Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[JPA Cate]

Among mammals species, only 3 to 4% mate for life. Among primates, only the Gibbons do.

I'm wondering if the ability among certain humans to mate for life (which can mean serial marriage, following death of a partner) is to some extent genetically determined. Some people experience sex as bonding, as well as sexual pleasure, but no reason to assume that is the same for everyone. ....It's a puzzle for sure.

Ann

[owly]

Originally Posted by CatNewBee

Do we really have a choice? Life is too short to complain. Just keep searching, there is a soul mate for everyone out there to be found - until you give up.

I guess, nowadays it is easier to keep searching...

I've not seen evidence to support that fantasy.

[john61ct]

Originally Posted by CatNewBee

Mariage was invented to protect and raise kids.

Actually not, more to protect lines of inheritance among the nobility / propertied classes.

Normal people historically did not bother, until organized religion started imposing stricter "rules", but that's just recently, few hundred years, and only some locations.

[john61ct]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

if the ability among certain humans to mate for life (which can mean serial marriage, following death of a partner) is to some extent genetically determined

No, but the propensity to avoid risks, and to obey mainstream social norms may well be.

[john61ct]

Originally Posted by daletournier

Hmmm..... doesn't this apply both ways? If a man chooses not to have kids then he really doesn't need a woman and the responsibilities that have often come with them.

As you said, it's a new world, but does this mean it's better? I'm not sure it is.

May partly depend on whether you believe we should organize our communities to drastically reduce our species' population over time.

[Olddan1943]

Originally Posted by CatNewBee

Well, that is ok, nature regulates itself.

Mariage was invented to protect and raise kids.

AND so when the husband dies, his estate goes to his wife.

It has been said, that is why priest are not permitted to marry. Rome wants to get selfishly rich and not have to give up the husband's estate to the widow.

[jpendoley]

Originally Posted by cyan

Tis not so cruel, love professed on a whim,

Nay, winds from warm hearts are warming indeed.

Endearing and longing, soft verbs of yours,

Breathe tropical whispers among men of need.



The sailor alone, a man and the sea,

Horizons be cruel if truth be told.

Gama and Joy enjoy sunrises unseen,

The rest of the blokes simply grow old.

Have been reading this thread forever, laughing, cringing and at times feeling quite moved- but that poetry was actually pretty good! And Gamayun snapped my head back when she noted her relationship with her boat has been longer than her relationships with partners, I could say the same!

[CatNewBee]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Yes, but the difference is that men were always more free to make this choice than a woman was. ...

Technically, I don't think so. No man can have kids without a woman - no choice here at all. A woman can. So the final choice pro or contra kids is almost always on the female's side.

In the opposite direction chances are equal - sterilization or protection / prevention. Both have equal opportunities.

[Olddan1943]

I made that decision when I was in my early 30s and consider it the best $300 I could spend. So many advantages.... never have to say "oops, sorry about that."
Alas, historically, some women would use the "I am pregnant with your child.", to which I would say, "Wanna bet?"

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by CatNewBee

Technically, I don't think so. No man can have kids without a woman - no choice here at all. A woman can. So the final choice pro or contra kids is almost always on the female's side.

In the opposite direction chances are equal - sterilization or protection / prevention. Both have equal opportunities.

Cat, I was more referring to the choice NOT to have kids. Birth control and abortion changed the economics of women (won't argue the religious factors associated with these options), which shifted the trajectory for women to go it alone if they so choose. Many men have walked away from a pregnancy and abandoned their children or chosen not to start a family at all, which alao benefits their economic potential, but that left the burden of the children on the mother (usually). The basis for having children in the first place was as cheap labor. As more women become more educated, as the Catholic Church has become less a factor in family decisions, and as more people are moving to the cities where there are more opportunites, birth rates continue to drop in many countries to the consternation of their governments who are now the ones that need those next generation of laborers. This is why I find restrictions on immigrants to be an interesting economic conundrum that has become so highly politicized around the world. The world's-a-changing (as usual) and it's freaking everyone out (ditto).

[owly]

I made the decision not to father children, when I was in my early teens. Seeing the destruction of the places I loved as a result of the ever increasing population convinced me that while I could not solve the problem, at least I didn't have to be a part of it.



That decision has stayed with me for all my adult life, and had the unfortunate effect that the women I cared enough about that I could have made a lifetime commitment to were not available to me as a result.

I'm not sure why the women I'm strongly attracted to and with whom I have a real spiritual as well as a physical attraction have always been women who wanted family....... perhaps opposites attract. I can't imagine getting in the middle of the train wreck that is a broken family...... I simply do not have the energy, though there are many single mothers I have been very close to.... as well as their children. I've always loved children and connected well with them, and they often listen to me and respect me when other adults have difficulty with them. Perhaps because I respect them and listen to them, and treat them as "real" people. That however has never shaken my resolve. I like happily married women.... double underline "happily".

The result has been mostly shallow relationships, though often of considerable duration...... two people who meet each other's immediate needs for companionship, mutual support and sex. I've made the mistake twice of getting involved with real "sex kittens".... "anything, anytime, anywhere"....They have been seriously damaged people, and it appears that they always are.

That leaves me at an age where the family thing is no longer an issue, but the baggage the pool of prospective partners are carrying around is often huge. I've led a life largely free of drama, and am ill equipped to deal with it..... The perfect partner may be out there for me... but I seriously doubt it, and am not expending effort in a search.


H.W.

[Boatguy30]

Someone's children are going need to keep this place going. Too much responsibility for some I guess

[john61ct]

Originally Posted by john61ct

May partly depend on whether you believe we should organize our communities to drastically reduce our species' population over time.

Some good news for once

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/health-46118103

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by owly

I'm not sure why the women I'm strongly attracted to and with whom I have a real spiritual as well as a physical attraction have always been women who wanted family....... perhaps opposites attract.

I feel for you HW. Most of the men I am attracted to seem to be narcissists. You'd think I'd spot them a mile away by now. So whatever it is (opposites, etc.) some of us are are just bent on repeating the pattern. Now my boat....I chose well the very first time. She's the only sailboat I've ever had, we fit together superbly, she never argues or steers me wrong. I am fully committed and have no intention of ever leaving her

[ImaginaryNumber]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

Among mammals species, only 3 to 4% mate for life. Among primates, only the Gibbons do.

I'm wondering if the ability among certain humans to mate for life (which can mean serial marriage, following death of a partner) is to some extent genetically determined. Some people experience sex as bonding, as well as sexual pleasure, but no reason to assume that is the same for everyone. ....It's a puzzle for sure.

Ann

Ann, there does appear to be some reason to think that our genetics predisposes us to marital fidelity or infidelity.

Infidelity Lurks in Your Genes

Genetics, fidelity, and marriage