Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by daletournier

Security is a myth. Of course you do all you can to to obtain the future you want whether it be financial or passage making, but the reality is the future is unknown, thus security is definitely not guaranteed.
The greatest risk of all is taking no risk.

Couldn't agree more! (As a general principle to live by, nothing to do with any gender issue. )

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by goat

Great post ChiChi (#1024)
I didn't quote it because it was so long.

I've been living with the theory of the difference of the sexes in regards to the point system. Men don't understand everything is worth one point to a woman.
So the guy buys an expensive diamond ring and thinks "wow she's going to love this", tells his friends how many 'points' he going to get for doing this. For her that's great, but only worth one point. Massaging her feet later that night before bed, the guy doesn't even think about it, but it's worth exactly the same amount as the ring he's been saving up for for months, one point.

Sorry if this comes off as sexist but in reality, no matter how hard we try for equality, there will always be a difference in the way men and women are wired. Thank your god for that.

goat

Yes thank God for that, the differences may drive me crazy at times BUT I want us to be different!! The more we become the same the less interest I have in being a couple, this isn't about power, superiority or anything else. I don't need a woman but I certainly enjoy having women in my life.

With the right woman I have found her feminity brings out my masculinity and vise versa, read into that anything you want, but I enjoy it when a woman can enjoy her feminity and has the self esteem to be feminine. A woman to me is defined by more than her genitals!

Masculinity is often persecuted, usually by men and women that feel threatened by it. It's sad as far as I'm concerned that what I consider to be wonderful opposing energies are slowly getting more confused or less defined. I think this is a western world thing.

I think it takes courage in our modern world to be feminine. Feminine isn't weak or inferior, it's feminine, it's a beauty I hope we don't lose.

[boatpoker]

My life and my outlook on life appears to be much simpler than most posters here. Perhaps I am a simpleton but I live by a simple set of aphorisms ....

- Papa gets all the chocolate - wg
- I don't give a damn who bought it, the last beer is mine - wg
- Smile - it's a choice - wg
- Be the man Sharon thinks I am - wg
- I can do that - wg
- Be the master of your own disaster - wg
- If you're not laughing, you're not doing it right. - wg
- Better lucky than good. The harder I work the luckier I get. - wg
- if you can live with the consequences, go for it. - wg
- Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation - wg
- Doesn't matter what you do, good, bad or indifferent .. it's coming back - wg
- The difference between adversity and adventure is attitude - ma
- I yam what I yam an' thats all that I yam. - Popeye

[Exile]

Originally Posted by daletournier

Yes thank God for that, the differences may drive me crazy at times BUT I want us to be different!! The more we become the same the less interest I have in being a couple, this isn't about power, superiority or anything else. I don't need a woman but I certainly enjoy having women in my life.

With the right woman I have found her feminity brings out my masculinity and vise versa, read into that anything you want, but I enjoy it when a woman can enjoy her feminity and has the self esteem to be feminine. A woman to me is defined by more than her genitals!

Masculinity is often persecuted, usually by men and women that feel threatened by it. It's sad as far as I'm concerned that what I consider to be wonderful opposing energies are slowly getting more confused or less defined. I think this is a western world thing.

I think it takes courage in our modern world to be feminine. Feminine isn't weak or inferior, it's feminine, it's a beauty I hope we don't lose.

To add to this insightful post, being feminine is a natural, indispensable source of power. Perhaps in an effort to fill modern roles imposed by society, feminist often seems to come at the expense of feminine, resulting in women voluntarily ceding one of their easiest paths to achieving true equality. You couple this with a man's natural instinct to protect, provide, etc., and you'd think relationships would be easier. I'm not talking about going back in time, but progressing forward by recognizing natural differences which complement each other, thereby making a relationship more than just the sum of its two parts.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by Exile

To add to this insightful post, being feminine is a natural, indispensable source of power. Perhaps in an effort to fill modern roles imposed by society, feminist often seems to come at the expense of feminine, resulting in women voluntarily ceding one of their easiest paths to achieving true equality. You couple this with a man's natural instinct to protect, provide, etc., and you'd think relationships would be easier. I'm not talking about going back in time, but progressing forward by recognizing natural differences which complement each other, thereby making a relationship more than the sum of its two parts.

Awesome!

[redhead]

Originally Posted by boatpoker

My life and my outlook on life appears to be much simpler than most posters here. Perhaps I am a simpleton but I live by a simple set of aphorisms ....

- Papa gets all the chocolate - wg
- I don't give a damn who bought it, the last beer is mine - wg
- Smile - it's a choice - wg
- Be the man Sharon thinks I am - wg
- I can do that - wg
- Be the master of your own disaster - wg
- If you're not laughing, you're not doing it right. - wg
- Better lucky than good. The harder I work the luckier I get. - wg
- if you can live with the consequences, go for it. - wg
- Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation - wg
- Doesn't matter what you do, good, bad or indifferent .. it's coming back - wg
- The difference between adversity and adventure is attitude - ma
- I yam what I yam an' thats all that I yam. - Popeye

With the exception of line #1 (I have serious issues with this) and I would change line #4 to "be the person my dog thinks I am", I agree completely. I am copying and pasting this all over my boat, I am emailing, Facebooking, calling friends. I'm going to write this on the blackboard 100 times.

