The Joke Thread

[motion30]

When my wife and I have sex we always do it twice............................................. ..................I like the time in the winter the best

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by GaryMayo

Calling most tattoos and piercings body arts, is like calling a fart aroma therapy.

Attachment 50860

I asked my grandma why she had a bat tattooed on her breast. She said it started out as a butterfly...

[Ex-Calif]

I just got fired from my job at the crisis hotline.

Some guy called and said he was laying on the railroad tracks and going to kill himself.

I accidentally turned to the page on heart attacks. I told him to remain calm and stay on the line.

[Therapy]

I always thought this one was pretty funny.


tattoo remover (lower back tattoo removal - funny snl skit) - video

I can't figure out how to put a video in. Never have figured it out.

[delmarrey]

If you are traveling a lot and don't always know the language of the country you are visiting, then this T-shirt is for you. It has a phrase book printed on it so just point a finger at the pictogram you need and then point it twice at the question mark, which means, 'Where is it?' and in no time you have found what you were looking for... Or not.

[multihullsailor6]

I LOVE it! Where can I buy one of these T-shirts?

[noelex 77]

It's far more fun miming it. Your not a proper cruiser until you have made the appropriate animal noises in a butchers shop to indicate the sort of meat you want.

Airport. Both arms out and run around making aeroplane noises...............Maybe I should buy the T-Shirt.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by noelex 77

It's far more fun miming it. Your not a proper cruiser until you have made the appropriate animal noises in a butchers shop to indicate the sort of meat you want.

Airport. Both arms out and run around making aeroplane noises...............Maybe I should buy the T-Shirt.

Read a recommendation years ago from a guy that traveled all over the world on business. First thing he would do when he checked into a new hotel was to pick up a book of matches at the front desk with the hotel's name and address on the cover. Then if he was lost in the city he would catch a cab and show the matchbook cover to the driver and point at the address.

Said it worked great for years until some place in Asia. He showed the matchbook cover to the driver who nodded happily and promptly drove him to the local match factory.

[delmarrey]

I think the numbers should be bigger and it needs to have a "$" symbol to ask "how much?".

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by noelex 77

It's far more fun miming it. Your not a proper cruiser until you have made the appropriate animal noises in a butchers shop to indicate the sort of meat you want.

Airport. Both arms out and run around making aeroplane noises...............Maybe I should buy the T-Shirt.

When I first got to Japan we wanted to buy swordfish at the local market. Apparently you can't make compund words from a dictionary. i.e. Ken + Sakana /= swordfish and my drawings suck...

[Lajos]

I did 6 months in Japan, teaching English... They have allot of trouble with the "L" and "R" pronunciation, I had 2 phrases that would make them practice: "in my car, I drive on the Road but if I carry a box and drop it, I drop a Load"... Or; "I have a red pen and I have Led in my pencil"..... For some reason this would crack up the other teachers....

[delmarrey]

I've been away from the work force so long now that I needed to buy a new clock.

[nes]

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

[Ex-Calif]

I met this very kinky chick. She wanted to make love in a bath of milk. As I prepareed to fill the tub I asked, "Pasteurized?"

She replied, "No. Just past my boobs. I can splash my eyes."

[sailorboy1]

I had to read that 4 times before I got it

I was just so distracted by the milk bath to start with.