Anyone Regret NOT going cruising?

[Wilverine]

I am in a delimma with my wife. She doesn't want to even talk about living on a boat and it's my dream. I wonder if anyone has a story or two about not doing it and regretting it.

"of all sad word of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'it might have been'". JG Whittier

[Sunspot Baby]

Everyone makes choices they regret. Often we mush choose the lesser of two evils, not going cruising or losing the one you love. Tough choice and one only you can make.

Could you talk her into a couple of charters, then maybe a cruise of definite length? Give her a chance to like it. If she doesn't then you're gong to be faced with the options above.

Remember the joke: My wife ran off with my best friend. God, I'm going to miss him.

George

[TaoJones]

. . . I can't say my situation was exactly the same as yours, but when I was much younger than I am now and really wanted to live aboard and cruise the Caribbean, my then-wife differed, shall we say?

She didn't have a problem living on a boat per se but was dead set against leaving Southern California. She was that rarest of species, a California native. She had been born in a hospital in Santa Monica - as had her father! So, it probably goes without saying, she had a large, extended family there. And she had no desire to ever leave SoCal.

The bottom line was that I went along with her wishes, and we put down roots there: you know, career, house, nice stuff, fun family gatherings. I can't say I didn't enjoy it. I did, very much.

But over time, as so often happens, we grew apart. Then came the divorce, the fight over money and "stuff" (no kids, thankfully), and we then moved on in our lives. And did so amicably, I'm happy to report - we're better friends now than we were during the last five years of the marriage.

So, at 59, I find myself about 25 years behind my dream, but not having to consider anyone else's opinion when it comes to living aboard, and cruising. Well, I do wonder if my two old dogs are going to adapt to the life aquatic very well. The 15 year old male is not too steady on his feet anymore; the 11 year old female still looks and acts like a puppy, but neither one has spent much time around the water.

Henry, my 19 year old Double Yellowhead Amazon parrot is the only one who could tell me anything in English, but beyond "Help! Help! I'm a prisoner" when you put him (actually her, I'm pretty sure) in the cage, and "Here, kitty-kitty-kitty" it's mostly nonsense.

So that's my situation, Wilverine. I don't recommend divorce as a viable option, though. While the marriage interfered with my cruising plans, staying in one place and working at a career also gave me the resources to do it now.

So, to directly answer your question, "Do I regret not going cruising?" Yes and no. Much better to have an agreeable and willing partner.

Best of luck!

TaoJones

[Ram]

My story is simalur to Taojones, with a little twist
I was married age 18- After working the next 10 years My wife kept saying yes she would sail away with me when we could afford it someday, and when we could afford it she said,

"do you every see me going on the boat with you on weekends (no) why would you think I would want to sell the house and move on a boat,"

(I said because you have been telling me you would for years) I had the dream for years and was in my small skif all the time on weekend with out her, It never crossed my mind she would not be into it.,duuhhhhhhhh

I must have been asleep at the wheel most of those years! We lasted a few more years together after that and split. I now have a 30 year old daughter & to grand kids who are coming with me from time to time and love it!
Ram

[CSY Man]

I am in a delimma with my wife. She doesn't want to even talk about living on a boat and it's my dream. I wonder if anyone has a story or two about not doing it and regretting it.

Yeah, I am in the same dilemma:

Wife goes for short cruises, say up to 4 weeks in the Bahamas, but only because she has a house to come back to.
I have mentioned a few thousand times that we really ought to sell all the junk and just take off for 10 years.
Those comments are fighting words and we slowly but surely are drifting apart.

20 years ago, with a different wife, we sold everything (Not much back then) bought a boat in the Caribe and lived aboard and cruised for 3 years.
I enjoyed it and glad to have tried it.

Now the mid-life crises are telling me to do it again, but the present wife wants no part of. None whatsoever.

Also tired of working: Been flying airplanes for almost 30 years, lately as a captain on the B-747 and am burned out from a jet-lagged life in hotel rooms with bankrupt airlines and starting over again, and again with new airlines, long hours and low pay.

The boat is paid for, with the proceeds from house and cars, we could retire comfortably on the boat.

Not in the cards unless divorce papers are signed...Sad really.

[TaoJones]

Originally Posted by CSY Man

The boat is paid for, with the proceeds from house and cars, we could retire comfortably on the boat.

Not in the cards unless divorce papers are signed...Sad really.

. . . A way that has worked for others, and with which I have some personal experience, is to live separate lives, while keeping the marriage intact.

I know a few estranged couples who happily lead separate lives, even some who did it though they had children. It's a bit like a married couple having their own bedrooms. It may sound weird, but it can actually drain off a lot of the tension in a marriage.

And if they live not just in separate bedrooms, but separate houses, better still. As long as the means to support the two distinct lives is available, neither partner has a reason to feel any resentment. And if, rather than two houses, it's one house and one boat it could work just as well. Maybe better.

In my case, this worked perfectly for several years. The glitch was when she got into a serious relationship with someone who was already bitterly divorced, and insisted that she had to completely sever any contact with me or he would walk. It forced her hand, and ended what I thought was a pretty nice and perfectly civilized arrangement, culminating in our moving from separation to divorce.

C'est la vie . . .

TaoJones

PS: CSY Man, thank you for your help this morning with my "surveyor problem." I'll contact the person you told me about later today.