I love this. Yes.

[wolfgal]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

Chichi, et al,

We knew two singlehanders, a man and a woman. Each owned a vessel of their choice, fitted out as each liked. They discovered they enjoyed each other's company, and the observers in the fleet observed with interest.

One season, then the next, and then the third, each sailed the vessel to the same destination, and when they arrived, they went to potlucks and did activities as a couple.

The fourth season, each sold their own boat, and they bought a boat together, all according to their own negotiation and conversation, and problem solving skills. As far as I know, they are sailing, still. This occurred in the 1990's.

I wrote earlier in this thread that if you want a committed partner, pursue your own interests, and just be open to the possibility. You will either meet them or you won't, it is up to the Fates. But the bottom line is that you will be pleasing yourself along the way, being true to your inner self is the healthiest thing you can do.

Ann

Thanks Ann. yes this does seem to work this way fairly often. i'll see when i get there but think that keeping in mind that i might outlive my mate, it might be better to stick to the idea of getting a boat that can be single-handed




Everyone, i'd like to share a 15 minute video with you. the wisdom in this video is helping me get out from between a rock and a hard place in life and, in the end, does address relationship issues like those we've evoked here as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KysuBl2m_w

i'd love to hear your thoughts on it

[Wayfarer1008]

I think what everyone is saying here is something I've found out in that you can go out and have fabulous adventure's by yourself but if do not have some one to share the experience what's the point.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by Wayfarer1008

I think what everyone is saying here is something I've found out in that you can go out and have fabulous adventure's by yourself but if do not have some one to share the experience what's the point.

Theres a heap of people out here. I dont want to be alone all the time. You dont need a partner to have friends. Be proactive , get involved with people. Markj hasnt appeared for a while, hes single and seems to be having a good time.
Theres happy single people and sad ones, theres happy married people and sad ones.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by daletournier

Theres happy single people and sad ones, theres happy married people and sad ones.

Exactly. I have done a lot of long-distance mx travel around the world, both solo and with other people. I tend to meet many more people when I'm traveling solo, and have never felt lonely or alone. But I know plenty of people who have always been married or in a relationship, and they probably wouldn't be comfortable or could even imagine life otherwise.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by Chichi

Thanks Ann. yes this does seem to work this way fairly often. i'll see when i get there but think that keeping in mind that i might outlive my mate, it might be better to stick to the idea of getting a boat that can be single-handed




Everyone, i'd like to share a 15 minute video with you. the wisdom in this video is helping me get out from between a rock and a hard place in life and, in the end, does address relationship issues like those we've evoked here as well.

i'd love to hear your thoughts on it

Great stuff.

I've learnt choices are everything, life rewards action (decision making) and the definition of hell is "upon your death the man you are meets the man you could of been". Goes back to my earlier comment regarding risk.

Oh, Im now wondering how many people are seeking therapy because of me, yikes! Ex wife did, but i paided for it, does that make it ok?...joke people joke[emoji111] [emoji111] [emoji111] [emoji111] [emoji111] [emoji111]

[Quebramar]

Chapman’s 5 languages of love are applicable to all, indifferently of gender. It takes a while to understand one’s own preferences and even more someone else’s.

Such preferences seem to be hardcoded in our brain or heart so they are at the basis of our affective needs. That makes it so difficult for one to understand someone else’s preferences and act accordingly if they are different.

Interestingly Chapman got faced with the question: what about work? Do colleagues have different ways of feeling appreciated ? Hence he developed a variation of the 5 languages of love with the “5 languages of appreciation at work”. Again not gender-related but rather one’s personality and fundamental emotional needs.

Once the language of someone else is known and one makes an effort to address it, it works wonders as it «*hits the nail on the head*»

[KiwiKen]

Originally Posted by daletournier

Theres happy single people and sad ones, theres happy married people and sad ones.

And when one realises that about 1/3 of all marriages end in divorce, and half of those that don't are not happy, but the couple hangs on for the sake of the children, religious or financial and security reasons etc; then marriage as an institution is far from what it is cracked up to be.

A divorcee re-marrying is the triumph of optimism over experience.

[boatpoker]

Originally Posted by KiwiKen

A divorcee re-marrying is the triumph of optimism over experience.

Experience is born of bad judgement.
Good judgement is born of experience.

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by Quebramar

Chapman’s 5 languages of love are applicable to all, indifferently of gender. It takes a while to understand one’s own preferences and even more someone else’s.

Such preferences seem to be hardcoded in our brain or heart so they are at the basis of our affective needs. That makes it so difficult for one to understand someone else’s preferences and act accordingly if they are different.

Interestingly Chapman got faced with the question: what about work? Do colleagues have different ways of feeling appreciated ? Hence he developed a variation of the 5 languages of love with the “5 languages of appreciation at work”. Again not gender-related but rather one’s personality and fundamental emotional needs.

Once the language of someone else is known and one makes an effort to address it, it works wonders as it «*hits the nail on the head*»

Finally Thank you, Quebramar, for saying in such a succinct way what I clearly wasn't able to in many previous postings. My job is done now; time to move on