Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[brownoarsman]

Originally Posted by Exile

Ultimately breaking it off had little to do with the money, and everything to do with tiring of this attitude of "expecting everything and appreciating little,"

In my experience, this has been the single greatest reason behind 'amicable' splits (e.g. no cheating or other nasty things, just an ending). No one likes being taken for granted, and it can easily happen if a couple falls into habitual roles which just start to feel 'natural'.

So, please, appreciate your partners everyday!

[double u]

the "watchkeeping-schedule" of a cruising couple imho is quite a good indication as to the overall relationship:
in >100.000 miles of cruising first as a couple, then with child, we never ever had or felt the need for a planned schedule: each of us always gave her/his best & the other knew it & reciprocated & so forth.
this attitude worked (& still works, "stranded" now for 18 years...) very well for our relationship (but then, what do I know, never having been divorced...)
with 26/23 we "threw in our lot" with each other without reservation - did it work out because or despite of that? who's to say?
we always find it funny when people have separate accounts, sometimes they don't even know how much the partner makes - poor people, the essence of the whole thing eludes you...

[goat]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

I think we all have a tendency to moralize our actions, which often leads to poor judgements and compromised outcomes because of that emotional baggage.

Years back, I reflected on "the importance of being selfish"....from the philosophical perspective of a decision making tool.

Simply put.....if you accept that every decision and action you make is for selfish reasons ....then it frees you from having any recioprical expectations from others, or falling into some kind of martyrs mindset that drains the spirit.

It is very empowering!

Well put Pelagic! I came up with the same philosophy after dissolving a 29 year marriage. I traveled (am traveling) a lot, airfare, food and activities were all suddenly 1/2 price.
You come into the world alone and you leave it alone, be good to people, but always take care of yourself first.

goat

[Tetepare]

Originally Posted by goat

Marriage means 'I love you so much that we need to get the government and church involved.'

goat

Priceless.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Olddan1943

So much for a compassionate family. I think my family would handle it differently according to my verbal instructions.
I hesitate to put it in writing because it is difficult to undo things legally.

Example: A woman who wants a defined cash amount upon the husband's death verses a defined percentage. Put it all into a Trust and divvy up within the Trust.

Per the boat? Sell it, split the proceeds as defined within the Trust, being generous to the lady for putting up with the old fart.

There are other ways to dispose of his assets.... assuming it is not his wife for she usually gets it all. Perhaps an escalating clause based upon the number of years together.

Gotta think about her health insurance too.

I am thankful I have a family who understands such things.

WARNING: I am not an attorney nor do I play one on TV. The above are merely suggestion.

Okay, I'm done. Let the fights begin.

Wifey B: One thing you can be sure of, if not married, there will be a fight. Guaranteed. 95 times out of 100. Might be over the boat or the price to sell it or any number of things. You better have an ironclad will, but there still will be a fight.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by double u

the "watchkeeping-schedule" of a cruising couple imho is quite a good indication as to the overall relationship:
in >100.000 miles of cruising first as a couple, then with child, we never ever had or felt the need for a planned schedule: each of us always gave her/his best & the other knew it & reciprocated & so forth.
this attitude worked (& still works, "stranded" now for 18 years...) very well for our relationship (but then, what do I know, never having been divorced...)
with 26/23 we "threw in our lot" with each other without reservation - did it work out because or despite of that? who's to say?
we always find it funny when people have separate accounts, sometimes they don't even know how much the partner makes - poor people, the essence of the whole thing eludes you...

Wifey B: Nice to see your post. It works quite well for some of us, marriage that is.

Nothing like seeing a bunch of old divorced or otherwise unpartnered single men talking about marriage. Wish I could talk to their ex's.

[Olddan1943]

Wifey B, in my case I have an iron clad brother who will follow my wishes.

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B: One thing you can be sure of, if not married, there will be a fight. Guaranteed. 95 times out of 100. Might be over the boat or the price to sell it or any number of things. You better have an ironclad will, but there still will be a fight.

