Erm....thinking of something to post in this thread is hard....hurts my head
Aha, an idea; and it was under my nose the whole time:...what do sailor chicks think of beards? On male sailors, I mean, not for themselves...
A properly tended splendiferous follicular magnificence is fluffy and cuddly like wool, and I become frustrated when folks make uninformed comments about scratchiness. More likely to get abrasions from a slovenly shave than a decently kempt beard. Grow it properly, or stand closer to the mirror!
Some positive points:
In summer it is cooler....sweat doesn't drip off the face, it soaks the fibres and evaporates and cools. Airconditioning!
In winter, it is a permanently attached muffler
. Shaved it off in winter once, and had a terrible shock at the cold air on the chin.
It is a sensitive windvane
...sensing speed and direction is automatic and very accurate, and the sound of the breeze humming through it is pure pleasure.
Built-in insect protection. Several square inches of skin inaccessible to biting critters, and without the use of chemicals or electricity.
Instant recognition of gender and age....no possibility of being confused as a female or juvenile. A counter to the androgynous society that seeks to make everyone the same.
Reclaiming the beard from the hippies, academics and terrorists....stoners, tenured pinheads and self-exploding fanatics should not be permitted to monopolise beards.
UV protection....as former military and prolific outdoor-worker, the triangle of skin between my collarbones has seen too much sun (please, no comments about Mad Dogs
& Englishmen)...wearing a beard protects some of my epithelial cells from any more solar
, time and blood saved....the fortune I used to spend on crappy razors and dubious concotions to scrape the hair off my face, is now freed up to waste on other things, like pipe-tobacco and rum
. Also, I can spend another 10 minutes in bed
rather than stand in front of a mirror mutilating myself. Lastly; no more razor burn, or dabbing pepper and toiletpaper on the bleeding bits. A bit of aftershave goes a long way...it fades out faster due to the greater surface area, but one still uses less.
It looks very nautical. See my profile for example, or old paintings of swashbucklers and buccaneers. Ignore modern Hollywood B-flicks....Johnny Depp is the pansiest pirate I've ever seen, Edward Teach would find it hard to hit him with a pistol ball at ten paces for too much derisive laughter.
stop and stare, some even run away screaming; though if I'm fast and attentive enough, a friendly smile and a wave and a beam from my lovely brown eyes can change their puzzlement to a bashful grin.
When carrying a stack of planks on the shoulder, the hairs have a tendency to get caught between them or get snagged on splinters. Ouch.
Jacket Zips. Big Ouch!
As a painter/renderer, it is unavoidable that some of the working medium ends up clinging to my beard...though it is amazing how resilient it is against various things. Mortar is the easiest to remove, silicaceaous renders are middling, solvent-lacquers are so-so, and penetrating primers or sealing paints are the worst. Nothing a good soak in the bath doesn't fix, though.
Shampoo expenses....this eats into the savings from giving up shaving and reduces the amount of funds available for baccy and grog ration.
Caution is advised when late for public transport, particularly when carrying luggage. Better to miss the bus and catch the next one....running after one with a backpack and beard flaping in the breeze may attract small arms fire from anti-terror patrols. As a precaution, consider disguising ones' self as Greek Orthodox Priest; they aren't known to detonate in public.
Suffocation whilst sleeping....it takes a bit of getting used to, having the moustache creep up one's nostrils when snoozing. May be a beneficial side-effect for singlehanded cruisers...a backup to the watch alarm
Hairball. No need to explain, surely? Ok, that one was a joke...though complaining about a hair in the soup is not plausible any more...can't blame the chef
and scam a reduction on the bill when one looks like a chimney-sweep's brush.
Skipperettes, what say ye to The Beard? Permitted aboard, or contraband?