Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[Saleen411]

Originally Posted by scgilligan

I see why you wanted to remain "under cover"..if you had used your real name here you might have been thrown into "internet dating" without even trying to be. Lol. Many men here would consider your description of yourself to be exactly what they are looking for in a woman/1st mate/co-captain.

My thoughts exactly. Awesome post from the mystery lady.

[exMaggieDrum]

This has been an interesting thread. I'll just throw in a few (personal) observations as to what I have experienced and seen on this subject. I am retired and my wife will be this year. I came home one day and told her I met an old salt (in Denver no less) who lived on a sailboat with his wife and went to Mexico, etc. etc., which I thought was great. Turns out she had sailed as a kid and thought it would be great too. So we got a boat and did coastal sailing and trips progressively getting farther and farther out there until we finally took off for 4 years (Mexico, South Pacific).

Along the way we have met many, many happy couples who sail together, and we have met some happy single sailors (men and women), and some unhappy sailors who really want a mate to sail with. And now that we have been on land (getting another boat ready to go again next year), we have developed a crowd of friends who are mostly couples who have boats and love to sail. One couple also go for long motorcycle trips. They met after he got divorced and they went sailing immediately.

Somehow there seems to be a way, given a lot of luck and good attitude and being in a situation where you might find a mate, things like this work out. We saw many several single men sailors who wanted to have female companionship. Some never did and some seemed to find it wherever they went. So what's up with that?

First, it seems that finding a good mate is not easy on land or on the water. And finding a mate on land who also will live on a sailboat in a marina, let alone go offshore, is not easy. But it seems easy for some folks. All our best friends are sailors and most all of them are couples who both love to go offshore.

Given that finding the right person on land is hard, and finding someone who will be adventurous enough to go offshore is tremendously harder, it is not surprising that a lot of singles that start single, stay single. And, when you are actually out there sailing, the number of potential mates you meet is a small number to start with. And, any single women who are already doing it already have their own boat and may or may not want to hook up with someone else on another boat.

So the odds are stacked to start with. The things that I have noticed that makes some able to find that great mate and some not are: attitude, good nature, optimism, smiles opportunity, intelligence. Handsomeness and beauty will always be a factor for some but I haven't seen it be the driver if the others are there. People gravitate to optimistic people who are happy already in their own skin. We sure don't pick our friends on how pretty they are or what type of clothes they wear. It's the insides that count. And you have to love your own insides or it will be so much harder it just may never happen.

And you have to be in situations where your odds of finding one of these rare people are greater. I don't have a real good answer for this one but I absolutely guarantee if you don't go in to the search with a positive attitude and a smile your odds are infinitesimal. There have been quite a few suggestions as to where and how to get exposure to more "candidates" in the huge number of posts here. Luck plays a big part of this. Just like it does on land.

Other than that, it sure would help if you have a good, clean boat, and you appear to know what you are doing, and not just looking for someone to provide money for the next beer, and keep your pits sweet. I only say this because I have personally seen more than a few guys who don't do any of this and complain how they can't find a mate.

And, all this applies to both sexes equally although there seem to be more single men out there on boats then women. Interestingly, most all of the single women on boats that I have seen really have their act together and aren't the biggest complainers.

[goat]

Mystery woman brought up a good point that I stress to all single men and women I meet that are hoping to meet 'the right person'. Be ready to go it alone, save for your own boat, stash money away for the lifestyle. I've met guys who seem nice, but are afraid of 'gold diggers' to the point they won't give a lady a chance. Conversly I've met many women who would love the life and are waiting for the right guy (with a boat) to take them away. It saddens me to see the loneliness this causes.

Plan to go alone, nobody can let you down but yourself. Worst thing that happens is you go cruising and meet someone else that has a boat and you have to decide which one to keep.....

P.S. mystery lady; I think we've met, if so, I hope your plan is coming together.

goat; couples therapy service animal.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B: It's no wonder so many of you men are single with your attitudes toward women. I hope for the sake of the woman, you stay that way. Now, real men aren't so easily intimidated and understand fully what equality is and that women can do anything men can while at the same time they can remain feminine. Glad I'm married to a man who gets it and who, as much as he does love boating, loves me more. [emoji2]

I'm glad your married to him to.

[daletournier]

Hi Chichi, I do agree that there are women such as yourself that want to go cruising, I've come across several but they are the minority based on my experience. I've even come across several women that are driving the adventure, with their partners coming along for the ride, but once again they are the minority.

I also find it interesting when men give their honest opinions/experiences from their perspective they automatically get rocks thrown at them, as the other lady poster has done, her post is quite insulting but apparently OK due to it being more politically correct. I feel many men don't voice their views due to the criticism they would cop.

I have many close women friends, I could not imagine not having women in my life but it doesn't change the fact based on my experience that this lifestyle is not one many women would chose.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by goat

Mystery woman brought up a good point that I stress to all single men and women I meet that are hoping to meet 'the right person'. Be ready to go it alone, save for your own boat, stash money away for the lifestyle. I've met guys who seem nice, but are afraid of 'gold diggers' to the point they won't give a lady a chance. Conversly I've met many women who would love the life and are waiting for the right guy (with a boat) to take them away. It saddens me to see the loneliness this causes.

Plan to go alone, nobody can let you down but yourself. Worst thing that happens is you go cruising and meet someone else that has a boat and you have to decide which one to keep.....

P.S. mystery lady; I think we've met, if so, I hope your plan is coming together.

goat; couples therapy service animal.

