Solitude vs. Lonliness

[Papasail]

In planning to ditch my (lonely) landlubber life for liveaboard life... sometimes there can be a delicate balance between solitude, and abject lonliness... Is liveaboard life going to reward me with more lonliness, or do you see it as more expansive and rewarding? People moving all about seems like fast-friendships are unlikely. Or is there a big piece that I'm missing? I'd like to make some fast friends, but have no idea if that is at all realistic?
Thanks,
Bill

[senormechanico]

Bll,

I never lived aboard in a marina, although wife and I lived aboard while sailing to Mexico and there for 4 years.
We have never been high on the social interaction list, but we really do like to visit with other cruisers.
We met people on every social scale from butterflies to ax murderer types and political prisoner heroes.
People are people.
Imho, cruising is not a fix it all for social interaction, that's up to you to make friends whether on a boat or land.

Take a hard look at yourself and how you interact with others.
This is meant only as a gentle hint about self examination.
Are you shy and can't admit it to yourself? Just asking.

[44'cruisingcat]

When you meet people ashore, you may find you have nothing in common. When you meet other liveaboards and cruisers, you do have at least one common interest.

[SV Bacchus]

Solitude is being alone when you want to be, and you enjoy it.

Loneliness is being alone when you want to be with others, and you don't enjoy it.

Those are, of course, JMHO.

Agree with 44CC, you will have a common interest point with other cruisers and it should be easy to "join in" when you are lonely and don't want to be.

[Diesel Bill]

I've been (I think) an introvert as long as I can remember. I have friends but always seemed to enjoy doing things and being on my own even as a child. I like being around people for a while then like to retreat to my boat for some alone time and solitude. I lived in New York City for 17 years and remember being lonely while surrounded by millions of people. I normally get along fine by myself and don't like to depend on other people for help.
I know sometimes it can't be helped if it's physically impossible to do alone. I have to bite the bullet now and ask for help to get the inflatable off the back of the boat and up the ramp to the parking lot and load in the back of my truck. I asked my stepson a month ago and he's to busy. Asked the adult grandsons and they're busy with classes and their own lives. I was going to pay the marina workers and they are hard to pin down.
People around boats seem more open and outgoing and willing to take time to talk to others. I remember saying hello to neighbors in N.Y. and being ignored. WTF? Talk about being paranoid. Wow!
Anyway you have to like your own company. I happen to be lucky as I learned to really like solitude. Seems like the things I like I can mostly do alone.

[Tetepare]

Originally Posted by 44'cruisingcat

When you meet people ashore, you may find you have nothing in common. When you meet other liveaboards and cruisers, you do have at least one common interest.

And it's NOT baseball or the latest TV show or Kardashians!

[Kenomac]

Originally Posted by Tetepare

And it's NOT baseball or the latest TV show or Kardashians!

What's a Kardashian? A character from Star Trek?

[44'cruisingcat]

It's a button up sweater isn't it?

[Kenomac]

Originally Posted by 44'cruisingcat

It's a button up sweater isn't it?

Or....

[Papasail]

You guys are funny and generous with your answers (thank you). Life NOT aboard I think has changed dramatically in America. I'm older, and that seems to be a factor: younger groups segregate with younger, and older groups have established friends and don't expand too much. For Little Rock Arkansas, there tends to be a forced distance here that didn't used to be here. I think paranoia is a useful definition, and I would add narcissism and (for Little Rock) elitism as well (Arkansas has historically been a poor State, and if anyone has a dollar in their pocket, they tend to think they are amazing people). The other barrier (and I'm being kind to Christians here) is the brand practised here is highly judgemental... if you don't profess that religion, you are an immediate "red hefer"/ outcast. It makes dating at my age a nightmare (aside from the tension that is building in America regarding sexuality/ battle of the sexes). I'm pretty live-and-let-live, and never met a stranger, but adult relationships here tend to be met with suspicion (back to paranoia).
I'm hopeful that sailor's dispositions are healthier, because (curiously enough) they have to deal with reality every day: wind, waves, regulating sails, and caring for crew. I'm hoping they don't get lost in their own heads as much, and word on the street is that they are an odd lot anyway (which I like).

