Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[cyan]

Some people here could lighten up just a tad.
Outrage feels so good these days, it seems.
Virtue-signal much?
There are a total of 59 threads in this forum that refer to "Darwin Awards". You know- the dark humor where a person removes his own (stupid) genes from the gene pool by doing something stupid that results in his death?
Funny stuff. Maybe even a smidgen of truth on occasion. Who knows?

Two guys in this thread removed themselves from the gene pool, without the death part. Mention that, and we get "racism", "tribalism", "nazis", and all sorts of other pearl-clutching. Was that humor not dark enough?

Lighten up, people.

[Ex-Calif]

I am 57 and still believe in marriage - I must be really good at it because I am on my 3rd!

I met my first wife at work and that lasted a little over a year - starter wife.

I met my second wife in a bar. She cheated on me 4 years in and ultimately cheated with at least 5 different guys over 23 years. We had a kid and I committed to stay for the sake of my son. Bad idea but can't change history. In the end she got more than half my stuff, half my retirement and a pile of alimony every month that I will pay until I retire.

So why did I get married 5 years ago? Because this time is gonna be different - LOL...

Seriously thought I met my current wife at a sailing club 10 years ago. She is as close to a soul mate as I will find and is an awesome sailor. But it is compromise. She will definitely live on a boat but wants a home base so we have a condo on a beach that she calls "home" and ultimately when I pull the pin we will cruise for extended periods.

The days where men marry a woman and expect her to drop all her dreams to stay at home, take care of your sorry butt and raise kids like a maid are gone. Many men need to grow up into the 21st century reality and treat marriage like a true and equal partnership.

And women who expect a knight in shining armor provide some fantasy of a life, while expecting to have things wholly their own way are also stuck in some 1960's fantasy.

So for single guys trying to meet a spouse, make sure you are shopping where there is compatibility.

[gamayun]

Good attitude, Ex-Calif. Congrats! Third time's the charm

[john61ct]

Can you afford to get married? In the US, it's increasingly the privilege of the rich

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...privilege-rich

[Van Der Beek]

Originally Posted by Ex-Calif

The days where men marry a woman and expect her to drop all her dreams to stay at home, take care of your sorry butt and raise kids like a maid are gone. Many men need to grow up into the 21st century reality and treat marriage like a true and equal partnership.

A relationship isn't about equality but one of balance, that said, if a woman isn't ready to raise that which she has brought into this world (her #liveswork as it were) then she isn’t suited for motherhood, because she is then a narcissist who only thinks about her self and her own needs, and not those of her child, and if that's the case she shouldn't bring life into this existence in the first place. Full stop.

This has always held true, it doesn't matter what year it is, bringing a child into this world comes with responsibility.

As for marriage? The way it is stacked AGAINST us men today makes for it a very bad idea indeed, you should have learnt that by now.

Case in point
"She took more than half your stuff, half your retirement, and a pile of alimony every month"

In addition.
Given her cheating history with 5 different men you should, if you have not been smart enough to do this already, make sure it’s actually your son to begin with! So that you are not paying the upkeep for another mans offspring.

Now.
I’m not married, but I’ve always kept female company, and I always will. However, I have no illusions when it comes to women, nor do I worship them, put them on a pedestal, let alone have purity fantasies about them.

Doesn't mean I don't love them, what man doesn't love women? But you gotta walk into a relationship with open eyes and armed with a bit of knowledge.



With that said....(not addressing the poster but to fellow men in general)


If you're thinking about starting a family, then you shouldn't leave the playing field and cash in all your chips too early, instead wait, I'd say wait until you've hit 30-40. If you are 20 you don't know anything yet, you don't even know yourself, need to go throw that rite of passage of becoming a man first. Getting involved with a female on a serious level at a young age is a bad idea, why? Because she's gonna run circles around you, because she knows so much more than you do, compared to her your'e a toddler.

But I digress.

[fuentes]

Poor fool, did not know it could not be done, and he did it.

