Single Women Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look

[nickfox45]

If a single woman living aboard is being treated differently than a man, that's an issue with the other people she's coming in contact with at the marina or elsewhere, not her.

And no, I don't think single women are "escaping society" by living aboard any more/less than men are. It certainly seems less common for women to do than men, but I don't think that makes it weird. A giant majority of the general population probably thinks living by yourself on a boat is weird, regardless of your gender.

[cyan]

Originally Posted by zeehag

asocial folks not necessarily mentally ill... people suck. some of us with higher than 90 iq intelligence keep away from the others by choice due to lack of desire to tolerate bs.
i, for example, remain away from most others as most others are not up to conversation or practicality. there is judgementalism, there is projection of their illnesses onto others, such as calling folks squatters or mentally ill, and there are other issues.

That's an interesting perspective. Social people who see someone alone probably assume that something is wrong because they cannot imagine themselves in such a situation. A woman alone on her boat would no doubt trouble such social people. I think there is a common bias where it is more acceptable for a guy to be in that situation?

A woman alone on a boat is a corner case. A woman sailor is a corner case. I think some people cannot comprehend such a unicorn.
I typically feel just curiosity and respect. (and a little jealousy that has no gender element- why am I still mostly on land??)

[CatNewBee]

Yea, it's the unicorn thing I guess...

Many women are heard people, they even cannot go the toilet alone without a friend to chat and always need company of other women to talk about other woman and sometimes about men...

Also they are hunted by men if seen alone somewhere, so it is unlikely to not get a company except they insist to be alone - in contrast to single men. They are considered loners, that is not so unusual, and if they do not want it, they go hunting.

So yes, if a single woman, especially a grey hared one, lives a long time alone on board, it is in most cases by purpose and also very rare. I don't think she is treated oddly, I guess people let her alone because they think she wants to be let alone and does not want a company.

Just be nice and see what happens...

[Melissa36]

Originally Posted by boatman61

And for feet.. if women were honest they'd admit these 3-4 inch heels are the Western version of foot binding.

Not with YogaToes

[zengirl]

Originally Posted by zeehag

asocial folks not necessarily mentally ill... people suck. some of us with higher than 90 iq intelligence keep away from the others by choice due to lack of desire to tolerate bs.
i, for example, remain away from most others as most others are not up to conversation or practicality. there is judgementalism, there is projection of their illnesses onto others, such as calling folks squatters or mentally ill, and there are other issues. i was paid well for many years to treat and mebbe cure others. i am dead tired of the bs proffered by judgementalists disagreeing with something they donot even know or understand.
and then there are the alleged repair artistes...they squawk about how good their work is despite many returns for burning or sinking.... ok..if this is a standard, then standards are in direst need of revision.
i choose to remain away from most others. my choice.
am done with cretins and balderdash. cannot tolerate hypocrites liars cheats and scam artists. met many in my different modes of gypsying in my life. i donot need the crap spewed by others to junk up my lifestyle.
most of the females i have met soloing on ocean have been of similar mindset.
and you guys wonder why you cannot "get" a female sailor?? hahahahahahaha
we understand your con and ignore it.

want a female sailor??
ditch your testy-osterone addled attitude and learn to tolerate others better than i tolerate your scams cons and passive aggressive balderdash. women get tired of the constant push for touchy feely invasions of borders and boundaries
sadly , this is the result of observation and experience.

want stilletto heels?? get your lapdance at the local girlee bar.

I'm a single female live aboard in a marina. The marina holds about 200. I hang out with just one guy. Not a lover or boyfriend. I am of the same mind set as Zeehag. Walking the dock I'll say "good morning" or whatever, but that's it unless I find you an exceptional human being free of all what's listed in Zeehag's post.

[mcksail]

Originally Posted by cyan

1. Do single women get treated oddly by others when they are single liveaboards? I think my friend Kathy is treated better by men than women at the dock, but I'm not sure why.

2. Are single females living aboard escaping society more than the single males living aboard? Is that rude? Is it just more accepted to see a guy in that position?

1. Do single men get treated oddly by others when they are single liveaboards (of a similar ilk as Kathy)? It seems more a question of the archetype than gender. Though it must seem odder for a woman as culturally, we are still not quite used to seeing women in varying positions of independence. Be they on the corporate ladder and perhaps even more so, in the free city Anchorage. We fear what we do not understand.

2. I have met one competent, fascinating, and socially well-adjusted woman who is a blue water single hander. I have never met a single woman living aboard who was not most of these things. Surely most women have to prove themselves far beyond what most men in the same position do, only because the social assumption is that they are not capable. I think it is acceptable to see any competent individual living aboard alone. It is worrying to see any individual living aboard alone who may not have all the tools or abilities to care for themselves and their boats.

We shouldn't assume that it is only a man's province to escape social norms and also have a love of boats.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by zengirl

I'm a single female live aboard in a marina. The marina holds about 200. I hang out with just one guy. Not a lover or boyfriend. I am of the same mind set as Zeehag. Walking the dock I'll say "good morning" or whatever, but that's it unless I find you an exceptional human being free of all what's listed in Zeehag's post.

I find it ironic that you and Zee are so judgemental, bitter and resolute about avoiding people you don't really know, yet describe "Them" as being so judgemental as one of the reasons?

Seems like a negative way to go thru life.