[Thermal]

I think that the only coice you could regret is one made in haste or one clouded by emotion. Clearly, it is a matter of priorities, and it seems that your wife is more important to you that the cruising dream. There's no point in beating yourself up or regretting your choice, since after choosing a path, you'll never know what "would have been" down the other path. Maybe it would have been the better path, but could just as easily have been the worse one - no monday morning quarterbacking here. Just don't try to get your wife to make the choice - that would probably turn out bad either way.

[ssullivan]

Wow, reading these posts was very enlightening and at the same time heart breaking.

While I *do* have a beautiful and fantastic wife happily living on the boat and ready to cruise, I can't go because we're too poor to just set out and not work.

Pretty funny how thigns turn out, isn't it?

I wish for what you all have and some of you are wishing for what I have. Without BOTH of them, we are all stuck.

I guess there can be a lot of reasons someone is unable to cruise and regrets it: Partner, Health, Money, etc...

Bummer of a thread, but a good read.

[cferger]

I am too poor for a boat now, 7 week old baby boy, 19 month baby boy and 7 year old girl suck up most of my money and my wife and house suck up the rest. I am 44 years old and I am afraid that by the time I have paid for 3 college educations, I will be too old to get out there. For now I belong to a sailing club and rent a boat about every 3 months to somewhat satisfy my jones. I have a goal to get the wife to take the US Sailing basic keelboat class and pray that she not only likes sailing, but loves it. Then, if we can afford it, charter in BVI and see how she likes that. She may hate it... but my priorities are the kids then my wife and lastly me.

[cferger]

I am curious if anyone ever regrets going cruising...

[Ram]

cfergerI am curious if anyone ever regrets going cruising...


HAHAHAHA!!! You must be jokeing! For me its the best spent money & time I have ever done, Imangine being on vacation full time and bringing your house along. Seems each place I land I fall in love with the people and village/city/country

There is nothing I would rather be doing!
Ram

[Raven]

Originally Posted by ssullivan

. . . I can't go because we're too poor to just set out and not work.

Pretty funny how thigns turn out, isn't it?

Sean,

Interestingly, I am in a similar "boat" as you, so to speak. My primary reason for living aboard is a love of being on the water with the added benefit that living on a boat is also the least costly housing alternative in my situation.

I do not own my boat outright, but my mortgage is a fraction of current housing prices, and given the current status of the housing market, probably a better investment as well. I pay no property taxes. My mooring fees cost $525 per year (quite a bargain compared with what I've read in other threads on the topic) for an idylic spot with a "backyard" that the land dwellers pay millions for. I don't have utility costs, per se. The list of benefits goes on and on. (Yes, there is that problem of 4 months when I live ashore due to cold New England winters, but I've got that sorted out cheaply as well.)

So, although I'm not able to just cruise off into the wild blue right now, I'm able to live the life I choose, with one heck of a pleasant commute.

[cferger]

Actually, I am curious. Maybe someone out there lost the love of their life because he/she didn't like cruising, was scared sh*tless on long passages, hated the heat, hated being in such tight quarters with their significant other... I could see it happening.
As for me, I am envious of all who are out there doing it.

Originally Posted by Ram

HAHAHAHA!!! You must be jokeing! For me its the best spent money & time I have ever done, Imangine being on vacation full time and bringing your house along. Seems each place I land I fall in love with the people and village/city/country

There is nothing I would rather be doing!
Ram

[dana-tenacity]

My wife had never been on a boat and couldn't swim when I took her and our two daughters (1 & 6) cruising. The first time I put the main up in 10 kn and the boat heeled 5 degrees she screamed.
Three years later she was wrestling the headsail down in 50kn in the Gulf of Papagayo when we were swept by a solid wave, she disappeared for several seconds. When she popped up streaming water she turned to me at the helm and shot me a bird. At the time I thought she had come a long way.
Good luck to all of you, my unsolicited advice is small steps.

[Charlie]

I must agree with Dana-Tenacity -- small steps. The other important thing is compromise. I would like to jump on the boat and sail for the next ten years. Before we got married we agreed that we would go cruising but didn't want to sell everything to do it. We never defined cruising though. We've talked about it since and she doesn't like the idea of passages. While it wold be nice to have the entire family together for passages I've come to realize that there is a good chance that I will be doing them with other friends or maybe pick up crew.

I love the feel of being on a well sailed boat. I like the movement of the boat I like the changes in whether and I even like the routine of standing watch. The fact that you get to meet new people and explore different cultures is jus an added bonus.

I would like to say that I have a success story but everything is still evolving. I've decided that I need to get the kids hooked on sailing and the wife. So I let her pick where we go. Mexico ( she likes warm water) the caribbean and the Med. FRom there I don't know what we are going to do. Oh yeah and I have to do more than my share of the work.

Another thing I am preparing myself for is not making this a competion. Rather than saying we are going to the Med I like the idea of saying we are going to head to Mexico and then maybe thru the canal or maybe back home and not have this plan of a circumnavigation b/c there may be a sense of failure if you don't complete your voyage. On the other had if the plan was to go to Mexico until it wasn't fun anymore . . . that is pretty hard to get wrong. I've been working on cruising since 1986 and I think that the thing I did wrong was not putting it in the forefront that the reason I'm working is to go cruising. I said it before we got married. It has been known that We would go cruising but now that the reality is here my wife is not so sure -- I'm trying to stick with Dana Tenacity's comment about small steps, working on compromise, and trying to set the trip up so that there is more chance of success than failure.