I had been looking for my sweet young thing, between 60 and 77, for quite a while. Every one said that finding one that would sail with me was almost impossible. The same was said about finding one that would live on the ranch with me. Finding one that would do both, no way.
Some one up there must have looked down and figured this old fool needed help. He sent one to me. I can not think of any other explanation.
Some time back I wrote. La esperanza muere al ultimo. He must have heard me.

[-bliss-]

Hey Fuentes.
I´m happy for you! I like to think we get rewarded for being honest to ourselves, following the passions and dreams in our lives, even though it might be a bumpy ride, initially.
Your story reminds me of a beautiful passage from The Holstee Manifesto:
“If you are looking for the love of your life, stop. They will be waiting for you when you start doing things that you love.”

Thanks, by the way!
-kjetil-

[owly]

It is perhaps worth noting that tomorrow, Nov 11 2018 is official "singles day", mostly celebrated in China. It's not anti marriage, but a celebration of singleness.





H.W.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

Among mammals species, only 3 to 4% mate for life. Among primates, only the Gibbons do.

I'm wondering if the ability among certain humans to mate for life (which can mean serial marriage, following death of a partner) is to some extent genetically determined. Some people experience sex as bonding, as well as sexual pleasure, but no reason to assume that is the same for everyone. ....It's a puzzle for sure.

Ann

Hi Ann, I really think your on to something. Maybe we are fighting nature, a fight that is hard to win.

I've often thought, just as nature drives us together (chemistry) to breed, maybe it drives us apart to mix up the gene pool?

From what I've read the 3-4% of mammals that mate for life aren't actually faithful! they play around like us humans.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Yes, but the difference is that men were always more free to make this choice than a woman was. When I was young, my mother couldn't get a bank loan without my father's signature. This was the early 70s. Is the world better? In most ways of measuring it, it absolutely is!

Hey, just for clarity regarding "is the world a better place" I meant regarding men and women not needing each other",I didn't express myself well. Communities, families, society in general benefit from needing each other, it sad that couples may not need each other anymore.

And the bank loan thing, hmmm how many decades ago? can we move on. Woman have a number of advantages in this modern world that men don't, it's not equal, both sides have benefits, things that work for them and things that don't.

For all the injustices women apparently cop they are matched equally on the other side, it's easy to see if you choose to look, unfortunately most choose to see what reinforces the narrative thats running in their head, the narrative that helps define who they are, for what ever reason.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by owly

That's more than a bit insulting....... It's realistic in terms of our idiotic socioeconomic structure that depends on constant growth, but that's a system doomed to collapse and to destroy the very planet we depend on to support human life. Population growth must be reversed or nature will take it's course, and it won't be pretty.



To imply that choosing not to reproduce is somehow shirking a responsibility is insulting and unrealistic. Any idiot can make a baby, and unfortunately they do... all too often. Hillary was castigated for quoting an African proverb: "It takes a village to raise a child". A wise and profound proverb. Those of us who make the choice not to reproduce can still be part of that "village".


H.W.

Some have funny views on how it should work.

I to decided not to have kids, so far I don't regret it.

I had a guy say to me once "you shouldn't be allowed to vote as you haven't contributed" lol, bazaar!

And of course the your "selfish" thing comes up now and then because I choose a life of cruising etc instead of kids. When I point out "actually it's you that are selfish as you choose to have a child FOR YOU not for the child or anyone else" it dosent always go down well.

People need to justify their choices.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by daletournier

...And of course the your "selfish" thing comes up now and then because I choose a life of cruising etc instead of kids. When I point out "actually it's you that are selfish as you choose to have a child FOR YOU not for the child or anyone else" it dosent always go down well.

People need to justify their choices.

Hi Dale,
People always confuse "Unfair" with "Selfish" and that gives the word such a bad rap.

Everything I do , I do for selfish reasons.

If I help someone big time, it is for the selfish reason that it makes me feel good!

That simplifies any reciprocal expectations from the beneficiary...as I don't have them!

