The Joke Thread

[Nicholson58]

You may have heard that Hostess Bakery plants shut down due to a workers' strike. But you may not have heard how It was split up.

The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the Secret Service hired all the HoHos, the generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by Khagan1227

Too bad those tall, blond, blue-eyed women are covered up in heavy clothing 364 days of the year.

Well, yeah

But that 365th day............

The sun does shine one than one day per year. Besides that's why we have down comforters - to make everyone is toasty warm

[noelex 77]

Originally Posted by carstenb

Besides that's why we have down comforters - to make everyone is toasty warm

A traveler's car breaks down in Denmark.

It's a lonely, remote location and getting dark so the traveler walks to the nearest farmhouse.

The farmer, his wife and daughter offer him wonderful hospitality even though they don't speak much English.

In the middle of night the farmer, feeling sorry for the traveler on such a cold night, goes downstairs to the couch where the traveler is sleeping.

"It's so cold", says the farmer "would you like our eiderdown"

"Good god no" says the traveler "she has been down three times already".

[carstenb]

Ah nolex,

You're relating a true story?

[noelex 77]

Originally Posted by carstenb

Ah nolex,

You're relating a true story?

Shhhhhhhhhh......the walls have ears

[LakeSuperior]

An Italian man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.. "Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

[carstenb]

Nasa is almost finished studying the newest pictures and data from mars. Results show that there is no football, beer or porn on mars.

NASA scientist have issued the preliminary conclusion that men, apparently, are not from mars.


Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, you can be sure he will. There is no reason to remind every six months.....

[GaryMayo]

Calling most tattoos and piercings body arts, is like calling a fart aroma therapy.

[justlearnin]

Originally Posted by GaryMayo

Calling most tattoos and piercings body arts, is like calling a fart aroma therapy.

That may be so but that is one fine ass..... ..

[Don1500]

Originally Posted by carstenb

Well, yeah

But that 365th day............

The sun does shine one than one day per year. Besides that's why we have down comforters - to make everyone is toasty warm

I spent a wonderful summer in Denmark, one day.

[speakeasy]

Ah, yes, Don.

[GaryMayo]

Originally Posted by justlearnin

kkkkkkkk



That may be so but that is one fine ass..... ..

I can tell you it was fun putting it on.

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by Don1500

I spent a wonderful summer in Denmark, one day.

Yeah Don, it can be a bit like Mark Twain. "the coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco".

On the other, being in Demark when the gals get undressed for summer is a very entertaining part of the year...........

[Nicholson58]

Originally Posted by carstenb

Yeah Don, it can be a bit like Mark Twain. "the coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco".

On the other, being in Demark when the gals get undressed for summer is a very entertaining part of the year...........

That's like summer in Marquette when the snow melsts and the girls kick off their swampers.

[GordMay]

man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some a#@hole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.” The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager found the boy and said “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”

“Canada (Marquette/Denmark/wherever), sir,” the boy replied.

“Well, why did you leave Canada?” the manager asked.

The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”

“Really!” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada!”

The boy replied, “No ****??? Who did she play for?”