point the husband started crying...
Sergeant: - Don't worry sir.......We will find your car.

[jeepbluetj]

OK.. Didn't want to do it cause it's a groaner... But the thread really needs more jokes.
----------------------------------

So Mickey and Minney are getting divorced. Judge says "Mickey, why do you want to divorce Minney?"

Mickey whispers to his attorney and the lawyer confidently says to the court, "Mickey wants to divorce Minney because she's mentally incompetent."

Mickey gets a bit agitated and grabs his lawyer and whispers to him again. The lawyer looks a bit confused but then states " Mickey wants to divorce Minney because she's not completely sane."

Now Mickey is very agitated and grabs the attorney and whispers one more time the reason he wants the divorce.

The lawyer then painfully recites "Mickey wants the divorce because Minney is crazy."

Mickey is beside himself. He jumps up and shouts "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fuc*ing Goofy!"