Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[james247]

Originally Posted by brownoarsman

I'm sure someone has cruising demographics somewhere, but if I were to break it down from personal observation, the population is 60% cruising couples, 39% divorced men, 1% other. Single, young, female cruisers are like unicorns.
One other thing, there's a big difference between having a boat, and living on a boat, at least as far as the dating scene goes. One conveys a spirit of adventure with fun day trips, the other is an overgrown boy - at least that's my experience.
Why not live the life you want while you can?


Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum

I couldn't agree more if you think a boat is a chick magnet then you have been poorly advised. Get on with the job do the work stop wandering over the country looking. My experience is one day miss right will be there right under your nose looking down at you from the dock.
Alternately get rid of the idea you want to be a cruiser and get on with your landlocked life.
You will find women don't want to wander in a box truck either. Unless they are over 45 they just want to nest. Younger women are in the main driven to work or breed. The concept of being some ageing guys dream is an ageing guys dream. There are exceptions but she will find you - on the dock

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

I think that idea is worth exploring, not because it can be used to justify why women are treated unfairly in the marketplace, but to ask.
...."Who really decides?"

Firstly, I take the view that men and women are not "Equal"

They are different, Biologically, Psychologically and Physically.
But both sides have a right to achieve a quality of life that is equal.

Most women seem to be conditionally programmed to want to procreate.
They sexually attract and choose a male partner that meets their idea of the right fertilizing stock and the nest building qualities they seek in a partner.

What do single men want when they first meet a girl?

The not being equal thing, I agree! but unfortunately this often gets misinterpreted as we think "women are less" which I'm sure your not saying and I'm certainly not. Different, strengths weaknesses etc etc. and thank God (gender neutral) for that.

Regarding 25 million years of hard wiring, introduced by a lady poster in answer to women wanting babies, doesn't this apply to other areas?

Maybe guys wanting younger women (once again introduced to the thread by a woman) due to hardwiring, is it then a stretch to think maybe women are programmed to look for provider's (consciously, sub consciously)? Then this can lead us to Exiles and my earlier point regarding women we have expeirenced having "us guys pay for most things expectations"?

Hard wiring, it's all in the Dna, women want babies, guys want young hotties and we pick up the dinner bill!! [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1]..... do your best to read this in the gentle, non aggressive, not bashing women tone it was written in... Look more smilies[emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1].

[Pelagic]

Dale it is hard for some to keep anger and emotions out of their posts, especially if it challenges the popular positions on whose responsibility it is to have children.

I think all of us here know some guy who 'did the right thing' once they had impregnated a girl.

Hopefully it turned out great, but by definition it wasn't a free choice even though he does bear the responsibility of not controling his own sperm.

My own experience highlights this.....

From 18 to 28 I knew (in the biblical sense) three woman who in turn became my committed girlfriend.

I was very upfront that children were not in my plans while I had this dream of sailing the world as a career.
I knew I would not allow myself to become an absentee father to my child, so it was a simple choice between children or this wanderlust career.

While my three partners initially agreed, after a couple of years they wanted my child and eventually mislead me that they were still using the Pill.

That deceipt gutted me, broke up the relationships and I eventually got a vasectomy at 29.

This is not a right or wrong discussion but one of accepting responsibility for your own desires.

Interesting read.

https://ourworldindata.org/fertility/

[goat]

Originally Posted by alansmith

I agree that to knowingly infect another is no different than felony assault. Freddie Prince's song Bohemian Rhapsody "...pulled the trigger killed another man....." alludes to that carnal knowledge of San Francisco restroom stalls that had holes in them for ....

Hi I'm Freddie Prinze, please don't confuse me with Freddie Mercury.

Phew, I'm always sortin' stuff out.

goat

[goat]

Originally Posted by goat

Attachment 158416
Hi I'm Freddie Prinze, please don't confuse me with Freddie Mercury.

Phew, I'm always sortin' stuff out.

goat

Hi I'm Freddie Mercury pleas... ahh forget about it, you see where im going with this.

goat

[BandB]

Originally Posted by daletournier

The not being equal thing, I agree! but unfortunately this often gets misinterpreted as we think "women are less" which I'm sure your not saying and I'm certainly not. Different, strengths weaknesses etc etc. and thank God (gender neutral) for that.

Regarding 25 million years of hard wiring, introduced by a lady poster in answer to women wanting babies, doesn't this apply to other areas?

Maybe guys wanting younger women (once again introduced to the thread by a woman) due to hardwiring, is it then a stretch to think maybe women are programmed to look for provider's (consciously, sub consciously)? Then this can lead us to Exiles and my earlier point regarding women we have expeirenced having "us guys pay for most things expectations"?

Hard wiring, it's all in the Dna, women want babies, guys want young hotties and we pick up the dinner bill!! [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1]..... do your best to read this in the gentle, non aggressive, not bashing women tone it was written in... Look more smilies[emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1].

