Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by zeehag

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
That statistic infers that the single ladies here should have their pick of men to choose from. If that's the case, why is it that we are all still single? Is it us or is it the choice of single men here
It may be that, as I'm told the women say in similar circumstances elsewhere:

"The odds are good, but the goods are odd."

pretty much sums it up.
we all have our pick of obnoxious narcissists or complete idiots. rarely between is there an unspokenfor soul.
and half of those are not worthy of consideration.
some of those who actually think have found that individuality is a special kind of privilege and worthy of keeping.
lonely is a state of mind and alone is a state of being.
only from within yourself are you capable of making your loneliness dissipate.
i prefer not to hang around lonely souls, as they are negative in their thinking.
life is too short for that.

Excellent observations & advice, and I'd go further & suggest that looking to find a partner in order to quell feelings of loneliness could lead to an unhappy result. In fact, and perhaps ironically, the only time I've ever had such feelings was when I was deep into my last relationship and rarely when I was single. But she was a narcissist, and fortunately the only one I've fallen for and hopefully ever will.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by weavis

I have to smile. The above are your assumptions.

* * *

addition: I have the boat. I have my life sorted, and mostly.... mostly, Im not looking.[/I]

I find it odd that one of the most prevalent assumptions I encounter is that the only way to be happy is to be hooked up with a partner, and more often than not that means marriage. I have no doubt it's well-intended, but the idea of someone "not looking" seems incredulous to many.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by zeehag

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
That statistic infers that the single ladies here should have their pick of men to choose from. If that's the case, why is it that we are all still single? Is it us or is it the choice of single men here
It may be that, as I'm told the women say in similar circumstances elsewhere:

"The odds are good, but the goods are odd."

pretty much sums it up.
we all have our pick of obnoxious narcissists or complete idiots. rarely between is there an unspokenfor soul.
and half of those are not worthy of consideration.
some of those who actually think have found that individuality is a special kind of privilege and worthy of keeping.
lonely is a state of mind and alone is a state of being.
only from within yourself are you capable of making your loneliness dissipate.
i prefer not to hang around lonely souls, as they are negative in their thinking.
life is too short for that.

Don't you think that's a bit harsh Zee?

You lump the majority of "unspoken men" into either obnoxious narcissists or complete idiots ....pretty negative mindset.

I agree that loneliness is a state of mind, but I do not agree that it is a negative thing.... It just tells me ....that person has feelings!

What I have seen over and over again is that you can have the world at your fingertips, surrounded by high energy interesting people, doing what you love....BUT
...without that certain special soul to spoon with and share both your private thoughts and fears with.....You can still be Lonely.

Some think it's a bad thing if you dwell on it....so they put up walls and barriers.

I think it is healthier to admit it and keep yourself open, but without being desperate.

Takes a lot of guts to 'try again' but much easier if you leave the baggage behind.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by Chichi

hmmm... don't expect much? oh my... careful or else someone is going to bring up the fact that so many have a long list when it comes to "the perfect mate" (of course, i just did, sorry about that)

Hmmmm . . . you honestly seem like such a nice person Chichi . . . and I honestly don't mean to offend . . . but the thread title does call for an honest look . . . sooooo . . . I'm not so sure that a long list of what we want in a partner is such a hot idea. To the extent any sort of list is helpful, maybe it should be one that lists what we have to give?

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by zeehag
Quote:
Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
That statistic infers that the single ladies here should have their pick of men to choose from. If that's the case, why is it that we are all still single? Is it us or is it the choice of single men here
It may be that, as I'm told the women say in similar circumstances elsewhere:

"The odds are good, but the goods are odd."

pretty much sums it up.
we all have our pick of obnoxious narcissists or complete idiots. rarely between is there an unspokenfor soul.
and half of those are not worthy of consideration.
some of those who actually think have found that individuality is a special kind of privilege and worthy of keeping.
lonely is a state of mind and alone is a state of being.
only from within yourself are you capable of making your loneliness dissipate.
i prefer not to hang around lonely souls, as they are negative in their thinking.
life is too short for that.
End Quote..

I'll concur with much of the above..
All to often I've run into guys who's attitude comes across as " Hey Babe..!!! I gotta Yacht.. git yer knickers off.!!!"
The approach and attitude is crass and crude.. yet they seem surprised when they get knocked back.. then there's the 'Ross' approach from Friends... read me and weep..
If I didn't laugh I'd cry..

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by bill352

"The odds are good, but the goods are odd."

Very cute! I must remember this one.

As to the deep-down, deep-seated need for every human being to spoon with another or that the only enjoyment in life is when it's seen with another, I think I need to call BS on that. As humans, we do need those things that all animals have a need for, which we define as: love, comfort, protection. But these attributes can be fulfilled in many ways that don't have anything to do with coupling. Just as some people can lead fulfilled lives with many close companions and activities, yet without a mate; some need that "one" because that's our cultural upbringing. That's what seems "normal." And so we tell others, "Go Find The One" or else you won't be happy. Blah. Don't get me wrong. I think it's a beautiful thing when it happens and I love that others seem to have found the true romance and kept it intact, but we do a great disservice to many (most?) others who don't find (or want to even look for) The One for whatever reason. We need to start accepting that happiness, loneliness, satisfaction, anger, hope, hate, love, enjoyment, pleasure, beauty, are all subjective states of mind that -- though they can be highly influenced by others in our sphere -- are not dependent on another person. I am single and living aboard; I sail frequently and have a calendar full of activities; I have amazing friends and colleagues; I am constantly challenged by new projects and some high risk endeavors that keep life exciting; when I want to share an experience, there is always Facebook! Trust me when I say, I am most often by myself and I am never lonely. Besides, I got all you odd and funny guys and gals to keep me happy

