The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[SailRN]

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house BOAT, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your cabin at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an as*hole.

[GordMay]

[double u]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Test you’re knowledge, of the French military:

Q: Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?
A: To see the battle

Q: Why do French tanks have 6 gears?
A: 5 for reverse, 1 for forward, during parades.

Q: Why do French boats have glass bottoms?
A: So they can see the rest of their fleet.

Q: Why don't credit cards work in France?
A: They don't know how to say "CHARGE".

Q: What do you call a French man killed defending his country?
A: I don't know, it never happened.

...just for the record:
The French make their own, fine defence hardware, including boomer submarines, nuclear bombs, an aircraft carrier & competitive fighter jets
(& no, I'm not french & eat neither frogs nor snails...)

[GordMay]

[StuM]

Originally Posted by double u

...just for the record:
The French make their own, fine defence hardware, including boomer submarines, nuclear bombs, an aircraft carrier & competitive fighter jets
(& no, I'm not french & eat neither frogs nor snails...)

Yep, that same list is normally attributed to Italians in my experience

[OutOfControl]

Some humorous quotes,


"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500."
Frank Sinatra

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
George Burns

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked!"
Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom. "
Joan Rivers

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.
Steve Martin

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.
Bob Hope

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[SailRN]

[SailRN]

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

[Jamme]

From the Forespar catalog at https://www.forespar.com/ForesparCatalog.pdf:

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1626748414

[CatNewBee]

Originally Posted by Uncle Bob

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1626748414

Looks valid.

[IslandHopper]

My wife and I went to the auction mart at Tralee the other week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week ! ...........You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR

'My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow.'

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.