The Joke Thread

[dacust]

Originally Posted by lookoutnw

YOu know, it is great to poke fun and laugh like crazy at others mistakes and pictures of them screwing up royally. I ain't gonna tell how many times I have been thankful that no one had any picture devices handy in my life...
Now I dare some of you to show YOUR screwups. Or maybe that should be a new thread? Named : Jokes on Me? ...

Actually, there's a whole forum for that:

==> The Sailor's Confessional - Cruisers & Sailing Forums



-dan

[Glenn C]

As they say, its always fun until some-one gets hurt.....then its hilarious

[lookoutnw]

Jeff Foxworthy has made a lot of money from it. Even Southern Fried Videos are a hoot!~

[Underdog]

George W Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a
conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Bush in his chair reached for the aftershave. Bush was quick to stop him saying, 'No thanks, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.'

The second barber turned to Obama and said, 'How about you sir ?' Obama replied, 'Go ahead; my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.'

[anjou]

Kids identify flavours by their colour: Red=Cherry or Raspberry or Strawberry, Yellow= Lemon, Green=Lime, Orange, =Orange & so on

Their teacher gave them all HONEY flavoured sweets. None of the children could identify the taste. The teacher said, 'I will give you all a hint. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One girl looked up in horror, spit out her sweet & yelled, 'Oh my goodness! They're arse-holes 'LikeUnlike · ·

[Sailor g]

 love it!

[darkdog64]

What is a milihelen?

The beauty needed in a woman to launch one ship.

[kolbywhite28]

That's so hilarious, jokes are best for people who feel dumb and alone for instance, laughter is the best medicine !

[Finistere]

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box… gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. . . Bob has been missing since Friday...

[zenataos]

Old salt out for his last fling. Dressed in his best regalia meets up with a lady of the night and after the exchange of money they get down to it. After a while, and being a gentleman the old salt enquires as to how he is doing. Your doing 3 knots she replies. Three knots he says, what do you mean? You're knot hard , you're knot in and you're knot getting your money back.
Al.

[Free Agent]

Ice Cream Guy Gives Kid A Hard Time - YouTube

[svBeBe]

Must be Turkish ice cream. The vendors are well known for their serving antics. Tastes very good but has a consistency more like bubble gum than regular ice cream. Melts very slowly.

[Aussiesuede]

A husband and wife had previously scheduled to go to a Halloween costume party but on the afternoon prior to the party the wife started to feel a bit sick. The wife informed her husband that she wasn't feeling up to it and he should go ahead and goto the party without her. After a bit of heel dragging, he agreed and went to the party alone.

About an hour after her husband left the wife was feeling a lot better and decided she'd goto the party after all. Upon arrival, she noticed her husband in costume standing alone and she decided she was going to go surprise him and perhaps cheer him up. She came up from behind and pinched him on the arse. She then looked around and when the coast was clear she gave his crotch a little grab and motioned for him to follow her outside to the parking lot. They jumped in the car and had a wonderful time with one another. When they were done, he got out of the car without saying a word and went back into the party. A bit worn out, the wife decided to go home.

About an hour later the husband arrived home and when his wife smiled and asked him if he enjoyed himself he replied - No. The wife was aghast and quipped "What do you mean you didn't enjoy yourself?". The husband replied "The party was very boring without her there so he decided to join a poker game in the back room with a few of the guys and loaned his costume out to a fellow that had arrived without one."

[Chief Engineer]

Lady sends out invitations to a Halloween Party.

The note says "Everyone must dress as an emotion"

Halloween comes and the hostess is greeting her guests....

The dirst comes up all dressed in flowing scarlet...."I am red with rage"

The next one appears with a lowcut violet outfit "I am purple with Passion"

There's green with envy, etc etc......

Finally a guy shows up, naked, with a Bartlett Pear affixed to his nether region.......Puzzled for a while, the hostess finnally asks, I'm stumped, what emotion are you?

He replied..........................................w ait a minute
































I am fookin despair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ironhorse74]

http://visitsteve.com/404.html