Cruisers Forum
 


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 11-01-2020, 00:02   #2536
Registered User
 
AndyEss's Avatar

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Sea of Cortez/northern Utah/ Wisconsin/ La Paz, BCS
Boat: Hans Christian 38 Mk II
Posts: 725
Images: 1
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
." I'm not opposed to an emotionally-based, boy/girl loving relationship, but I really don't have time anymore to argue that my splicing skills are way better and more efficient than your painting abilities, so you should shut up and paint the deck already while I go splice dock lines.....

Or something like that. Still working through that thought process
Gamayun - ya gotta stop dating Neanderthals. Who in his right mind wouldn’t acknowledge another’s superior skills?
AndyEss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-01-2020, 03:18   #2537
Moderator
 
JPA Cate's Avatar

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: aboard, cruising in Australia
Boat: Sayer 46' Solent rig sloop
Posts: 20,719
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

For the younger ones among us.....it is not much talked about, but at some point in one's life, sexual congress becomes less important, and quality of reciprocity in relationships more important.

Ann
__________________
Who scorns the calm has forgotten the storm.
JPA Cate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-01-2020, 20:03   #2538
Registered User
 
Saleen411's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Discovery Bay, CA
Posts: 1,144
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JPA Cate View Post
For the younger ones among us.....it is not much talked about, but at some point in one's life, sexual congress becomes less important, and quality of reciprocity in relationships more important.

Ann
I was hoping that would be around age 90 or so?
__________________
"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore"- Andre' Gide
Saleen411 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2020, 03:31   #2539
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay area
Boat: Condor Trimaran 30 foot
Posts: 1,475
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Maybe, I’m the odd pear in the fruit basket. But I enjoy marriage and what it brings to life. My wife is Chinese. She is my third wife. Married 18 years and three children. A bird living with a fish. Second wife was Russian and broke my heart when she passed from breast cancer. Then I married again at 63.

With companionship comes a different type of growth then when single. I’m not saying better... I’m saying different. I’ve never been treated better. We love so many things together. I agree with Ann Cate, 1 million percent, that reciprocity is important. There are things that rub me the wrong way at times but I believe that the relationship is more important than infuriating her with
My petty squabble. They say the atmosphere in the home is very important. I notice people’s intolerances on so many levels ...yet ignore their own deeply flawed natures.

I guess I’m lucky. If you can find someone that you can co-exist with. Man that is so fulfilling and adds a deep satisfaction in living. God, I just love snuggling up with her at the end of the day. Her soft legs entwined with mine. The scent of her hair in my nostrils. My hand cupping her breast as we drift off to sleep. It couldn’t be better.
alansmith is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2020, 04:50   #2540
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 9,572
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Yup!
Pelagic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13-01-2020, 18:43   #2541
Registered User

Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Maryland
Boat: 1985 Ericson 32-3
Posts: 283
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Not really cruising but we found our balance has been keeping two houses which are close, communicating constantly about everything every day, physically being together several nights a week and days when we we want. I needed something today and she dropped what she was doing to come over. There's a lot we like to do together but the kids are long grown and so we share without a lot of the minor daily hassles. It's a balance that has worked for us for years.

Besides, I don't need to hear all the reality shows every night and she is not subjected to my shop projects or sports.
Checkswrecks is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26-01-2020, 16:19   #2542
Registered User
 
Hunterdog's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Aboard
Boat: Beneteau Sense 50
Posts: 78
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Do what you love...and people will seek you out who love what you do.
Sounds like you do not love the crappy cat.
Hunterdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-01-2020, 10:32   #2543
Registered User

Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 567
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hunterdog View Post
Do what you love...and people will seek you out who love what you do.
Sounds like you do not love the crappy cat.

This is a great reply: "Do what you love...and people will seek you out who love what you do"



I've lived my life that way......... Romance has been fairly sparse for me, but that's hardly an accident, as I've structured my life in ways that make me less desirable, at least to those with superficial desires. I don't need or want a lot of casual relationships. The average duration for me is 8-12 years. I'm fine solo...... I refuse to pursue... that should not be necessary. If the "magic" is there, you will find each other. To me a woman who "needs" to be pursued needs someone other than me.