[Cocklebosun]

Originally Posted by Papasail

In planning to ditch my (lonely) landlubber life for liveaboard life... sometimes there can be a delicate balance between solitude, and abject lonliness... Is liveaboard life going to reward me with more lonliness, or do you see it as more expansive and rewarding? People moving all about seems like fast-friendships are unlikely. Or is there a big piece that I'm missing? I'd like to make some fast friends, but have no idea if that is at all realistic?
Thanks,
Bill

The answer is very simple Bill. Learn to be happy with your own company. You can be lonely in a crowd but it's very much possible to be happy in solitude. (see above) You certainly should not be seeking 'fast friends' but cherish your old ones, don't be boring and sad. Looking after your health is so important. To wake up on a well founded boat, on a mooring, river/canal/creek on a reasonably sunny day and put the kettle on, together with the toast and stove (seasonal variation!) being in control, go where you wish, when you want, unbeatable. It takes a little practise, as does everything worth the end result. Solitude and loneliness, in my experience, are totally different. My latest boat is a Colvic Watson 25'6". My first was an Aircraft Carrier. I am 78. Give it some thought and keep control. Cocklebosun.

[indiana_ct]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

What's a Kardashian? A character from Star Trek?

I think you probably stopped watching ( poor) television about the same time as I did. I am vaguely aware that people watch soap operas and "reality" TV.
If you do want some worthwhile viewing I can thoroughly recommend recent nature documentaries that use animatronics to get cameras close in to other species and a fantastic short series about Galapagos with Lisa Bonnin. TV isn't all bad. It just pays to be extremely selective.

I have spent lots of time alone without feeling lonely. I can always find something to do that prevents boredom and if I feel a need for communication I can usually write, record, photograph something to share later.

The only time I have felt lonely is when surrounded by crowds of other people in a highly densely populated area with whom I could not connect for whatever reason.

[Steadman Uhlich]

Originally Posted by Cocklebosun

The answer is very simple Bill. Learn to be happy with your own company. You can be lonely in a crowd but it's very much possible to be happy in solitude. (see above) You certainly should not be seeking 'fast friends' but cherish your old ones, don't be boring and sad. Looking after your health is so important. To wake up on a well founded boat, on a mooring, river/canal/creek on a reasonably sunny day and put the kettle on, together with the toast and stove (seasonal variation!) being in control, go where you wish, when you want, unbeatable. It takes a little practise, as does everything worth the end result. Solitude and loneliness, in my experience, are totally different. My latest boat is a Colvic Watson 25'6". My first was an Aircraft Carrier. I am 78. Give it some thought and keep control. Cocklebosun.

Good post.

Welcome Aboard CF COCKLEBOSUN!

[Kenomac]

Originally Posted by Papasail

You guys are funny and generous with your answers (thank you). Life NOT aboard I think has changed dramatically in America. I'm older, and that seems to be a factor: younger groups segregate with younger, and older groups have established friends and don't expand too much. For Little Rock Arkansas, there tends to be a forced distance here that didn't used to be here. I think paranoia is a useful definition, and I would add narcissism and (for Little Rock) elitism as well (Arkansas has historically been a poor State, and if anyone has a dollar in their pocket, they tend to think they are amazing people). The other barrier (and I'm being kind to Christians here) is the brand practised here is highly judgemental... if you don't profess that religion, you are an immediate "red hefer"/ outcast. It makes dating at my age a nightmare (aside from the tension that is building in America regarding sexuality/ battle of the sexes). I'm pretty live-and-let-live, and never met a stranger, but adult relationships here tend to be met with suspicion (back to paranoia).
I'm hopeful that sailor's dispositions are healthier, because (curiously enough) they have to deal with reality every day: wind, waves, regulating sails, and caring for crew. I'm hoping they don't get lost in their own heads as much, and word on the street is that they are an odd lot anyway (which I like).

Not to worry, people out here in the Med anchorages are easy to meet and establish long lasting relationships. This past week, I've been getting back in touch with six or ten couples and singles we've met over the past few years for meet ups in Croatia and Montenegro over the summer.

It's easy to spend time with people when we have so much in common. No nasties from the internet or hometown, just nice everyday folks.

[Hudson Force]

Take a few minutes to seriously evaluate your favorite activities. List the ten most appealing ways that you enjoy spending your time.

Many people will find that eight or nine of their most pleasing activities are accomplished alone. Others find that the majority of their favorites involve others.

I just can't make decisions without numerical data. In fact one of my most enjoyable activities is to attempt to solve problems with numerical data and I can do this alone!