[zeehag]

before you go out trying to find the one, make sure you know who you really are. get in tune with your own self because you cannot have feelings for others if you donot have comfort within yourself.

and donot push your bludi lonely self onto someone else., we may not appreciate your efforts, as boaty said.
boaty is smart. be more like boaty . when you arenot being like bubba.

and donot interrupt my gunsmoke. i am only on year 12 episode 5.

btw--pelagic, i said unspoken FOR men, not unspoken men. difference.
as for harsh, honesty is generally harsher than lies. which would you prefer, honesty or a liar. personally i prefer those who are honest. smooth talkers are more sociopathic as they lie and omit that which they should be relating to others. see politician and lawyer.

spooning is overrated, btw, especially when and if you are with WRONG person.
i would rather be sola than with wrong clown again. btdt, prefer my solitude.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by gamayun

As to the deep-down, deep-seated need for every human being to spoon with another or that the ONLY enjoyment in life is when it's seen with another, I think I need to call BS on that.

I don't think anyone suggested it is the ONLY way to enjoy life.

But as you say, it is normal human nature to desire interaction with others.

I would premise that the deeper and more personal that relationship is, the more satisfying it becomes.

As someone who is Philosophically against the Marriage Institution and the pressures to procreate, I was very prepared to go it alone.

But finding that spoonful of wonder in my partner of 13 years has surpassed all other relationships experiences for both of us.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Besides, I got all you odd and funny but sometimes annoying guys and gals to keep me happy

Did that fix it for ya??

[Exile]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

I don't think anyone suggested it is the ONLY way to enjoy life.

You might be surprised Pelagic. Marriage, kids, career, money . . . often assumed to be the answer, or at a minimum not questioned. I'm always a little amazed when otherwise well-intended friends try and "fix me up." I know it's sincere, but why do they automatically assume I want to be "fixed up."

I suppose when you get it right like you have, it's better than most everything. But get it wrong and there's nothing worse. Or as Socrates supposedly put it, "by all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by zeehag

.....donot push your bludi lonely self onto someone else., we may not appreciate your efforts, as boaty said.
boaty is smart. be more like boaty . when you arenot being like bubba.

and donot interrupt my gunsmoke. i am only on year 12 episode 5.

btw--pelagic, i said unspoken FOR men, not unspoken men. difference.
as for harsh, honesty is generally harsher than lies. which would you prefer, honesty or a liar. personally i prefer those who are honest. smooth talkers are more sociopathic as they lie and omit that which they should be relating to others. see politician and lawyer.

spooning is overrated, btw, especially when and if you are with WRONG person.
i would rather be sola than with wrong clown again. btdt, prefer my solitude.

Lol Zee , may you and bubba continue to hack up those furballs of harmony amongst the sounds of Gunsmoke.

Happy New Year ! [emoji173]

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by Exile

I suppose when you get it right like you have, it's better than most everything. But get it wrong and there's nothing worse. Or as Socrates supposedly put it, "by all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." [emoji2]

I agree which is why I do not believe Church or Governments should be involved in governing and arbitrating failed personal relationships.

Mutual content is like a moving target....you need to keep focus

I wonder if many women...(not the smart, independent ladies who post here)... don't do proper Due Diligence when choosing a husband, or remain focussed because the Government has structured a financial Safety Net if a divorce is pending.

Men, we all know are just plain stupid like a floppy puppy when it comes to relationships [emoji1]

[cyan]

The single men that live aboard and and cruise seem to be receiving some very colorful advice here from a few single women who live aboard, regarding a partner search.
This is meant to be an honest question, and not at all mean-spirited:
Could it be that a single woman who lives aboard by herself might have some salty, tainted advice for the single guy that would be tons of fun to hear over a few drinks, but that such advice might not actually help him in his partner search? Female advice can be like insider info, but such a single guy might get more appropriate advice from women who already live aboard and cruise with a guy, no?

[danielamartindm]

Originally Posted by Robinschimming

I am a 42 year old single woman thinking about buying a boat to live on and renting out my house. Soo much to learn it's rather scary... can I really do it physically..financially??? Will I be in complete solitude or meet some cool like minded people ...
I looked up single men living on boats and it brought me to this ... so would I be a unicorn or am I too old to be counted lol ��
Certainly not having to throw myself at a man bc he has a boat to hang out on nope not the "young nimble hottie" I'll have my own boat ...that is when I buy one lol
My opinion is if a guy prides himself on being able to attract very very hot way younger girls maybe he needs his ego stroked and scared he can't stack up to the wants and needs of a more seasoned woman ... the term douche bag comes to mind and it wouldn't matter if you have water or land under foot

II

IMHO, establish your life independently of any man. Make it what you want, and cherish it; THEN think about bringing someone aboard to share it with. Don't look to a man to make your world and emotional reality; you'll only end up resenting him.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by danielamartindm

II

IMHO, establish your life independently of any man. Make it what you want, and cherish it; THEN think about bringing someone aboard to share it with. Don't look to a man to make your world and emotional reality; you'll only end up resenting him.

Right! Because it'll be HIS world & not YOURS! And the guy will inevitably wind up getting blamed, and will be powerless to do anything about it. Very perceptive post, thanks.