Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[sailordudeii]

"Aw shucks, Cyan, please don't make it too obvious. Women kinda like their men dense and helpless, ya know?"

That way they can be more easily trained properly, right?
My wife said that after 35 years I am almost trained!

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by sailordudeii

That way they can be more easily trained properly, right?
My wife said that after 35 years I am almost trained!

Ha, ha, yeah. You joke but I see relationships all the time like this. I need my man to be a fully self-aware and independently functioning adult. Now how hard can that be?

[Dan GB]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Ha, ha, yeah. You joke but I see relationships all the time like this. I need my man to be a fully self-aware and independently functioning adult. Now how hard can that be?

It begs the question, how has that worked out for you so far?

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Ha, ha, yeah. You joke but I see relationships all the time like this. I need my man to be a fully self-aware and independently functioning adult. Now how hard can that be?

The ambition of many a woman..
Till it happens..

[sailordudeii]

Originally Posted by Dan GB

It begs the question, how has that worked out for you so far?

Excellent, as Gamayun picked up on... I jest. In all seriousness though. When two different lives come together to be one then to be successful both parties have to be mature enough to accept the other as they are. You should go into marriage with your eyes wide open and once married your eyes should be half closed. Each will have faults that will not be discovered until after the ceremony. If you see something prior that needs to be fixed in the other than discuss it openly. If the person is immature can you handle that for the rest of your life?
Good responsible young men are hard to find and that is why many 20 something's are dating 30 to 40 yr olds these days. So I have been told by the 20 something's.

[Wayfarer1008]

This current thread cracks me up! people have contemplated the Nature V.S. Nurture battle for human intelligence for millennia and we are no closer to figuring it out than when we started. From having to manage people for a living what I have found is everyone brings their special skills and intelligence to the show. The problem is putting them into a position that challenges them and makes the best use of their mental skill set.
As for what people consider the uber smart I deal with them as well. Generally when they get into the super smart crowd their ability to concentrate, retain what they have learned and to reason sets them apart. Most of them have true photographic memories which is really difficult to deal with. When they are in this category they loose something like a personality trait and the ability to interact in society.

They also have a problem with authority in that they become quickly board unless they are constantly challenged.

[Dan GB]

Originally Posted by sailordudeii

Excellent, as Gamayun picked up on... I jest. In all seriousness though. When two different lives come together to be one then to be successful both parties have to be mature enough to accept the other as they are. You should go into marriage with your eyes wide open and once married your eyes should be half closed. Each will have faults that will not be discovered until after the ceremony. If you see something prior that needs to be fixed in the other than discuss it openly. If the person is immature can you handle that for the rest of your life?
Good responsible young men are hard to find and that is why many 20 something's are dating 30 to 40 yr olds these days. So I have been told by the 20 something's.

Me too, I jest. And I agree with what you say about acceptance. Can't build much without that corner stone. And the mutual desire to build something together drives the commitment to that value.
My wife is of course perfect in every way, and what some would call her 'faults' are the things I love more then anything. My many faults drive her crazy. But we are in the gig together, building a life together. And the value and joy and fun of that trumps all the small stuff.
Including that I want to sail, she doesn't, so we give and take. I will circumnavigate in two to four week hops, with my two boys, over a decade say, but will never be a live aboard cruiser.
It's called compromise, in my world, giving stuff up, creating win wins, all for the greater good. Just my humble point of view. Still learning about all this stuff

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by sailordudeii

Good responsible young men are hard to find and that is why many 20 something's are dating 30 to 40 yr olds these days. So I have been told by the 20 something's.

Naah.. They have just twigged onto something Med women have known for centuries..
Marry an older financially secure guy for stability and then take a lover their own age..

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by Dan GB

It begs the question, how has that worked out for you so far?