Wear your selfishness with Pride! [emoji57]

[CatNewBee]

Originally Posted by john61ct

Can you afford to get married? In the US, it's increasingly the privilege of the rich

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...privilege-rich

Yeah, some collect marriages like post stamps in Hollywood...[emoji23]

I guess they have some albums with collected bride pictures to show their friends on parties, maybe they even trade them between each other to get the series full.

[Ex-Calif]

A whole lot to unpack here...

So I won't - LOL...

Originally Posted by Van Der Beek

A relationship isn't about equality but one of balance, that said, if a woman isn't ready to raise that which she has brought into this world (her #liveswork as it were) then she isn’t suited for motherhood, because she is then a narcissist who only thinks about her self and her own needs, and not those of her child, and if that's the case she shouldn't bring life into this existence in the first place. Full stop.

This has always held true, it doesn't matter what year it is, bringing a child into this world comes with responsibility.

As for marriage? The way it is stacked AGAINST us men today makes for it a very bad idea indeed, you should have learnt that by now.

Case in point
"She took more than half your stuff, half your retirement, and a pile of alimony every month"

In addition.
Given her cheating history with 5 different men you should, if you have not been smart enough to do this already, make sure it’s actually your son to begin with! So that you are not paying the upkeep for another mans offspring.

Now.
I’m not married, but I’ve always kept female company, and I always will. However, I have no illusions when it comes to women, nor do I worship them, put them on a pedestal, let alone have purity fantasies about them.

Doesn't mean I don't love them, what man doesn't love women? But you gotta walk into a relationship with open eyes and armed with a bit of knowledge.



With that said....(not addressing the poster but to fellow men in general)


If you're thinking about starting a family, then you shouldn't leave the playing field and cash in all your chips too early, instead wait, I'd say wait until you've hit 30-40. If you are 20 you don't know anything yet, you don't even know yourself, need to go throw that rite of passage of becoming a man first. Getting involved with a female on a serious level at a young age is a bad idea, why? Because she's gonna run circles around you, because she knows so much more than you do, compared to her your'e a toddler.

But I digress.

[owly]

A bit of humor here... from John Prine:


Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
Well I never thought
That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught
We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze
With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees
Signed Just Married

Seriously, how do you handle the situation where there is a strong mutual attraction with real potential, and the lady has made her intentions very clear, but you damn well know it will involve the inevitable choice.... live aboard voyaging, versus an ordinary land existence? Do you give up one dream to pursue another? How do you prioritize? Relationships involve compromise..... and should.



This is not really a hypothetical situation, and I'm sure it's one many other couples and potential couples have faced. It's a question of weather happiness can be had when you give up a dream, or drag someone into it that doesn't share that dream. It would take an extremely strong relationship to weather either option.


My inclination is to pursue the dream.... not the woman... Actually I'm the prey in this case, as I refuse to make moves toward a potential partner I don't see as fitting into the life I am planning to pursue. Typically a woman is far more passionate about pursuing a relationship at least initially, and will bend and conform at the outset in my experience, but once you are "hooked" they will begin the process of bending you to their will.


In this era of accelerated courtship.... if you can call it that, the time lapse from first date to the bedroom is often very very short. I see the day fast approaching when the choice will be follow her to the bedroom, or face the difficult situation of explaining why not. One can only pretend to be obtuse so long before you are no longer fooling anybody.


I can just imagine the conversation.... "I need a cruising partner"..... "What's wrong with me".... Followed by trying to explain how I reached the conclusion that she would just not be happy living the way I want to live. The romance of voyaging around the world from what I have seen is quickly dispelled by the reality. Do you simply move ahead, and take her with you until she realizes that it isn't for her, followed by the usual messy breakup, or do you put the kibosh on it from the beginning? To me the signs are as plain as the nose on her face. Perhaps in the passionate heat of new love, it might be possible to cross the Pacific, not "coming up for air" for 3 or 4 weeks. Perhaps that is the best course........let her fly home from Lihue, or Papeete, or Auckland... or wherever we were when the bubble burst......... give her a chance.



Frankly I've seen and/or been a part of too many "train wrecks". The highs are amazing, but the lows at the other end are devastatingly brutal. Is it worth it?



H.W.