Wifey B: I'm going to accept all the smilies. However, things are changing every day. My generation and younger are different. It's not wiring, it's teaching, environmental. I have no desire to conceive a baby, but I want sex as much as any man and many of my girlfriends are the same. In many marriages today, the men aren't doing it as much as the woman wants. Now, as to children, my hubby and I have chosen to have our involvement and care for them without giving birth and he's as oriented to caring as I am.

As to leave for childbirth, changes are slow, but it's great to see the companies where leave for the father is granted and encouraged. Our policy for childbirth is the same for the mother and the father. Same thing as sick child, men are doing more there too.

Many of my female friends who date always split the bill. Why? Because they don't want to feel like something was bought and paid for. They feel like letting the guy pay for everything then going to bed with him is very little different than prostitution and it's not for them. When I dated and when I first met my hubby he did pay for the meals. He grew up in an environment where he was taught the man pays. I thought a gentleman paid. We've both changed how we perceive that, largely in talking with younger single girls today.

In our company our CEO and CFO are females as are many other executives.

Now there are obvious physical differences. There are also things that just can't be related to. For instance, I don't know what childbirth feels like nor does any woman who hasn't had a child or any man.

Men are more muscular and generally bigger, and less curvy.

Same gender couples are more common and more public, no longer hiding.

I think female sexuality is a lot that way. There was a time it was considered taboo, unladylike to enjoy sex.

Now, I'm not saying it's all changed, just it has for many and some of the stereotypes are disappearing at least for some men and women. In boating, it's changed for some couples but probably not for most. There's something that many couples are happy continuing roles where the guy takes charge on the boat and the woman helps. If that makes them happy it's fine. However, I have the same level Captain's license as my hubby and we employee 3 female captains and 1 female engineer in our company.

There are also many couples who prefer the woman take care of the kids and house and the guy being the big breadwinner. However, there are many high powered women too, surgeons, lawyers, executives. Interesting at the same time is that there are more male teachers.

The key is when people fill roles not because they feel they have no choice but because that's what they want. We've seen very happy couples with relationships that we can't imagine being in but it works for them.

I know other couples on this site who are far more like my hubby and I are than the traditional stereotypes.

The pay arguments are mixed and some truth in all. Yes, women have had pay depressed by taking time out of their careers. Also, some jobs are by scale and sex makes no difference. Still overall for the same jobs at the same level, men are still higher paid. A lot is perception and that's slow to change. Let me toss something out that may surprise some. Tall men are paid more than short men. They're quite unfairly pictured as having more leadership ability. There are inequities that are conscious and those that people don't even know they're perpetuating.

Interesting argument that those in hiring roles should review resumes without them having names on them. Why? Well, then they will be fair on granting interviews, not just to women but to minorities as well. Impressions are formed by some based on the names. It also varies widely by industry.

I'm very happy with my career and my life. I've never felt discriminated against or paid less based on sex. However, I know that it happens.

As long as relationships aren't abusive, I'm for living and let living and couples doing what works for them. But I also like the fact than both men and women more and more see that the roles can be interchanged. I think I know more men than cook today than women.

Back to the OP's dilemma, I would think getting female crew, meeting women is very difficult. We have a very nice friend, mid 40's guy, who has a very difficult time finding women that work out for more than a couple of dates. So much of the issue in his case is he and the women want relationships and in so doing they sabotage them by not being completely honest with themselves or each other. I met my hubby by total accident so have no idea how to meet people to date. Seems the main choices are church, bars, internet. If your hobby is bowling, it's mixed bowling leagues. Perhaps some sailing clubs work but I'm not aware of them. I think the women who say "yes I want to sail across oceans" really do want to want to do so but that's not enough. The guy who commits to a platonic relationship may mean it but then just can't.

Every person, man or woman, is different. Finding the one that's right for you, I know is extremely difficult. Just have to be who you are, be honest in what you want and hope. Then sadly know that most relationships don't work out.

Good luck to the OP. He might stand a better chance of finding a partner on land, but then doesn't mean that partner will want the same things he does. I know people who have said absolutely no more dating, no more hunting, at least ten times in their life but they try again. I wish everyone could find what works for them.

[KiwiKen]

Originally Posted by Nicor

Here is another thing about solo, my life is simple meaning simple foods also.

You see different posts on here about all the fancy stuff they pack to cook with, pots, pans, special forks, knives, all the different seasonings that are required to pack with you also.

That an't me, an't no way. I doubt any female would ship out with me if they look in what will be in the pantry.

That's actually a good thing there. It would bring me back to my senses to why i went solo in the first place.

Exactly, food is fuel for the body, and as long as it is easy to prepare, isn't too expensive, tastes OK, and doesn't make one want to throw up, and one has a balanced diet then it is fine.
I can never understand the obsession people have with food and TV programmes dedicated to food, no wonder obeisity is such a problem in modern western societies.