[jpendoley]

Not all divorced men are cynical about the possibilities of finding healthy, mutually respectful love the second time around. Just because the marriage ended does not mean it was a failure. In my case, I raised two great daughters who will go on to improve the world in their way. People grow and change. I'm grateful for the positive experiences I shared in my marriage and take that as evidence that it can happen again

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B:

Nothing like seeing a bunch of old divorced or otherwise unpartnered single men talking about marriage. Wish I could talk to their ex's.

Reducing this conversation to be about marriage is a bit sad and on the same level that if you are not of my own religion, then you must be unholy.

Any Relationship's health and longevity is based on commitment and honesty.

Neither of those can be mandated but I acknowledge that in some societies, marriage is enforced with brutal enthusiasm.

[SAMPATICO]

Originally Posted by SURV69

Working on a relationship is intense work and if it doesn't work out, it wastes time. I'm not saying this tongue in cheek, it's just that when the available time becomes shorter and shorter each day, week or month and the chance of finding a mate for sailing is slim.



I don't know what, in the female psyche, draws women to power boats or no boats, before they consider a sailboat. Sailing is "pastoral" ... I would think sailing would be a chick magnet, but it's not.



I see SO MANY men with sailboats that leave wives at home .... the wife doesn't want to come.



So, unless you go through a dating service that spells out exactly what you have to offer and exactly what you're looking for, the odds are against you.



When you're younger, the time is more affordable you have so much life left, you cn afford taking the chances and losing that time to no end.



In my case, I'm 68, look young and I'm pretty healthy ... more healthy that I used to be.



Right now I'm on a hiatus .... I'm on the boat, but sitting for winter(bubbling), in Huron, Ohio(Lake Erie). But long-term, or some derivitive of full-time sailing means I'm never anywhere ... I'm on the move, or I'm static for a short period of time. The odds of seeing a face looking at me from across a crowd, falling in love .... and she loves sailing .... uh uh. Just not going to happen. If I want it to happen in some way or manner, in a matter of speaking, I'd have to "pause", life for a while. At a younger age, I'd do it.

Sounds like you need Match.com or similar

[Olddan1943]

Originally Posted by SAMPATICO

Sounds like you need Match.com or similar

there are a number dating services that offer that, "Just send me money and I will fly to you and love you long time." Good luck and let me know how the Russian bride thing works for you. SMIRK

[JPA Cate]

Well, OldDan,

We have friends who did get together through a dating service: he only looked at women who mentioned sailing in their resumes. So far, it's working well, but they're younger.

I really think, if you are 68, you know what you want, and you are aware of being on the slippery slope to inability, even if you're in excellent nick. You should do however you want to do....as long as you can, and however it finishes.



Ann

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Reducing this conversation to be about marriage is a bit sad and on the same level that if you are not of my own religion, then you must be unholy.

Any Relationship's health and longevity is based on commitment and honesty.

Neither of those can be mandated but I acknowledge that in some societies, marriage is enforced with brutal enthusiasm.

Wifey B: Ok, change my comment to those who aren't successful in relationships instead of those not married.

[Pelagic]

Much better! [emoji106]

[BandB]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

Well, OldDan,

We have friends who did get together through a dating service: he only looked at women who mentioned sailing in their resumes. So far, it's working well, but they're younger.

I really think, if you are 68, you know what you want, and you are aware of being on the slippery slope to inability, even if you're in excellent nick. You should do however you want to do....as long as you can, and however it finishes.

Ann

Wifey B: One of the biggest mistakes is expecting the other person to change. Even by 30, not highly likely but when someone is 68, they know what they like, what they don't, they do things their way, and for either one to expect change from their partner in the relationship or cruising or anything is just unwise.

I see people who find the "perfect person...well, except" and then set about trying to change that. We have a good friend, single mid 40's, and he and a girl were together for a while, but there were just a couple of things he would never be able to accept and she'd never be able to accept him always upset over those things. To a third party, they seemed silly, but they were a source of anger every week. They broke up and then back together and they never bothered him less, but he just missed her everytime they broke up. I believe he may have loved her, but he hated just a couple of things she did or didn't do. To him, they were "inconsiderate", to her they were "nothing."

A sailing relationship faces that and more. The odds are very slim for people meeting and going sailing at an older age. They need to agree on all the rules in advance, probably in writing.