When you finally have to get rid of all your stuff

[JTSmith]

Originally Posted by Bill4

Five years ago I started offloading my stuff - sold it, gave it to charity shops, dumped it. A year later I only had about 10% of it left and 95% of that will be moving onto the boat with me.

My partner... Different story. After five years she managed to sell, give away or dump about 50% of her stuff.

We finally sold our house at the end of July and moved into a large rented apartment, along with boxes and boxes of her "stuff". So much so that we also had to rent a storage unit. We only gave the keys back to the storage unit about two weeks ago, but now the apartment has become the storage unit. We can't move for boxes of god-knows-what piled up from floor to ceiling. I hate it, I can't live like this. She knows... There have been arguments, full-blown blazing rows... At times it has not been good. She currently has 31 items on ebay... At the present rate of progress I'm naively hopeful that another 6 months should do it.

This dream to go full time liveaboard/cruising is as much hers as mine but it's been absolute agony watching the days, weeks, months and years tick by while she deals with her stuff from her old life (26 years married to someone who hated boats (she loves 'em). They separated a couple of years before we met).

Sorry, I don't know why I'm typing all this on a public forum but the topic struck a chord and I'm having a bad day.

Hey. Sometimes ya gotta vent. And this is good place to do it.

I'm now two weeks out. Furniture bank is coming tomorrow. Trash hauler on Friday. Fly to Lauderdale on Tuesday to take possession of the boat. Slip the lines and sail away on November 10th.

As my son says, "****'s gettin' real."


Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum

[dannc]

Originally Posted by Ex-Calif

@Danc - Maybe one way to look at the books is "paying it forward."

There is a used paperback stall at the mall here. They sell novels for like 50c or a$1. I aksed them if they want to buy my 200 or so paperbacks - I travel a lot and would buy 2 books a trip before I got the eBook clue.

They said they don't pay for books. When I next move from here my choice is to drop the books with this outfit or donate them to the sailling club library. The club doesn't take care of them and I like the idea that someone will get to read some of these books for 50c. So decision made.

In regards to hard cover, I have a lot of them as well. Some I will never part with - reference and some history stuff. But others I am going to have to give up.

The hardest stuff is the family stuff. I have a (largish) box of stuff my son has made since kindergarten. He is 17 and won't value this for a while. If I give it to him now he will lose it/dump it. He'll want some of it when he has kids.

I have papers I wrote and work I've done since college days. No value except the history of it. Who knows - great grandkids may want to see this stuff.

My grnadfather wrote for radio shows in the 50's. At one point we had all his scripts. During one family move they all got dumped by my parents. I sure wish I had that stuff back.

For those deciding to store - consider a warehouse moving company solution as opposed to self store. I pay $130 a quarter for a couple of large pallets. I have access for free to my stuff 2X/year with prior notice. For teh stuff you absolutely want to keep until the kids get older, you come back etc. This is way cheaper than a storage locker.

That is good information about the warehouse. Spend a $500 a year changes the equation quite a bit.

Many of my paperbacks are 30ish years old and pretty much worthless. They will fall apart if they are opened. The only value they really have is to recycle or light a fire. But it is interesting to see how much cheaper books where not so long ago!

Quite a few of the hard covers will go on the boat or stay in storage but some I will sell or give away. My Kindle buying decisions are not made on which is cheaper the Kindle version or hard back? Is the book worth taking up physical space? If the Kindle is not available for whatever reason, will it be important to have the physical book?

Many of my boating books I am buying as physical books. Some are eBooks but some of those I will go back and buy the physical book as well.

We have some stuff, thankfully small, that we bought for children in the family. We will give out this stuff when the kids become adults and maybe appreciate the memory reminders. I have some papers I wrote that will have to keep as well as some other stuff the kids will certainly want at some point. By mistake, long story, I threw out a book that was owned by my great uncle. The book was an aeronautical engineering text book he used during flight training during WWII. I actually read the book several time and found it very interesting. The great uncle never returned from a flight and is somewhere in the Pacific. I really get ticked off about loosing his text book. Flip side is that my kids are not likely to have cared about that book like I did since they have no real connection to that side of the family.

Much of the Get Rid of Stuff Angst is within me, myself and I.

I know understand some things about my grandparents as a result.

Later,
Dan

[Capt Phil]

After 15 years of cruising and finally moving ashore from a marvelous life of few possessions but lots of love, my now wife had a great time furnishing our house with lots of photos and new furniture. Neither of us has any attachment to the hard goods we have and could leave them behind in a minute. I'm having a hard time understanding what the attachment is to inanimate objects that you have been tripping over for years. Pets, I can understand but 'stuff'? I don't get it. She has read this thread and agrees... Phil

[oldragbaggers]

Originally Posted by Capt Phil

After 15 years of cruising and finally moving ashore from a marvelous life of few possessions but lots of love, my now wife had a great time furnishing our house with lots of photos and new furniture. Neither of us has any attachment to the hard goods we have and could leave them behind in a minute. I'm having a hard time understanding what the attachment is to inanimate objects that you have been tripping over for years. Pets, I can understand but 'stuff'? I don't get it. She has read this thread and agrees... Phil

I absolutely agree Phil. I've never seen a hearse pulling a U-haul. We're not taking it with us so why hold on so tight.

