Single Women Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look

[JPA Cate]

The Australian Navy has at least one female ship's Captain. It was a pleasure listening to her on the VHF, dealing with the tug boat skippers, so very professional!

Ann

[Exile]

Originally Posted by misfits

Society in general looks upon people that live on boats as being outcasts, misfits, homeless & for many that is not true. It's a lifestyle one chooses for whatever the reason regardless of their sex.

At the same time many liveaboards look at society as generally comprised of misfits & crazies that they choose not to live around.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

The Australian Navy has at least one female ship's Captain. It was a pleasure listening to her on the VHF, dealing with the tug boat skippers, so very professional!

Ann

There are several female cruise ship captains as well. They have been featured in documentaries which can be found on youTube.

[unbusted67]

Originally Posted by cyan

I'm a guy.
I know a total of ONE woman who lives aboard. Kathy. She is in her gray-haired years on an old 30' monohull that does not appear to be all that seaworthy. There are funky decorations on deck and a ton of bird poop. She has been in the marina for a looong time. Her dock lines are crusty. I think most people avoid her like most people avoid an old lady with too many cats.
I truly dig her.
She swears like a pirate and rambles on about the genetic differences among bears on different Alaskan islands with whiskey breath. I think she is a bit lonely and her head just gets filled up with too many words.

1. Do single women get treated oddly by others when they are single liveaboards? I think my friend Kathy is treated better by men than women at the dock, but I'm not sure why.

2. Are single females living aboard escaping society more than the single males living aboard? Is that rude? Is it just more accepted to see a guy in that position?

I think the real question shouldn't be if women liveaboards are accepted more or less.

The real question should be: why are female cruisers treated differently by men?

My female "friend" (FB only) who is a full time cruiser has to constantly beat back uninvited advances by hundreds of dudes to come sailing. And the mansplaining about how to fix stuff is absolutely unbelievable. Men treat this women like she is mentally disabled. It is embarrassing.

We have a problem with toxic masculinity in America and it is amplified in cruising circles because there are a lot of older males who for one reason or another have been completely left out of the conversation about women's lib etc.

Probably going to raise some hackles with this comment. If you are confused please feel free to read through this very thread at the chauvinism exhibited.

[cyan]

Originally Posted by Nani Kai

You have just posted a perfect description of the Harbor Rat. Found around the world. They come in different sizes, different ages, and different sexes. For the most part I find them interesting, fascinating individuals. They always have a story to tell, don't particularly care for the niceties of society and often are the source for particularly colorful comments.

Yeah, the "harbor rat" might be another subject altogether. The crusty dock lines are a giveaway. What are the other tell-tales?

[jlcnuke]

Originally Posted by unbusted67

I think the real question shouldn't be if women liveaboards are accepted more or less.

The real question should be: why are female cruisers treated differently by men?

My female "friend" (FB only) who is a full time cruiser has to constantly beat back uninvited advances by hundreds of dudes to come sailing. And the mansplaining about how to fix stuff is absolutely unbelievable. Men treat this women like she is mentally disabled. It is embarrassing.

We have a problem with toxic masculinity in America and it is amplified in cruising circles because there are a lot of older males who for one reason or another have been completely left out of the conversation about women's lib etc.

Probably going to raise some hackles with this comment. If you are confused please feel free to read through this very thread at the chauvinism exhibited.

I have a woman acquaintance who has never pumped gas in her life. It isn't because she doesn't drive, it's because she won't do it because (in her words) "that's a man's job".

If you take a poll of 1,000 men and 1,000 women and ask them questions such as "do you work on your own engine?", "are you mechanically inclined?", "do you enjoy doing manual labor?", and other 'traditionally male' stereotypes we'd still get a much larger percentage of men answering yes than women.

I've never heard anyone question if a woman says she's going to sew something buy I've gotten "you know how to sew??" multiple times over the years (from women).

While society, in general, "knows" that men and women can do pretty much all the same things, that doesn't mean that stereotypes disappear or aren't often correct.

I also don't see anything wrong with a man appreciating the appearance of a woman who likes to "doll herself up" etc anymore than I'd have a problem with a woman admiring a man in a tailored tuxedo. Similarly, I don't see a problem in asking about women as singles cruising (in a predominantly male singles cruising world) anymore than I'd see a problem with people asking about men working as nurses (a predominantly female world).

So maybe we could focus less on the "chauvinism" thoughts and more on discussing the topic itself?

[Ahmet Erkan]

Four pages of posts and each one was worth my time to read.
Subjects like this help us understand ourselves as sailors.
I jumped ship from a long navy career just a few years after graduating from the naval academy. The "know it all" attitude of men is always there, the only reason men can work together on a warship is the rank and file system. The lower ranks are forced to do exactly what they are told by the higher ranks.
A merchant marine captain told me once that he wanted to do a circumnavigation when he retired but he wanted to do it without having to issue orders to his mate all the time. He added that what he wanted could not be done by another male watch keeper and that only females could help sail a small craft the way he wanted. Unfortunately he could not talk his wife into the circumnavigation and departing with another female would not be possible for so many reasons in a marriage.
The thoughts "I can do this in a much better way but I am doing it your way because you are the captain" comes out of the pores of every male sailor even if they have to keep their mouths shut.
Having said all that, I think one of the reasons I did not want to roam the oceans with 150 other guys is they just don't smell good :-)
Cheers mates.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by angelfish2

zengirl, perhaps a better word than judgmental would be discernment. Judgmental seems to be a word that is tossed around in our modern world when a person simply disagrees with another person. Does that sound apprapo?

