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Old 29-06-2022, 01:37   #3151
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

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Old 29-06-2022, 02:34   #3152
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

How A/C was invented

The four Goldberg brothers - Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell - invent vehicle air conditioning. But they have a hard time marketing it.

Well, on one 97-degree Detroit summer day, the four brothers walk into old man Henry Ford's office, and sweet-talk his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen are there, with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry, since the electric starter.

Henry is curious, and invites them into his office. They refuse, and instead ask that he come out to the parking lot, to their car. They persuade him to get into the car, which is about 130 degrees. Then Max hits the A/C, and the car starts cooling down rapidly.

Well, ol' man Ford gets very excited, and invites them back to the office, where he offers them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refuse, saying they'll settle for $2 million, but they want the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air Conditioner' on the dashboard of each car, in which it's installed.

Now old man Ford is more than just a businessman, he's a smart businessman. And there's no way he's gonna put the Goldbergs' name on two million vehicles. They haggle back and forth for about two hours, and finally agree on $4 million, and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioner controls say Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max.
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Old 29-06-2022, 03:43   #3153
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

On a recent evening, a man came up to me, at the front desk of my library. He was carrying a large sheet of plywood.
On the plywood were copious amounts, of what appeared to be, a flour and water mix. He might have put yeast in it, to make it airier and lighter. He had shaped the mixture into a kind of giant map. There was something I took to be divisions for states, or provinces. He'd created a facsimile of a capitol building, out of flour mix, and he made hundreds of tiny people as well. There were cities, and mountains, and rivers, all of it roughly discernible, in its pasty white mush.

"I'd like the library to have this." The man said, setting the sheet onto my counter.

"I can't take this." I replied. "I don't even know what it is."

He looked at me like I was a fool. "It's a dough nation."
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Old 29-06-2022, 06:19   #3154
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

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Old 29-06-2022, 10:26   #3155
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

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Old 29-06-2022, 23:00   #3156
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

An old lady walks into a bank with a million dollars.

Old lady: "I'd like to make a deposit of a million dollars"

Bank assistant: "That's a lot of money. How did you get it?"

Old lady: "I think I should speak to the Bank Manager since it's such a large cash deposit."

Bank assistant: "Well considering that it is a million dollars you are probably right."

The bank assistant calls the Manager, and after explaining the situation the Manager arrives.

Bank Manager "So my assistant tells me you want to deposit one million dollars. May I ask how you came in possession of one million dollars?"

Old lady: "Naturally. I earned it by betting. I make a living from betting!"

Manager "I find that hard to believe. Want kind of betting do you do?"

Old lady: "All sorts of betting. As an example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

Manager "Umm... I don't... Umm.. Well. Under normal circumstances I don't bet but this seems so absurd that I'll agree."

So, the manager and the old lady shake hands and discuss how and when this bet should be settled.

Old lady: "Well considering that this is a bet of $25,000 I'd like my lawyer to be present when I do the inspection. So how about we meet with my lawyer tomorrow morning?"

The Manager agrees to this, happy to have earned $25,000 this easy.

Next morning, he walks into the office of a locally well-respected lawyer and greets the old lady.

Not wanting to waste his time, he unbuttons his pants, pulls down his underwear and as the old lady lifts his balls up for inspection, he notices the lawyer banging his head against the wall repeatedly.

Quite startled the bank director looks at the old lady and asks, "What is going on with your lawyer?!"

Old lady (grinning) "Oh well. Yesterday I bet him a million dollars that within 24 hours I would be holding the balls of my Branch Manager in my hands..."
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Old 30-06-2022, 02:29   #3157
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

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Old 30-06-2022, 05:36   #3158
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

Pirate walks into a ear piercing parlor and asks how much it costs to get an ear pierced.

ear piercer replies. "Hey its a buck an ear"
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Old 02-07-2022, 01:59   #3159
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

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Old 02-07-2022, 02:00   #3160
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All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangereous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. T.E. Lawrence
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Old 02-07-2022, 02:01   #3161
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

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All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangereous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. T.E. Lawrence
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Old 02-07-2022, 16:28   #3162
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All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangereous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. T.E. Lawrence
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Old 03-07-2022, 02:54   #3163
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

Beer?

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Old 03-07-2022, 18:24   #3164
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Old 03-07-2022, 19:17   #3165
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Re: The 2021 & 2022 Joke Threads

lambo
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