I'm quite a bit of an outlier so best not to hold up my history or experience as representative of women in general. As many others have said on here, good relationships take energy from both sides to maintain, and compromises are a necessary part. I meet a lot of super nice men who have become great friends over the years so they are out there and available. It's interesting that so few reach out to me on CF, but I do reach out to them when I find someone interesting. Actually, I reach out to many sailors including other couples and women because I enjoy meeting new people and taking them sailing. I rarely get involved with anyone romantically because I neither have the time nor the interest to put a lot of energy into sustaining a relationship at the moment and I certainly have no interest in compromising about the things I want to do in my life. Many men I get involved with also seem to be overly protective, which irks me to no end though it seems to be their expression of a caring individual. I'm sure my attitude will change in the future and when it does, I'll let ya'll know Oh, but I'll be looking for a rich young and buff renaissance man All joking aside, I do enjoy the discussions on this thread, especially from the married full-time cruising folks, because I like to know how people make this relationship thing work for themselves at sea.

[JPA Cate]

Yes, I'm an outlier, as well, and can only speak for myself, really, but what we've seen in ourselves is that who we are doesn't change at sea, but we accept the ocean as our chosen environment. And one thing it does it teach us that we need each other "for backup". So our environment reinforces our cooperative, supportive behaviors. You have to be willing to trust, and I've heard it expressed as "each of you puts in 110%." It is a characteristic, in my opinion, of most successful cruisers relationships. It offers very deep companionship.

I'm sure this isn't what a singlehander wants to hear, and perhaps it isn't true for them at all. We happen to have met Suzanne Curphey-Huber, who is solo sailing in the Longue Route, the French event in commemoration of Moitessier's well known voyage--a race he didn't go on to finish, but started a second circumnavigation (pour sauver mon ame), and we received an e-mail from her the other day. She describes that her vessel (that she designed and had built, an aluminum 40 footer) had become coated with very large gooseneck barnacles, was going slowly. She mentions her fear of going into the water, alone in the Southern Ocean, wearing only a tropical wetsuit, and her fear of sharks. It took her three tries, three separate days. At the end of one of the dives, she wrote that it took her 2 hrs. in her sleeping bag to warm up enough to stop shivering. I'm here to say that she's got a heck of a lot more gumption than me! She's certainly self sufficient at sea. It's an unusual set of skills...for anyone. An amusing sidebar is that her husband is also participating in this event, in his smaller boat. I have seen them together, and they seem quite happy with one another.

Ann

[Dan GB]

Originally Posted by gamayun

I'm quite a bit of an outlier so best not to hold up my history or experience as representative of women in general. As many others have said on here, good relationships take energy from both sides to maintain, and compromises are a necessary part. I meet a lot of super nice men who have become great friends over the years so they are out there and available. It's interesting that so few reach out to me on CF, but I do reach out to them when I find someone interesting. Actually, I reach out to many sailors including other couples and women because I enjoy meeting new people and taking them sailing. I rarely get involved with anyone romantically because I neither have the time nor the interest to put a lot of energy into sustaining a relationship at the moment and I certainly have no interest in compromising about the things I want to do in my life. Many men I get involved with also seem to be overly protective, which irks me to no end though it seems to be their expression of a caring individual. I'm sure my attitude will change in the future and when it does, I'll let ya'll know Oh, but I'll be looking for a rich young and buff renaissance man All joking aside, I do enjoy the discussions on this thread, especially from the married full-time cruising folks, because I like to know how people make this relationship thing work for themselves at sea.

I was just piqued by your "I need my man to be a fully self-aware and independently functioning adult. Now how hard can that be?"

Pretty hard I should think: "...fully self-aware..." is a killer requirement! I am glad you reduced it to the much more realistic "...rich young and buff renaissance man.". All power to you.

I think this thread is wildly entertaining, especially considering where it started and the meanderings it's done.

[john61ct]

>I need my man to be a fully self-aware and independently functioning adult. Now how hard can that be?

LOL

[john61ct]

Originally Posted by boatman61

Naah.. They have just twigged onto something Med women have known for centuries..
Marry an older financially secure guy for stability and then take a lover their own age..

Works well the other way round too. Trick these days is finding the "core partners" amenable to such arrangements so deceptions aren't required.

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by Dan GB

Pretty hard I should think: "...fully self-aware..." is a killer requirement!

Hmm, that comment piqued my interest so I looked into the term some and found this study that self-aware couples in long-term relationships are more satisfied. So maybe I'll skip buff and young and go back to my original criteria with the hope it's not as rare as you might think.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/a...ng-self-aware/

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by john61ct

>I need my man to be a fully self-aware and independently functioning adult. Now how hard can that be?

LOL

Laughing with me or at me, John??