[JPA Cate]

Pelagic, et al,

I know what they have written here seems judgmental. I suspect it is merely a viewpoint to which they came, based on their experiences of men. I bet they have "secret" men friends, even, people who managed to move out of the suspicion-of-hurt mode into potentially-trustable.

As the single woman skipper of your own boat, you'll meet a lot of "frogs", if you're open to relationships with men. You have to learn to filter out unacceptable ones really quickly, and for some, it is way easier to have a clear boundary out for all to see. In addition, that barrier may make you more acceptable to the married women around you, who may see you as a potential threat to their marital relationship.

Most women are a little one down physically, less upper body strength than men, and I think they are physically far more aware of how much damage men can do them than the men have evil intentions. I was certainly raised that way, and I can't be the only one!

Almost all women I know have had the experience of allowing themselves to be taken advantage of, in one way and another, and felt really burned by the experience, even when physical abuse of any kind was missing.

So now, let the woman grow up, have employment outside the home (if she stays at home or if she has started a family outside her family of origin)--experience in the world.

After some years, she shall have gone through menopause, and some of us have profound sequelae during that time. If she gives up on the concept of looking for a man at that time, she will have personal reasons for doing so that are above and beyond society's harassments, and she will consider them something to keep to herself.

So, I've hit 3 issues here, fear of physical abuse, if you're young and attractive, or old and seen as a victim; fear of emotional abuse, usually a betrayal of trust; and physiological changes leading to altered awareness. There are undoubtedly more issues, and here I'm writing about heterosexual western women, only.

Ann

[Kerry1]

Pelagic: "I find it ironic that you and Zee are so judgemental, bitter and resolute about avoiding people you don't really know, yet describe "Them" as being so judgemental as one of the reasons?"

To say "you are judgemental" is itself a judgement. Even to say you aren't judemental is a judgement. We all go through life making appraisals of one another- it is simply unavoidable, and we would be fools not to try and get a gauge on who we are going to associate with or not.

But of course when we call someone "judgemental" what we are really talking about is one who has been soured by past relationships through breaches of trust and has developed a wary and sceptical attitude towards others. Judgementalist's are those who reach a prejudicial appraisal of anothers character, making a distinction- before being fully appraised of all the facts.
In this case of gender, women become mistrustful of men and conversely men become distrusful of women. But, who is to say that is not entirely warranted, if past experience has proven the fears are justified? No one has really walked in anothers shoes, and I think we ought to be a bit more understanding when we encounter those we think of as "judgmental".

In terms of gender, when a man is quick to accuse a woman of being "judgemental"- I immediately wonder what happened in that mans life to make such a hasty diagnosis of judgementalism. Men get hurt by women also, and this too results in judgemental attitudes. Sometimes these accusations of judgmentalism, are both a deflection, and a reflection of ones own pain. Time for introspection?

[Miz Pea]

I am wondering if the men's sexist comments here about stilletto heels, many women with herd mentality, legs up to her bum, etc., on a public forum no less, are intended to annoy or bully the women sailors who are commenting on this thread.

Or if these males are simply thoughtless neanderthals who will never comprehend that au courant society has left them behind.

Pea

[kismet]

Originally Posted by boatman61

And for feet.. if women were honest they'd admit these 3-4 inch heels are the Western version of foot binding.

Phil, looks,to me, you had better stop wearing those stilettos. They are ruining your feet.

[zeehag]

i think these are pretty good reasons to cruise....
among other reasons..
it is a wonderful lifestyle if you can hack it.

[frozenhawaiian]

the lady I bought my current boat from bought the boat after a nasty divorce and proceeded to sail it single handed between new england and the Caribbean several times in the years she owned the boat. she also had to ride out Hurricane mitch at sea in the boat. amazing sailor and I have a tremendous amount of respect for her. I've met a few other female female solo cruisers and most haven't been running from anything they've just been really adventurous free spirits.

[zeehag]

i think men run from situations, and women go exploring.

[evm1024]

Boat boat sailing sailing cruising (Oh darn just saying those words does not make it about boating - please pardon my humor)

I think that this thread can be salvaged if we keep an open mind and stay on topic hard as that is.

Also, if we disregard the current gender themes and focus on the question.

I'm male - I've known a few women that lived on their boats and for the most parts they were just like any other woman that I knew.

In 2 cases they aquired their boats by divorce and in one by design. It appeared to me that their decision to live aboard was mostly economical. It was just plain cheaper to live on their boats than to get an apartment or house. That plus they really did like being on the water.

The gal I knew best lived on her Cascade 36 in the same marina as I did (living on my Cal 2-29). We would shoot the breeze on weekends when not sailing and sometimes chat after work. She was a Physical Therapist by profession and just did not have time for other things.

For my own part I was out automating sawmills and chemical plants and was out of town for months at a time. Lynn would keep an eye on my boat for me. Being gone so much and being very active in sailing, cruising and climbing I had very little time myself.

Lynn did pretty much all the work on her boat as needed but was not shy about asking advice when needed. A key point here is that I see women as competent and expect them to be fully engaged in whatever activity they are doing. There are no passengers on my boat and no tourists on my climbs/expeditions.

What that means is that when Lynn asked for my advise she knew that I would not take over, that I would not hold it over her and that I would try to give her the information and experience so that she could do it herself.

And because of this she opened up in friendship (dropped her guard?).

I imagine that many women who are the masters of their boats run into attitudes that would make me defensive from both men and women. That "history" would make anyone reluctant to open up to someone the do not know.