Single Women Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look

[captlloyd]

Anyone do Landmark Education, “The Forum”. It is all about creating a life not based on your past. That certainly would apply to some of the comments posted on this thread.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by evm1024

I imagine that many women who are the masters of their boats run into attitudes that would make me defensive from both men and women. That "history" would make anyone reluctant to open up to someone the do not know.

Good post evm and it does makes sense. But my "observation" (not judgement) is that this is a negative way to deal with others.

Self confidence and humor are your greatest assetts , whatever gender and situation you are in.

I became friends with 3 single women who each owned their own gillnet boats in BC Canada.

Met them in the early days of marine college when we were all in the watch keep mates course.
Strong, independent and smart, they struggled early (as most did) with chart work at commercial standards. Being already trained to that standard and using triangles, they chose me as a tutor and soon were acing the work.
In return, I was invited out to Lander where they kept their boats for a few potluck dinners.....over wine, heard all the stories about early encounters with judgemental male fishermen and men in general.

How they just laughed and eventually out fished them as the best way to respond.

Thier attitude really impressed and taught me of the value of humor and self confidence to deal with those who feel we are not capable to succed on our own..... That applies to all single sailors.

I just think that is the positive message we should encourage.

[Drmanso]

And there you have it, in a nut shell.

[cyan]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Good post evm and it does makes sense. But my "observation" (not judgement) is that this is a negative way to deal with others.

Self confidence and humor are your greatest assetts , whatever gender and situation you are in.

I became friends with 3 single women who each owned their own gillnet boats in BC Canada.

Met them in the early days of marine college when we were all in the watch keep mates course.
Strong, independent and smart, they struggled early (as most did) with chart work at commercial standards. Being already trained to that standard and using triangles, they chose me as a tutor and soon were acing the work.
In return, I was invited out to Lander where they kept their boats for a few potluck dinners.....over wine, heard all the stories about early encounters with judgemental male fishermen and men in general.

How they just laughed and eventually out fished them as the best way to respond.

Thier attitude really impressed and taught me of the value of humor and self confidence to deal with those who feel we are not capable to succed on our own..... That applies to all single sailors.

I just think that is the positive message we should encourage.

Thanks for the good story, Pelagic! I'm not sure why some people go so negative, but your positive advice is golden.

My daughter has learned how to use EVERY tool in the toolbox- some by watching me, some by asking me. When she grabbed the helm for the first time as a late-teenager, and steered a perfect close reach after simply observing... well I was a friggin silly cheerleader. It's funny how goofy a loving parent can get. That girl is fearless, and laughs at detractors.

I have yet to meet a single woman liveaboard who actually CRUISES, but my sample size is small to begin with. That says little about the category- just describes the reason for my curiosity of this whole subject.

We follow the sailing adventures of Liz Clark and other female solo sailors with much interest. This is a new age, and just a little sliver of Amelia Earhart's spirit can more easily now propel women to any dream over the horizon that they wish. Learning this lesson, then mixing in humor and self confidence when presented with old-school obstacles is a wonderful way for a modern woman to strive. I've seen it first-hand.

[Maka]

Fascinating topic.

[alansmith]

Cyan, hard to meet those single liveaboards who are cruisers when they are out cruising....he he he...

i am always afraid of women in stilletos. Saw Charlize Theron kill a bad boy agent in the back of the car with her high heel in Atomic Blonde. So, i know it can be done.

Old guy now. When someone has high walls built around them...those walls weren't built overnight. It took many situations to build stratagems so complex and sophisticated. Men and women both deploy them quite well as we get older.

The stratagems ...in a way ....are so effective that ...SOMETIMES...not even a real person can break through. The defenses become a self fulfilling prophecy in effect. That is okay if that is what the purpose is for. If you want to live alone and not interact with other people...it is certainly your right to do so.

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by weavis

So.

Unless you can find a real reason to have this thread on Cruisers forum, It will be closed soon. Make it boating related or we remove it.

Oh no, not this again! As a singlehander racer, single woman boat owner (for five years now), liveaboard (for two years now) and ocean passage maker (this summer), I can assure you that both men and women are just interested and fascinated by my constant boat projects and where I was last weekend. That might have more to me being docked at the beginning of the dock so they all pass my way, but I love the social atmosphere and the interest. I'm happy to talk with them all. I don't understand the the fascination and yet I do because it doesn't fit current norms. Nothing wrong with that. You'd do the same if your neighbor dressed in Star Wars regalia and rice a roadster every weekend But I do it because nothing beats the view from my marina....

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

I find it ironic that you and Zee are so judgemental, bitter and resolute about avoiding people you don't really know, yet describe "Them" as being so judgemental as one of the reasons?

Seems like a negative way to go thru life.

Lol... This did not escape me either. Quite funny.

[sailorcherry]

Well put Zeehag, I'm with ya!
Sending you hugs from sunny Norcal.

Originally Posted by zeehag

asocial folks not necessarily mentally ill... people suck. some of us with higher than 90 iq intelligence keep away from the others by choice due to lack of desire to tolerate bs.

i choose to remain away from most others. my choice.
am done with cretins and balderdash. cannot tolerate hypocrites liars cheats and scam artists. met many in my different modes of gypsying in my life. i donot need the crap spewed by others to junk up my lifestyle.
most of the females i have met soloing on ocean have been of similar mindset.