Whatever word you use, to me it just seems like an unnecessary limitation on positive social interaction.

I make a point to say Good morning and hello to most people I meet, I joke with the Filipino boat boys about the amount of glass and stainless they need to keep clean on their bosses boat, or tell them how nice the are keeping it looking.
I saw hello to strangers in elevators and interact with people having fun at a tourist destination.

Now that i think about it, I first started consciously doing this after some time volunteering at a suicide help line when I learned that some people just need to be noticed and engaged in a friendly way.

Like Zee and Zen, I am pretty selective about who becomes a friend and can politely dissuade anyone from getting too close.

As Will Rogers was misquoted, I start with the premise that 'I never met a man I didn't like'

Perhaps, we are all like solo sailors at a huge anchorage.

Keeping our own swing room room, but open to a wave and a complement as a gesture of camaraderie .......while hoping that one of them doesn't drag into you[emoji4]

[zengirl]

angelfish2
zengirl, perhaps a better word than judgmental would be discernment. Judgmental seems to be a word that is tossed around in our modern world when a person simply disagrees with another person. Does that sound apprapo?

Yes, a much better word. I'm with you, I think people are great. Everywhere. like you stated "inspirational". I just love listening to people who have done interesting things with their life. I too choose to hang out with men more than women just because....

[LLizzard]

Originally Posted by zeehag

asocial folks not necessarily mentally ill... people suck. some of us with higher than 90 iq intelligence keep away from the others by choice due to lack of desire to tolerate bs.
i, for example, remain away from most others as most others are not up to conversation or practicality. there is judgementalism, there is projection of their illnesses onto others, such as calling folks squatters or mentally ill, and there are other issues. i was paid well for many years to treat and mebbe cure others. i am dead tired of the bs proffered by judgementalists disagreeing with something they donot even know or understand.
and then there are the alleged repair artistes...they squawk about how good their work is despite many returns for burning or sinking.... ok..if this is a standard, then standards are in direst need of revision.
i choose to remain away from most others. my choice.
am done with cretins and balderdash. cannot tolerate hypocrites liars cheats and scam artists. met many in my different modes of gypsying in my life. i donot need the crap spewed by others to junk up my lifestyle.
most of the females i have met soloing on ocean have been of similar mindset.
and you guys wonder why you cannot "get" a female sailor?? hahahahahahaha
we understand your con and ignore it.

want a female sailor??
ditch your testy-osterone addled attitude and learn to tolerate others better than i tolerate your scams cons and passive aggressive balderdash. women get tired of the constant push for touchy feely invasions of borders and boundaries
sadly , this is the result of observation and experience.

want stilletto heels?? get your lapdance at the local girlee bar.

OK, now tell us how you really feel Zee

[alansmith]

Heh lizard, as my daughter would say, "don't poke the bear!"

[Pelagic]

I think the key question for both threads but especially this one is:
Is there an age when a single sailor...should remain....single?

I have friends who have been single all their lives and tell me about the pressures from family and friends to find a partner.

Once in a while their resolve weakens and they try to develop a serious relationship only to be bitterly disappointed and go back to singledom.

In a way, I admire people who have decided that daily freedom is more important than daily hugs, but as you get older, does that resolve strengthen or weaken?

[Joel E Felt]

What Zee said. Minus the rant. As a single ( not by choice ) it happens sometimes by chance or fate, you pinball thru life, you are always alone. If I could I would?
I guess you play the hand your dealt.


Joel E Felt

[weavis]

Gentle people.

The mods have removed a lot of posts. A lot.

Please let me explain WHY the posts were removed, in no particular order.

Moderator commenting.
Not boating related.
Content not acceptable.
Contentious.
Off topic in a large way.
Language.
Politics.

We also had to remove responses to posts made. This is no reflection on the poster. It just made the thread disjointed.

This is the last time we will prune the thread. Please read the rules. From here on in, posts will just be removed if the moderators consider them one of the above and serial offenders will be issued with the relevant response.


Be nice and remember this is CruisersForum and ultimately boating related.

[goat]

Like pelagic, I make friends quickly, don't mind starting a conversation on the dock, love to tell a joke to a complete stranger just so they know we're all in this together.

Like the judgemental...err discerning posters, I know we are given a limited time on this earth. I won't waste that precious resource on people (men or women) whom I 'judge' to be not worth it. Fair? Who cares? There's only so many marbles in your jar of life, give them to those who deserve them.

Am I a loner dock rat? Maybe, but as long as I'm meeting new people and sharing experiences, I couldn't care less. You came into life alone and you're leaving alone, make yourself happy.

goat