Good post, prepare to go it alone and see what happens. BTW I've seen just that, a guy on a boat meets a woman on her boat, they get married and live on her boat.

[scgilligan]

[QUOTE=goat;2500348]...Be ready to go it alone, ..
QUOTE]

I think that is certainly the key. Don't work so hard to meet a mate..do what you love and you will be around people of like minds..If there is a match in that group, then cool..if not, don't go chasing something that requires you to alter your life to "make it fit". An ill fitting shoe will cause pain no matter how much you wear it..it ain't gonna stretch that much. Lol.
This is good advice and I wish I had lived my life by it..I might be on the water right now.

[Lepke]

"I've met many women who would love the life and are waiting for the right guy (with a boat) to take them away."
Yes, they're out there, but just a different kind of golddigger. Most often, totally unprepared for a life on a boat. Most are just hopping from one failed relationship and looking for a free life in another with all the commitment that goes with that attitude.
Most women do not have a realistic view of life. Let alone life on the ocean. They're full of nonsense romantic novels and movies that are as real as the Flintstones. The book never goes into the ever after. Just the sunset.
One day after pounding into a head sea for days, going someplace you didn't want to go, but going just to please her, everything about life becomes your fault. The difficulty of ocean life, things falling out of cupboards, the tilting deck, hauling groceries and so on is all your fault. Somehow you tricked her. You see her every hair standing straight out, you only hear anger, not words, and you only see fangs. She has become rabid.
Single guys, learn to entertain yourselves. Enjoy the simplicity and quiet of being alone. If you're living on a boat, there's plenty to do to keep entertained. Get a dog. I've never met a woman that was as good of a companion as my worst dog.
If not, grow your hair long, get an earring, and learn how to pee sitting down.

[redhead]

This all reminds me of the old story.

Two people are sitting on a hillside looking at the town down in the valley.

The first says "That town looks mean. If I go in I'd better be on guard so I don't get robbed or bashed over the head. I don't really like the look of that town but I want to go try it".

The second says "Really? I can't see that. Look at the architecture, and that restaurant looks nice and there's just a really good atmosphere - I think I'll like it".

And they both went into town. And they both were right.
In my experience you pretty much get what you're looking for.

Chichi's post was very thoughtful and downright lyrical. There's women out there who want the sailing life, who aren't gold diggers and have better personalities than a dog. I don't care for political correctness, but that one was a bit tough to swallow. I know if I was the woman some of you are describing, my husband would be outta here. If you don't like each other and the same top 5 things, what's the point? I'd rather be (sailing) alone than with someone I had nothing in common with.

[Pelagic]

When it comes to romantic relationships;
(Man/Woman)
(Woman/Woman)
(Man/Man)
Remember It is all about our feelings derived from perception, .......Not truth!

Add to this the the misunderstandings from inadequate communication, biological cravings and social/religious engineering and you begin to realize that it can either be seen as hard work or the illusive holy grail.

My only piece of advice when a less than romantic type of "morning breath" creeps into our relationship......Adapt!

[Pelagic]

Thinking of the great Bertrand Russell, his own words on the summation of his life come to mind

"Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a great ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair.

I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy – ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness – that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what – at last – I have found."

[SV THIRD DAY]

Everyone is always looking for a good way to earn money to fund their Cruising Dream...so some single hander out there needs to make an online dating service for: Cruisers Seeking Company. But of course Size doesn't matter when it comes to Boats right...

[john61ct]

Single hander

hehe

[zeehag]

never date a male with a smaller boat than yours. it ALWAYS is an issue even when he swears it is not... h ah aha ha ha

[TJ D]

Originally Posted by Lepke

"I've met many women who would love the life and are waiting for the right guy (with a boat) to take them away."
Yes, they're out there, but just a different kind of golddigger. Most often, totally unprepared for a life on a boat. Most are just hopping from one failed relationship and looking for a free life in another with all the commitment that goes with that attitude.
Most women do not have a realistic view of life. Let alone life on the ocean. They're full of nonsense romantic novels and movies that are as real as the Flintstones. The book never goes into the ever after. Just the sunset.
One day after pounding into a head sea for days, going someplace you didn't want to go, but going just to please her, everything about life becomes your fault. The difficulty of ocean life, things falling out of cupboards, the tilting deck, hauling groceries and so on is all your fault. Somehow you tricked her. You see her every hair standing straight out, you only hear anger, not words, and you only see fangs. She has become rabid.
Single guys, learn to entertain yourselves. Enjoy the simplicity and quiet of being alone. If you're living on a boat, there's plenty to do to keep entertained. Get a dog. I've never met a woman that was as good of a companion as my worst dog.
If not, grow your hair long, get an earring, and learn how to pee sitting down.

Damn, man. That was sad. I've had a few women with me on board on long cruises, and the experience was generally very positive. One wasn't up to the task, but she went on her way amiably. Hey, it's not for everyone-no hard feelings. I've never had one turn rabid, that's for sure!

I think you're taking the wrong kind of woman on the boat, friend. But, I do detect a note of misogyny here (most women have an unrealistic view of life-how did you come to that conclusion anyway?), and that may have attracted something less than a high-quality boating partner.

To those of you despairing, there are lots of good folks of the opposite sex who want to live this life. Make sure your boat's in good nick-comfortable and seaworthy. Make sure you're in good nick too. If you've got some issues of your own that make you unattractive to people, they will come to the surface very quickly while being cooped up on a small boat.