Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by redhead

This

if a tourist from ________ (insert country; Japan, Austria, whatever) visits the US (or any other country on the planet), and visits only ________ (insert city; NYC, Boise, whatever) can they then return to their country and claim knowledge of that country/culture? The answer is obvious.

I was born in New York State. As far as I know, most people I've ever made that statement to think of Times Square, the World Trade Center and Rockefeller Center. They don't think of dairy cows, rivers or the Adirondack Mountains which is what I mean when I say the code word "New York State".

Whether we admit it or not, language is generally inadequate to describe what we mean in less than 1000 words, so we revert to code words like "New York State". The way you and I decode that word may be miles apart.

So when one person says "Phillipines" they mean small villages,a subsistance lifestyle and happy children and when another says the same word they mean sex tourism, poverty and inequality. The code words and the personal decoding of them are the problem.

Communication has always had this pretty serious flaw.

This is a good point. I'v encountered people who have negative impressions of large, e. coast (US) cities who will immediately respond negatively when "New York" is mentioned, even "New York State." They have no idea how rural, beautiful, and profoundly different many parts of the state are from NYC, to say nothing of all the positive attributes of the city itself. And of course if we haven't experienced places for ourselves then we're often relying on media reports which are predominantly negative.

Mexico comes to mind in this regard. When I traveled through some extremely rural areas of Mexico some years back, I was amazed how pleasantly different the people & culture were compared to the stereotypes. Thanks to Dale, Cyan, Pelagic, Weav & others, we now have more well-rounded insight into the people of the Philippines & other countries in the region. Thanks for the beautiful pics Dale!

[Exile]

Originally Posted by BandB

Who will hide it even more. I knot they're out there, but never have personally and knowingly encountered a male victim of physical abuse. It's very possible I don't recognize the signs as a I do with women and children. Our psychiatrist friend said she'd only had two adult male victims of physical abuse come to her and both hid it so well, she doesn't believe she would have suspected. For a friend to have caught it would have required them touching them, such as a pat on the back and then seen them react.

I'm sure their suffering is horrific and am aware of a couple who have spoken out.

Abuse obviously takes many forms, and sometimes emotional abuse and/or neglect can be just as pernicious. The psych's say it's difficult for humans not to repeat the same pattern because we are attracted to what is "familiar," all the more so if the abuse occurred during childhood before the brain is fully developed. Makes some sense I suppose . . . sorta . . . but the overwhelming stats on this don't lie. So whatever the cause & effect, the pattern definitely exists so kudos to those who manage to break free from it.

I'm not exactly sure how this plays out with men, but it's probably not that different. In my personal experience with women, both in relationships & not, I have found that those who have not broken the pattern (even when they believe they have) either repeat the typical pattern of getting hooked up with abusive men, or if they don't, oddly enough become abusers themselves, either emotionally abusive or otherwise. Only anecdotal, of course, but enough examples to at least get my attention. I guess for every abuser there has to be an abusee willing to put up with it, and it seems that many who have suffered abuse in their past cannot escape filling either one role or the other in relationships, depending on the makeup of their partners.

So I guess my point is that with your example of 20 men & 20 women in an office setting, I for one wouldn't necessarily assume that the men comprise the majority of the abusers, or that they only make up a small minority of those being abused.

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by Exile

Abuse obviously takes many forms, and sometimes emotional abuse and/or neglect can be just as pernicious. The psych's say it's difficult for humans not to repeat the same pattern because we are attracted to what is "familiar," all the more so if the abuse occurred during childhood before the brain is fully developed. Makes some sense I suppose . . . sorta . . . but the overwhelming stats on this don't lie. So whatever the cause & effect, the pattern definitely exists so kudos to those who manage to break free from it.

I'm not exactly sure how this plays out with men, but it's probably not that different. In my personal experience with women, both in relationships & not, I have found that those who have not broken the pattern (even when they believe they have) either repeat the typical pattern of getting hooked up with abusive men, or if they don't, oddly enough become abusers themselves, either emotionally abusive or otherwise. Only anecdotal, of course, but enough examples to at least get my attention. I guess for every abuser there has to be an abusee willing to put up with it, and it seems that many who have suffered abuse in their past cannot escape filling either one role or the other in relationships, depending on the makeup of their partners.

So I guess my point is that with your example of 20 men & 20 women in an office setting, I for one wouldn't necessarily assume that the men comprise the majority of the abusers, or that they only make up a small minority of those being abused.

