sos wife takes new baby off boat

[donradcliffe]

We just visited some friends who had two babies while cruising--one in New Caledonia and one in Australia. They kept cruising with the kids off and on for 15 years, but they are now all living in Nashville and the boat is for sale. The kids have turned out great, but love soccer and their friends more than the sea.

I know a lot of couples who said 'the baby isn't going to change our life--we'll just take it along while we do what we were doing". Those of us who have had kids know what a surprise they are in for.

[Bestathook]

In my experience, the more a woman learns about operating and maintaining a boat, the more comfortable she is living on it. If "SHE" is a visitor in ""HIS" onboard world, she will not be comfortable.

The same goes for decision making. She won't be a partner until she has a full partner's 50% of the decision making.

There are enough happy female members of the Forum to show that this is possible.

Also, there is a lot of costs in money and inconvenience in living aboard. If you love the live aboard lifestyle, it is more than worth the cost. But if you don't love it, the costs seem insurmountable. And giving a baby the proper care she needs raises the costs dramatically.

Life is long, and there is time for all we truly want. The opportunity for enjoying a young child is altogether too brief.

Between being a good father and being a good sailor, the choice is obvious to me, both ethically and in joy. The Daddies have it.

There are many kinds of happiness, and we are not limited to just one.

[Cheechako]

Originally Posted by Pookie

I am the mother of this young child. I have been having a hard time for a while living aboard and it got worse once our daughter was born. I moved to be with my mate from a home and had never had any boating life other than on the weekend with friends every once in a while. I have expressed repeatedly how I feel, maybe not as direct as I have been since our daughter was born. I have been seen by a Dr. And it is not PPD. It is a true desire to move back on land. I do not know how to change the way I feel. I do love this man with all of my heart. He says if he moves on land he will be as miserable as I am on the boat. We are in a pickle here and could use more insight. Thank-you in advance for your assistance.

well..... anything you guys do is not permanent! Talk about it, if life is better on land right now do that. He can still go sailing... be sure to give him the "room" to do that. Your nesting instincts are probably at a peak right now with a new baby.... maybe you two should "go with the flow".. This too shall pass.......

[john540]

House with a dock?

[Morning Star36]

Originally Posted by john540

House with a dock?

Perfect!

[Teknav]

Hiya Morning! On the way to Key West - FL, there's a private key that has a house built on it, an indoor garage, a boat's slip and a 2500 ft private air strip. (I will not name that Key.) Now, that is what I call a PERFECT living! Take care!

Mauritz
Simplicity and elegance through engineering.

[Kahuna George]

Originally Posted by Pookie

He says if he moves on land he will be as miserable as I am on the boat. We are in a pickle here and could use more insight. Thank-you in advance for your assistance.

You both have control issues. It is a little late but as a couple do you have a ten year plan? 5 year? 1 year? Really one day you do not want to wake up and ask, "how did I end up here?"

[barnakiel]

Originally Posted by Kahuna George

You both have control issues. It is a little late but as a couple do you have a ten year plan? 5 year? 1 year? Really one day you do not want to wake up and ask, "how did I end up here?"

George,

Such X year plans, what are they like? Just asking as me and my mate we got none. We sometimes wake up late in the morning, look each other in the eye and say: hey, let's see what's gonna happen today. Then we stay in bed another 30' or so. The one who loses in this game makes lunch.

My another obs is that I think like 99% of my plans I never got thru with them. So here again, I do not know where I am.

Yep. You got me right. To some, plans are a poor substitute of passion.

b.

[Kahuna George]

Originally Posted by barnakiel

George,

Such X year plans, what are they like? Just asking as me and my mate we got none.

My another obs is that I think like 99% of my plans I never got thru with them. So here again, I do not know where I am.

Yep. You got me right. To some, plans are a poor substitute of passion.

b.

It is an apple / orange cup half full thing.

Some people stay in poverty their whole life and wonder how did I never get a career, an education, working forever in a minimum wage job with no future.

If you are living your dream, enjoying your passion. You do not need advice. But do you think everyone is lucky like us. I see homeless people everyday and not all of them are drug addicts or mentally ill.

You got advice for a couple sleeping in a '93 Ford with two infants? On one hand they got a great view of sunrise everyday.

[barnakiel]

Originally Posted by Kahuna George

(...)

You got advice for a couple sleeping in a '93 Ford with two infants? On one hand they got a great view of sunrise everyday.

At this stage they do not need advice. They might use help though.

The way I see things, the duty to think up and implement such help is the responsibility, duty and job of the govt.

But as long as the majority that still has a job votes for politicians that are busy providing comfortable and profitable laws for the rich of the world, nothing will change for the couple in the Ford.

So we either need to change the way we vote and elect our govt or else we are very close to a stage where the rich of the world will solve the 'issue' of the couple in the Ford the way they did so many times in the past.

So this is my advice, except not for the people in that Ford but rather for the people in their Bavarias.

b.

[Stu Jackson]

Had a dream to "Sail Away." Had kids, one divorce, one remarriage, not boat related. Never did sail away, still have the kids and love them both. But do sail once a week. Used to daysail. Now only go out for at least one night at anchor, many times singlehanded (I claim that the mainsail cover is the ONLY work left on the boat so taking it off and putting it back on on the same day is a PITA!).

My daughter lives back east. Our son is still with us even after graduated college two + years ago!!! YIKES!!!

But he swore off sailing about ten years ago - too slow. Now he's back into it, loves the ocean and has gone racing with me a few times. Tomorrow, son & wife will be coming along for our two day yearly C34 Regatta!

Things change over time. You two seem to have identified an issue that can be resolved. All of us have our stories, that's mine.

Good luck, you can do it. There's a lot of merit to avoiding the "my way or the highway" approach - didn't work out too well for a major politician in 2003 - 2008, did it?

[Kahuna George]

Originally Posted by barnakiel

The way I see things, the duty to think up and implement such help is the responsibility, duty and job of the govt. ...

b.

What I am saying if you have a plan you are really a step ahead and you do not have to expect the government to bail you out if you are not fortunate to have a trust account.

YOLO and YMMV

[barnakiel]

Yep.

Looks like a boat related post evolved into a broader discussion on how we manage our lives!

I think a high point is that once the baby is there we cannot say 'I will take care of it tomorrow'. So very much like offshore sailing where you have to address the real and the immediate before making plans for any tomorrows.

Very educative to me.

b.

[Kahuna George]

Originally Posted by barnakiel

I think a high point is that once the baby is there we cannot say 'I will take care of it tomorrow'.

b.

The baby should be a part of your plans. Not a surprise. Hopefully the baby will not be used as a bargaining chip by either parent as we have seen in the past.

[jjt5795]

From personal experience. I was living on a boat when my wife and I met. She had 2 young daughters and no desire to live on a boat. However, she was the right life partner. We have had a great life together on land. We kept the boat for weekends, vacations, etc. Now, 20+ years later, we are living full time on the boat.

As an old man in the Bahamas told me in my single days. Find your first mate before you leave. Find the woman who is the first thing you want to see in the morning, the last thing you want to see at night and when she puts her arms around your neck, the whole world goes away. Marry her. If she wants to go sailing, great. If not, it won't matter.

Sounds like you have found the girl and now have a family to raise. Come to terms with her on where to raise your daughter. Keep the boat if you can. Go sailing when you can. You daughter will most likely learn your love of the sea. Mine did.