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delmarrey · 01-11-2010, 15:21

Have you ever applied for a new job after getting laid off after 30 years on the last job?

.

mintyspilot · 01-11-2010, 15:39

Watch this (The 2nd from last one is the best)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6j0myFovHA

**GordMay** · 02-11-2010, 07:38

“Know why the Democrat’s symbol is a D?
Because they’re just good enough, but not very.

Know why Republican starts with an R?
Because that’s the sound a pirate makes just before he robs you blind and feeds you to the sharks.

Folks, you have to understand:
There’s a difference between an annoying friend, and your darkest enemy.”
~ Bill Maher

Brent Swain · 02-11-2010, 12:36

For sale . Boat and motor. Bowling ball. Set of golf clubs. Fishing gear. Hunting rifles. Call*******.
If a man answers , hang up!

S/V_Surya · 03-11-2010, 09:02

Good one Brent,

An elderly, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store
one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at
his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his
girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a
$5,000 ring. The old man said,
"No, I'd like tosee something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and
brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning
ring at only $40, 000," he said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with
excitement. The old man seeing this said,"We'll take it."

The jeweler askedhow payment would be made and the old man stated,
"By check". I know you need to make sure my check clears so I'll
write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify
the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he
said...

On Monday morning, the jeweler 'phoned the old man and said "Sir,
there's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"

All Seniors Aren't Senile

zopi · 03-11-2010, 09:19

Fed-Ex and UPS will merge...

Fed-UPS!

General Mills and Alitalia...

Nahh....

Continental and Aer Lingus?

Nevermind...

darkdog64 · 05-11-2010, 08:38

The difference is when a man is have a miserable time at his wife's friends function, he is still having a better time than when he is having a good time at his friends function... but his wife isn't.

I wish it was mine but credit belongs to Red Green.

First Mate · 05-11-2010, 09:06

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"

darkdog64 · 05-11-2010, 10:00

two sperm are swimming along and the first one says "man, I am tired, how far is it to the uterus?"

"Quite a while yet mate, we have only just passed the..."
http://www.cruisersforum.com/images/smilies/devil_3.gif

darkdog64 · 05-11-2010, 10:00

"... tonsils"

bene505 · 05-11-2010, 11:15

two different accents...

aegean adrift · 19-11-2010, 00:59

This world map probably made the rounds a while ago, but it was new to me. It's an equal-opportunity offender!

"Libertarians' Wet Dream" is my fave.

**boatman61** · 19-11-2010, 04:18

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
------------------------------
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
-------------------------------
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
-------------------------------------
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
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Sorry Mod's... tried resizing but it would not do it....