[BandB]

I see those struggling to get rid of stuff and encourage drastic action. Years turn into forever. Is it not wanting to part with it at all or not wanting to just give it away? Decide simply the minimum things you have to keep and then get rid of all the rest in maximum of 90 days. Just because you value it doesn't mean it's really worth much. Find someone who knows. Use someone to sell it for you. Put it on consignment somewhere. Do anything but make it happen now.

It's often best for the person involved just to choose a few items to keep and then turn it all over to someone else who doesn't have any emotional attachment to the items.

[dannc]

Originally Posted by Capt Phil

After 15 years of cruising and finally moving ashore from a marvelous life of few possessions but lots of love, my now wife had a great time furnishing our house with lots of photos and new furniture. Neither of us has any attachment to the hard goods we have and could leave them behind in a minute. I'm having a hard time understanding what the attachment is to inanimate objects that you have been tripping over for years. Pets, I can understand but 'stuff'? I don't get it. She has read this thread and agrees... Phil

I have a Grandfather Clock made by my grandfather. My grandfather had a grandfather clock that fascinated me as a kid and my dream was to have my grandfather, who was a very good cabinet maker, build me a grandfather clock. Eventually he did build me the clock a few years before he died.

I have a Shaker style desk made by my grandfather for my mother and her sisters. They used that table as kids, I used that table when I was a kid and now my kids are using it. I suspect one of the kids will take that table.

My grandmother's rocking chair I used to sit in every time I visited her, I know have in our house. That actually could go on the boat since it is a traveling rocking chair that folds up really easily that she bought from Sears. Silk fabric and hardwood and in great shape. About the only two pieces of furniture she had for most of her adult life.

I ain't talking about just stuff we are tripping over.

Most of the stuff we have we is just tools to live with that we would not need on a boat. We would just sell it or give it away and not even blink an eye.

We will inherit more stuff eventually. Some of it is just stuff but there are some pieces that are special and have been in the families for generations.

Ironically, one of the things I value highly was bought by my father in law who literally walked into a situation where a woman was selling a bunch of stuff that she inherited. She just wanted it gone so my FIL bought a few things. He kept some of the items and sold some over the years. I bought one item when he needed money and I did not want it to be sold out of the family.

There is stuff that has value other than money.

Later,
Dan

[Capt Phil]

Originally Posted by oldragbaggers

I absolutely agree Phil. I've never seen a hearse pulling a U-haul. We're not taking it with us so why hold on so tight.

good one!! Phil

[Capt Phil]

Originally Posted by dannc

I have a Grandfather Clock made by my grandfather. My grandfather had a grandfather clock that fascinated me as a kid and my dream was to have my grandfather, who was a very good cabinet maker, build me a grandfather clock. Eventually he did build me the clock a few years before he died.

I have a Shaker style desk made by my grandfather for my mother and her sisters. They used that table as kids, I used that table when I was a kid and now my kids are using it. I suspect one of the kids will take that table.

My grandmother's rocking chair I used to sit in every time I visited her, I know have in our house. That actually could go on the boat since it is a traveling rocking chair that folds up really easily that she bought from Sears. Silk fabric and hardwood and in great shape. About the only two pieces of furniture she had for most of her adult life.

I ain't talking about just stuff we are tripping over.

Most of the stuff we have we is just tools to live with that we would not need on a boat. We would just sell it or give it away and not even blink an eye.

We will inherit more stuff eventually. Some of it is just stuff but there are some pieces that are special and have been in the families for generations.

Ironically, one of the things I value highly was bought by my father in law who literally walked into a situation where a woman was selling a bunch of stuff that she inherited. She just wanted it gone so my FIL bought a few things. He kept some of the items and sold some over the years. I bought one item when he needed money and I did not want it to be sold out of the family.

There is stuff that has value other than money.

Later,
Dan

Never had much of a family so don't really appreciate the whole heirloom feeling or hand me down articles that have sentimental value. Therefore, I can't appreciate what you are feeling about the articles that mean so much to you. It makes sense, however. If I were in your situation, I think I would gift them to someone who meant something to me with the understanding that I would repossess them when I returned, if ever. At least that way someone who was important to me would get the enjoyment/use out of them while they had them.
Putting them into storage and paying month after month for them to sit there doesn't make much sense to me... but that is just me! Phil

[Mike OReilly]

The older I get the less attached I've become to "stuff." I'm content to get rid of everything that is not useful, but my spouse is more attached to some things. We also realize that there are some things that we might not be able to financially replace if/when we return to land life.

Our solution is to purchase a small storage trailer and park it for free on a friend's chunk of land. We are storing a set of land essentials so we can survive if/when we come back to land. We are also keeping a few irreplaceable items like some paintings and antiques, plus our motorcycles so we can live out of bikes in the winters while we sail the Maritimes and NFLD over the next few years.