I read the gender arguments with interest, so many playing the victim, so many slating off the opposite sex. For heaven's sake get a life.

I have a few simple rules that I find work just fine.
Live and let live, do your own thing whatever that may be, but please don't ask me to endorse it, because frankly I don't care, it's your choice not mine.
Tolerance is a two way street, so is respect, and far too many people in this world are demanding tolerance and respect while not showing it to others.
Nothing pisses me off more than someone who is in ones face propounding their point of view while denigrating one's own opinions or beliefs, be the subject gender, sexual orientation, political views, race or what have you. This is where Political Correctness leads, with individual rights being reduced to conforming to the popular neo liberal view of everything.

I recall an Air Force Colleague's wedding, and an Air Commodore who I had frequently sailed with in RORC offshore racing, on being introduced to my wife saying." I have always wanted to meet you, Ken is the only confirmed bachelor I know who is married with 3 children."
I guess I must have done something right because we have managed to tolerate each other for some 43 years. But take my wife on a serious blue water voyage, I think not, that would be a step too far.

Living day in day out in the close confines of a yacht at sea can put intolerable strain on relationships. This not only applies between opposite sexes, but also in all male and all female groupings - in the military context it is the hierarchy system that keeps things in order, such systems don't often exist in family groups or in leisure boat crews.

Are men and women equal, the answer is both yes and no, there are many areas were they are completely equal,eg intellectually and in acquired skills, but there are very many areas were they are not equal, some are complementary with men, while many are diametrically opposite, and it is a fool who does not recognise this simple fact.

In conclusion , I recall a line from a student song that we sung as engineering undergraduates- "and I don't give a damn for any old man who don't give a damn for us". Not a bad philosophy.

You respect my space, and i will respect yours.

[daletournier]

WifeyB, great post, don't agree with it all, but that's OK.

Regarding women wanting more sex, I'm in agreement with you there.. Lol, well women in the 40-50 bracket anyway, not sure it's all age groups (wow, how did we get here) where was that woman libido when I was in my 20's!!!!! We really need to get that timing thing worked out. Women and men change as we age, imagine that!!

Pelagic, I hear what your saying, that mistrust and giving responsibility to someone else led me to making the same decision at a similar age. One of the most empowering things I've done, i have zero regrets. I made this decision because I knew if I accidentally had a kid it was forever, I would be fully responsible, I would of been a committed father regardless of circumstances, that's not what I wanted to do. I most likely wouldn't be retired and cruising at the age I am if not for that "investment" ROI infinity!!

I have to say I know some guys that are incredibly irresponsible and seem to have little remorse when their girlfriend got pregnant, seem to think it was purely the woman's responsibility. One guy I know has done this multiple times as well as passing on a std, real winner! He offends me to the core. Fortunately these guys are few and far between, well at least in my world.

[alansmith]

Goat....he he he...and that ain't the first thing to have left me stranded. Thanks for sorting it out for shizzle for brains....me....

[daletournier]

It would be interesting to know the age of various posters, it seems to have a bearing on the various views.

[SV.Louna]

Ok, my thoughts. Concentrate on getting your boat so it will sail, then head to pretty much anywhere in SE Asia and get your boat fitted out like a dream with someone who will work for $15 p/day who are amazing trades people. As for young hotties, the place is full of them and they like 'older' guys like you apparently. And hey, you could even charter your cat in their waters to Americans and get US dollars. Would save you worrying about box trucks and RV's and roaming the deserts for females that really don't want to spend time on your unfinished projects. Go somewhere where they want to spend time with you and don't really care about your cat.

[sandrunner]

Originally Posted by LouisAndNatasha

Ok, my thoughts. Concentrate on getting your boat so it will sail, then head to pretty much anywhere in SE Asia and get your boat fitted out like a dream with someone who will work for $15 p/day who are amazing trades people. As for young hotties, the place is full of them and they like 'older' guys like you apparently. And hey, you could even charter your cat in their waters to Americans and get US dollars. Would save you worrying about box trucks and RV's and roaming the deserts for females that really don't want to spend time on your unfinished projects. Go somewhere where they want to spend time with you and don't really care about your cat.

You were doing good until the part about 15/p day and amazing tradespeople. More SPF needed methinks

[barnakiel]

Wowow!

And so we are nearing #1000.

This may be pointing at a clear correlation between single men living aboard and the Cruising Forum.

A paired man living aboard,
barnakiel

[ravinracin]

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B: Fear is a great motivator. Now, we're going to see courts more and more, and perhaps states passing more laws, deciding that to have sex when you knowingly have an STD without telling your partner in advance can be a serious crime. It's truly assault.

California just passed a law that reduced the charge from a felony to a misdemeanor for infecting someone with HIV.

[john61ct]

Meantime, in the developed world

https://www.theguardian.com/world/20...jailed-in-rome