[gamayun]

Argh. How can one edit one's post from the app....?! I meant to say "drove a roadster..." I'm actually somewhat technically savvy too

As to these questions:

Originally Posted by cyan

1. Do single women get treated oddly by others when they are single liveaboards?

2. Are single females living aboard escaping society more than the single males living aboard? Is that rude? Is it just more accepted to see a guy in that position?

No.
No.
Huh? Is my desire to live my life as I desire "rude"? To whom? Why would I even care?
No.

[Nani Kai]

Originally Posted by cyan

I'm a guy.
I know a total of ONE woman who lives aboard. Kathy. She is in her gray-haired years on an old 30' monohull that does not appear to be all that seaworthy. There are funky decorations on deck and a ton of bird poop. She has been in the marina for a looong time. Her dock lines are crusty. I think most people avoid her like most people avoid an old lady with too many cats.
I truly dig her.
She swears like a pirate and rambles on about the genetic differences among bears on different Alaskan islands with whiskey breath. I think she is a bit lonely and her head just gets filled up with too many words.

1. Do single women get treated oddly by others when they are single liveaboards? I think my friend Kathy is treated better by men than women at the dock, but I'm not sure why.

2. Are single females living aboard escaping society more than the single males living aboard? Is that rude? Is it just more accepted to see a guy in that position?

You have just posted a perfect description of the Harbor Rat. Found around the world. They come in different sizes, different ages, and different sexes. For the most part I find them interesting, fascinating individuals. They always have a story to tell, don't particularly care for the niceties of society and often are the source for particularly colorful comments.

Women are just as likely as men to ditch society and live by their own standards and definitions. Society on the other hand is not as ready to let that happen. As patriarchs we like to put the opposite gender in a box of expectations and bridle when they don't won't to stay there.

The most wonderful experiences in my life that came about through interactions with women happened when I was smart enough to appreciate them for who they were, not who I expected them to be. Now, after almost 7 decades I don't care if they're wearing stilletos or work boots. I'm just glad they're on my boat!

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Argh. How can one edit one's post from the app....?! I meant to say "drove a roadster..." I'm actually somewhat technical
No.

Damn.. and there was I thinking you meant 'Rice burners' like Suzuki... outboards of course..

[zengirl]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

I find it ironic that you and Zee are so judgemental, bitter and resolute about avoiding people you don't really know, yet describe "Them" as being so judgemental as one of the reasons?

Seems like a negative way to go thru life.

If you knew me, you would say, I don't have a negative bone in my body! I'm 74yrs. If I meet someone I can spot an ******* in five minutes of talking to them. Whenever I move somewhere or get a new job. I just watch people for three months. At the end of that three months, I know who I would like to know better (man or woman) and who I couldn't care less about. And yes, I am being judgmental, but it is not an instant judgement. There is much of society, not just men, that rubs me the wrong way so I stay away from it as much as possible. I also feel that after 74yrs on the planet I have every right to be judgmental (or making choices) if that's what it takes to create the life I want and have the people I want in my life. I was not judgmental when I was young because I was still learning. Judgmental is a good thing. Without it we all would be walking around in a daze not knowing or contributing to own being! hahaha

[cyan]

Originally Posted by cyan

1. Do single women get treated oddly by others when they are single liveaboards? I think my friend Kathy is treated better by men than women at the dock, but I'm not sure why.

2. Are single females living aboard escaping society more than the single males living aboard? Is that rude? Is it just more accepted to see a guy in that position?

Originally Posted by gamayun

No.
No.
Huh? Is my desire to live my life as I desire "rude"? To whom? Why would I even care?
No.

Oops. noooooo! My bad.
"Is that rude?"
should have been written:
"Is that previous question rude?"

The previous question was: "Are single females living aboard escaping society more than the single males living aboard?"

After typing the question, I then wondered if it was even a bit rude to ASK such a thing. I could imagine a single liveaboard lady saying WTF, why would you suggest that single women living on a boat are more likely to be escaping society than single men?

The thought was aimed at the way society seems to accept the idea of a guy on his own on a boat, but not necessarily a woman alone on her own boat. Dunno.

Oh, and gamayun, thanks for the beautiful picture!!

[angelfish2]

Originally Posted by zengirl

If you knew me, you would say, I don't have a negative bone in my body! I'm 74yrs. If I meet someone I can spot an ******* in five minutes of talking to them. Whenever I move somewhere or get a new job. I just watch people for three months. At the end of that three months, I know who I would like to know better (man or woman) and who I couldn't care less about. And yes, I am being judgmental, but it is not an instant judgement. There is much of society, not just men, that rubs me the wrong way so I stay away from it as much as possible. I also feel that after 74yrs on the planet I have every right to be judgmental (or making choices) if that's what it takes to create the life I want and have the people I want in my life. I was not judgmental when I was young because I was still learning. Judgmental is a good thing. Without it we all would be walking around in a daze not knowing or contributing to own being! hahaha

zengirl, perhaps a better word than judgmental would be discernment. Judgmental seems to be a word that is tossed around in our modern world when a person simply disagrees with another person. Does that sound apprapo?

I do not live aboard full-time however, I can (and sometimes do) sail solo. I also am a gal. The gals I have met who are unicorns have been so interesting and amazing. They are an inspiration, for sure! I do like having guy friends. But then again, I grew up in a patriarchal family so being with guys is pretty easy for me. I have never had one be disrespectful or vulgar. But I try to have good manners myself and be somewhat lady-like. I usually nip bad behavior in the bud, so to speak. Folks are folks no matter what their gender. Believe me the world of aviation is just as bad as the world of sailing. These have been the territory of men forever. Female pilots have to be good...very good.