As I look around me and see the unhappiness that people suffer in relationships, I'm not at all unhappy to be currently unencumbered. Just yesterday I was talking to a friend on the phone....... 2 years into his second marriage, his wife is having "buyers remorse"........ He doesn't understand why...... I see very little of it, but have a pretty good idea that rather than focusing on "her problem", a bit of self examination is in order. It takes two, and if the foundation that their marriage is built on is not solid, it has very little chance. What comes to mind is the definition of insanity...... doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. I think that applies here but I can't put a finger on it exactly from the outside.



Personally I gave up on marriage 42 years ago...........
owly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-01-2020, 12:16   #2544
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,306
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by owly View Post
...Just yesterday I was talking to a friend on the phone....... 2 years into his second marriage, his wife is having "buyers remorse"........ He doesn't understand why...... I see very little of it, but have a pretty good idea that rather than focusing on "her problem", a bit of self examination is in order. It takes two, and if the foundation that their marriage is built on is not solid, it has very little chance. What comes to mind is the definition of insanity...... doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. I think that applies here but I can't put a finger on it exactly from the outside....
Arguably this is putting your finger on it:

There's some extremely compelling science* to explain this phenomenon. It ultimately relates to brain chemical changes that occur between the onset of the relationship and 9-18 months after the start. Dropping (back to baseline) ~feel good/feel right hormones 9+ months into the relationship results in a perspective (i.e. emotional) shift that causes one to look at their purchase (and alternative options) from another angle. This is reflected in the lyrics to countless songs (e.g. "once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart...nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart"). Incidentally this appears to be the same neurobiology that compels people to buy more and more, newer and newer stuff in life, instead of just making do with the thing they bought 15 years ago that still would get the job done. Most people enjoy wanting more than having...it's sort of an adaptive biology thing, if problematic in relationships and personal economics.

If society knew this stuff it'd deeply cut into the livelihood of wedding planners, divorce attorneys, etc (assuming people in fact were looking to pair-bond for life instead of repetitively riding he emotional roller-coaster explained by the science). It'd also save people money by teaching them why they're addicted to buying new crap, but this too would ding the economy. *A quick google search can find many papers and lectures on the subject. Evolutionary biologists offer that the love cycle stuff lasts about a year or so for reasons having to do with maximizing mom's chance of finding the strongest possible dad such that her kids have the best survival chances. YMMV
Singularity is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-01-2020, 13:08   #2545
Registered User

Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 567
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Singularity View Post
Arguably this is putting your finger on it:

There's some extremely compelling science* to explain this phenomenon. It ultimately relates to brain chemical changes that occur between the onset of the relationship and 9-18 months after the start. Dropping (back to baseline) ~feel good/feel right hormones 9+ months into the relationship results in a perspective (i.e. emotional) shift that causes one to look at their purchase (and alternative options) from another angle. This is reflected in the lyrics to countless songs (e.g. "once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart...nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart"). Incidentally this appears to be the same neurobiology that compels people to buy more and more, newer and newer stuff in life, instead of just making do with the thing they bought 15 years ago that still would get the job done. Most people enjoy wanting more than having...it's sort of an adaptive biology thing, if problematic in relationships and personal economics.

If society knew this stuff it'd deeply cut into the livelihood of wedding planners, divorce attorneys, etc (assuming people in fact were looking to pair-bond for life instead of repetitively riding he emotional roller-coaster explained by the science). It'd also save people money by teaching them why they're addicted to buying new crap, but this too would ding the economy. *A quick google search can find many papers and lectures on the subject. Evolutionary biologists offer that the love cycle stuff lasts about a year or so for reasons having to do with maximizing mom's chance of finding the strongest possible dad such that her kids have the best survival chances. YMMV



In this case it is a relationship spanning many years..... off and on, so this doesn't quite apply 100%....... Marriage as a way to breath new life into a relationship is hollow, and I silently opposed it, seeing it for what it really was. Likewise having a baby together..... something I mentioned in a previous post....... You don't solve things, just defer them...... yes, the very same couple.
owly is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
cruising, living aboard, men, single

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
All about the Colregs no 3 - single handed sailing and keeping a look out Rustic Charm Rules of the Road, Regulations & Red Tape 401 23-02-2021 11:49
Make a Living, Living Aboard JanetGroene Boat Ownership & Making a Living 0 19-11-2010 12:28

Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:40.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.