Ahh..!! the ole.. "Hun.. your a really nice loveable guy but.. 20 reasons why your not a man.." ploy

[weavis]

I think more to the point... everyone should get an air fryer.. Men and women. Best of all worlds... Western design and made in China.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by weavis

I think more to the point... everyone should get an air fryer.. Men and women. Best of all worlds... Western design and made in China.

Gotta be easier than this heady relationship stuff!

[weavis]

I am always amazed how a thread can deviate from the original criteria so much.

If I wanted a partner and lived on a boat, or wanted to go sailing a lot, then its pretty logical to find a compatibility with someone, in my case a woman, that would enjoy my company and choice of lifestyle. There is no "one out of two is OK" compromise. It has to be both.

I look to the person , not the country of origin. Id look for the aforementioned compatibility, and personality, and looks Id be comfortable with and appreciate. Mostly Id look for someone who can deal with me and like it... That is her choice to make. Her part of the deal.

There are personal preferences of attraction. I prefer smaller women, quiet and not pushy in demeanour, although someone who can stand her ground. There are other qualities I like yet as I found out, not fixed in stone... Its down to the person.

That is the key. The person. Just go with the flow...

A friend of mine made a huge mistake in his choice of partner and ended up divorced at 27 after 3 years together. He was really sad for a while. We went out for a drink one night and I told him to view it in the time honoured American tradition. He asked what that was.. I told him: 'Everyone is entitled to a starter marriage'.

We laughed for ages....

It isnt the end of the world and a good lesson to learn from. It does hurt a bit though.

[weavis]

Just do your best guys. Concentrate on the person. Examine from every angle and decide if you can work with them under good and bad circumstances. If your not sure.... date longer..... if you still cannot decide, DONT DO IT!!

Things can get a little sour in life. Can you face it together or are there conditions?

Good luck.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by weavis

'Everyone is entitled to a starter marriage'.

Reminds me of a close friend of mine who's a high energy woman from an urban e. coast background who married a salt-of-the-earth guy raised on a Nebraska farm. (confirms the cliche about opposites attracting). My friend is a loyal wife and great Mom to their two (wild) boys, but is always doing rather outlandish things, from playing rugby on the men's team, to kick boxing & Krav Maga. They recently went on a family mtn. biking trip to Moab and she was the only one who went over the handlebars & came home with a broken arm. So in all too many ways not exactly the traditional midwestern wife her husband was married to the first time. But from all reports his first wife was a nightmare, he could do nothing right, and there was constant yelling . . . . Needless to say, whenever he gets exasperated being married to my nutty friend, she just reminds him of what she calls his (first) "practice wife."

[BandB]

Originally Posted by redhead

You just proved my point.

That's what I was attempting to do.

[Saleen411]

Originally Posted by weavis

I think more to the point... everyone should get an air fryer.. Men and women. Best of all worlds... Western design and made in China.

I have a Phillips HD9220......Gordon Ramsey's favorite! Love my air fryer.

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by weavis

I think more to the point... everyone should get an air fryer.. Men and women. Best of all worlds... Western design and made in China.

I just got an Instant Pot as a gift from my son. I'm going to love and cherish it and try not to get too fat with all the great cooking that it'll do. Does that count

[Lepke]

'Black Widow' on trial for poisoning elderly suitors

https://www.yahoo.com/news/frances-black-widow-trial-poisoning-four-seniors-042036455.html

My sister got lucky,
She married a yuppy,
Took him for all he was worth.... Tom Petty (Yer so bad)

[cyan]

Originally Posted by gamayun

I just got an Instant Pot as a gift from my son. I'm going to love and cherish it and try not to get too fat with all the great cooking that it'll do. Does that count

Can you make rice in your instant pot? I'm looking at too much galley gear, and it would be cool if our rice cooker could do more than just rice.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by cyan

Can you make rice in your instant pot? I'm looking at too much galley gear, and it would be cool if our rice cooker could do more than just rice.

Basmati. 1 cup rice to 1 cup water.. plus a splash.

salt

5 minutes.

done.

Instant pot user from the get go.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by gamayun

I just got an Instant Pot as a gift from my son. I'm going to love and cherish it and try not to get too fat with all the great cooking that it'll do. Does that count

Full cauli... cleaned.
Steam 5 mins,
cheese on under the grill for 10.
Perfecto.