The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Jamme]

Priorities:

[JPA Cate]

Argumentive, disruptive, posts have been deleted from this thread, which has been closed for about 15 hrs, for people to cool off.

[Jamme]

It’s time for…
Special Deliveries!

[SailRN]

[GordMay]

Gas prices are getting ridiculous.
I went online, to check the value of my car, and it asked if the tank was empty or full.

Q: What is it like, when you put Republicans in Congress in charge of gas gouging legislation?
A: It's like putting Dick Cheney in charge of gun safety.

[SailRN]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Q: What is it like, when you put Republicans in Congress in charge of gas gouging legislation?
A: It's like putting Dick Cheney in charge of gun safety.

That's funny Gord, here's another one:


How about Al Gore instead of Dick Cheney?


Q: What is it like having Democrats in charge of the Presidency, the Congress, and the Senate?

A:

[SailRN]

NASA's rover on Mars: Signs of life found!

[SailRN]

Advertisement for divorce attorneys

[GordMay]

Scientists at NASA reported today that they had discovered feline life on Mars. Unfortunately, the Mars rover that discovered the specimen also ran over it, just minutes later. Said one scientist "We were all really excited until Curiosity killed the cat."

[SailRN]

Update: More pictures from Mars rover searching for life on Mars:

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by SailRN

Update: More pictures from Mars rover searching for life on Mars:
Attachment 257911

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds, with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.
It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.

[SailRN]

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.

And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."

And God said, Let there be light," and there was light. And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.

And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."

And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image; male and female created he them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.

And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this game."

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMO's.

And God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice.

And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body with alcohol while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And Man gained another ten pounds.

And God created the life-giving tofu. And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?" And the Man told the truth. And Woman went out from the presence of Man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.

And Woman put aside the seeds of the earth and took unto herself comfort food. And God brought forth Weight-watchers. It didn't help. And God created exercise machines with easy payments. And Man brought forth his Visa at 21 percent. And the exercise machine went to dwell in the closet of Nod, east of the polyester leisure suit.

And in the fullness of time, Woman received the exercise machine from Man in the property settlement. And it soon lost its luster, just as the man had.

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]