[Hudson Force]

In 1981 after my wife and I had been living aboard for a decade, my parent's large house burned to the ground with nothing remaining that was recognizable except the fire irons from the fireplace. My parents were away camping in their RV. No one was harmed as no one was home. I don't remember them being troubled by the loss of their possessions.

'just lucky I guess!

[oldragbaggers]

dannc, in that case I understand completely wanting to hold onto those particular items to keep them in the family. There are a couple of things we are not parting with and will have a storage room to keep them. One is our teardrop camper and associated camping gear, because we still plan to take land breaks even after we start cruising, and a few very select items that we want to keep, either because of high emotional value or continued usefulness like tools, and can stack around it. (Since we already have the room.....right?)

I also have an appreciation for history and believe there are some things that just shouldn't be lost, which is exactly what items like yours represent.

But when it comes down to the "common" stuff.....let it go.

If the children are old enough to appreciate and care for them why not just pass them down now? They will just go a little sooner to their eventual owners and you will be able to "visit" them whenever you visit your children.

If the children are not yet adults and prepared to be the guardians of such precious heirlooms then I think storage of them is certainly justified and I would do the same in your situation.

[dannc]

Originally Posted by dannc

...
Ironically, one of the things I value highly was bought by my father in law who literally walked into a situation where a woman was selling a bunch of stuff that she inherited. She just wanted it gone so my FIL bought a few things. He kept some of the items and sold some over the years. I bought one item when he needed money and I did not want it to be sold out of the family.
...

I quoteth myself!

We will inherit more of the stuff that my FIL bought from the lady who was getting rid of what she inherited and did not want. She literally dumped the stuff in a big pile in a store and asked for a price just as my FIL walked into the place.

Some of what my FIL bought were brass kerosene lanterns. I forgot if they were from trains or boats but they are really nice and he uses them when they loose power. We would like to keep those and they would fit it on the boat.

Now, the lady's father must have been an interesting guy, part of what was for sale was real Zulu leather shields and short stabbing spears(Assagai). We have no idea how the guy got these things but they are really nice. The shield's leather still has the hair on and is really a work of art.

The spears and shields are on the wall in my FIL's house so I figured we could put them on a bulkhead. Do you think we will have problem's checking in to certain countries with his and her Zulu shields and spears?

I think the shields and spears would be VERY useful in repelling pirates armed with machetes! I can just see us at the steps leading to the swim deck with our matching Zulu shields and spears after ringing the Farm Bell to sound Repel Boarders! The wife and I will have to practice our Zulu War Chants though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4ozAB3SsdI

I do have a few Ladysmith Black Mambazo albums so that might work played over the loud speakers...

This short piece from the movie Zulu, which is a GREAT movie, shows the shields and spears I am talking about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-lDY02DThk

The text says they used the Zulu chants in Gladiator!

One quick scene in the movie is two soldiers opening an ammo box. That is really an important scene. The movie is about the Defense of Rourkes Drift which was a small little outpost that the Zulus attacked after overrunning and kill over 1,000 British soldiers and allies at Isandlwana. Though the Zulus were fighting against repeating rifles, they overrun the British army. The theory has to how this happened was because of bad tactical deployment of the British units and difficulty of opening the ammo boxes for resupply.

Right up there with the Zulu war chants are Maori Hakas! I ran into this one on YouTube months ago. If this don't get your blood up....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5js6wPXec4

I think we would scare away the pirates if the wife and I are shouting a Maori Haka while banging our Zulu shields and spears while on the Flybridge! This also might work in a marina if people on the next boat are having too loud of a party.

Yep, Zulu Stuff is going on the boat!

Later,
Dan

[MarkJ]

Weirdly enough I cant even remember most of the stuff I got rid of.
I have a few boxes of photos left i storage and thats all.

[BandB]

Dan and other in similar situations

Only you can decide the value to you of keeping those items. There are a couple of things I might consider if I was you.

1. The memories aren't in the items but in your mind. You remember people and events. The item just stimulates that but there are other ways.

2. Are these items you'll ever have a use for? Do you expect to move back somewhere you'd love to have them in your home to use?

If there is a future special use then some form of storage may well make sense. If not you might try to place them. Sell them to someone who can appreciate their history.

How to store?
-With family or friends. Let them use the items but make sure it's known to be a loan.
-Storage units
-At a moving company storage but beware that moving companies frequently move....bankruptcy, disappearing, many things. So necessary there or storage until to periodically check.
-Maintain the smallest rental you possibly can and keep them there with some other things.

In the case of some people struggling to get rid of stuff, need to be careful that it really is the stuff you're struggling with and not the entire leaving the home, leaving family and friends. We could leave our stuff easily. But we can't give up our land base at this time.

[JPA Cate]

"need to be careful that it really is the stuff you're struggling with and not the entire leaving the home, leaving family and friends"

I completely agree. It's best if you understand that you're in the process of grieving the loss of the emotional attachments. In my case, I mostly came to grips with that after the fact, but it would have helped if someone had pointed it out to me at the time.

Ann