The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[StuM]

Originally Posted by admiral 31

Please do not forget this is the JOKE thread

Oh no it's not!
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This is The Joke Thread: https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...tml#post101626


(This is "The 2021 Joke Tread" )

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

I've always wondered if Drog was a real word, or just Gord"s wicked alter ego?

DROG counters sociological online harm globally. We offer public-private solutions to proactively counter online subversion, coordinated inauthentic behaviour and disinformation.
➥ https://drog.group/
➥ https://credibilitycoalition.org/cre.../project/drog/

➥ https://wijzijndrog.nl/
➥ https://twitter.com/wijzijndrog?lang=en

[GordMay]

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[GordMay]

Q: What do you someone who leads a symphony, on top of a Tesla Truck?
A: A semiconductor.

Q: What do you call a criminal driving a Tesla?
A: A Joule Thief.

Q: Who solved the mystery of the stolen Tesla?
A: Sherlock Ohms.

Q: Why do blondes like the Tesla Model S?
A: Because they can spell it.

[Pelagic]

Q: How does your wife describe your fondling of other women in the Tesla?

A: A current affair.

[D&D]

Ethel checked into a Motel on her 80TH Birthday, she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age, so decided to risk an adventure.

She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony...a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo.

He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a dime off his well-oiled buns.

She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?”

Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in: "I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go at it all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready! Now how does that sound?”

He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

[GordMay]

My biggest issue with meetings is that, despite their name, they are rarely about me.

[SailRN]

How to Write Good

The first set of rules (1-23) was written by Frank L. Visco and originally published in the June 1986 issue of Writers’ Digest. The second set of rules (24-53) is derived from William Safire’s Rules for Writers.
Several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:

1. Avoid Alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren’t necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. Profanity sucks.
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. One word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23. Who needs rhetorical questions?
24. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
25. It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
26. Avoid archaeic spellings too.
27. Don’t repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
28. Don’t use commas, that, are not, necessary.
29. Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
30. Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
31. Subject and verb always has to agree.
32. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
33. Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
34. Don’t repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
35. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
36. Don’t never use no double negatives.
37. Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
38. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
39. Eschew obfuscation.
40. No sentence fragments.
41. Don’t indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
42. A writer must not shift your point of view.
43. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!
44. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
45. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
46. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
47. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
48. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
49. Always pick on the correct idiom.
50. The adverb always follows the verb.
51. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
52. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
53. And always be sure to finish what