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Old 03-02-2018, 06:54   #2131
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pirate Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

I think you lot need to read Ruby Wax...
How to be Human. The Manual.
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Old 03-02-2018, 07:17   #2132
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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I think you lot need to read Ruby Wax...
How to be Human. The Manual.
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:58   #2133
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Wifey B: All this bit about fixing and not fixing, my hubby is a fixer. Not just my problems, anyone's. We sit and someone starts talking about a problem, I can feel the wheels in his head turning. But then I start thinking as well, just not as overboard as him. Thing is he does fix problems. He did so in business and does so in personal. I just have to stop him and remind him he can do one at a time but can't fix the world.

I think he selects ok which ones. He doesn't try to fix mine as he knows I have them under control, but others who talk to us, he tries and he does. Funny thing was I was the more impulsive one but corrupted him and once I got him started, there's no stopping.
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Old 03-02-2018, 15:09   #2134
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Wifey B: All this bit about fixing and not fixing, my hubby is a fixer.
...
I think he selects ok which ones. He doesn't try to fix mine as he knows I have them under control, but others who talk to us, he tries and he does.
You just described a great guy but you may have missed the obvious: HubbyB is just plain wise. Lemme explain.

The original premise was that MOST guys have this natural response (like hubbyB) to offer logical fixing advice to the woman when she describes a problem. That is how we are wired. That is what GUYS expect to receive when presenting a problem to another GUY. In general, women do NOT want to hear this, no matter how logical- at least not when in response to the FIRST description of the problem, especially when emotion is included.

"He doesn't try to fix mine"
HubbyB is just plain wise.
Case closed.
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Old 03-02-2018, 16:41   #2135
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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You just described a great guy but you may have missed the obvious: HubbyB is just plain wise. Lemme explain.

The original premise was that MOST guys have this natural response (like hubbyB) to offer logical fixing advice to the woman when she describes a problem. That is how we are wired. That is what GUYS expect to receive when presenting a problem to another GUY. In general, women do NOT want to hear this, no matter how logical- at least not when in response to the FIRST description of the problem, especially when emotion is included.

"He doesn't try to fix mine"
HubbyB is just plain wise.
Case closed.
Exactly what I was thinking, and hence the nail-in-the-forehead video.

GUY logic (generally speaking):

1. She is upset/emotional. If me or one of my GUY friends was this upset/emotional, there'd be a serious problem causing it.

2. If I can identify & maybe even help resolve the problem, or at a minimum talk it though, then that would work to alleviate the upset/emotions, at least that's how it goes for me & my GUY friends.

3. WRONG!! It's no longer about the underlying problem, and all about the upset/emotions. So the GUY is only supposed to listen and not say too much. Not enough and he may be viewed as only pretending to listen & therefore not caring enough. Too much and he's more interested in the (no longer immediately relevant) underlying problem & not sufficiently interested in the upset/emotions.

I'm generalizing, of course, and sometimes it's reversed, but the scenario described seems to be true more often than not. It's no doubt important for the GUY to be sensitive to this, but it would also be nice if the GAL would take into account the good intentions, even if her GUY is a dolt!
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Old 03-02-2018, 17:42   #2136
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Nail in the forehead? Ohh FFS! For some reason, in my 20's, my male friends felt perfectly comfortable to swing by my apartment and have chats about their female relationships with me. Most of whom were close to me or at the very least a close acquaintance. Awkward in many ways! Since I already heard, or in the future would hear, the female side. I never divulged any information either side said to me. It always seemed to me they were both equal in their insecurities. I never viewed men or women's emotions different. They loved or not, they cared or not. My conversations with male friends weren't any different than those with women friends. Nail in the forehead video is an exaggerated, bias, stereo type of days passed. Yes we want you to listen to us the same as you expect us to listen to you. If anything the video describes a perspective of stupid unsympathetic males to female communication. I'd like to think we are beyond that now.
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Old 03-02-2018, 19:04   #2137
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Yes we want you to listen to us the same as you expect us to listen to you.
Um, no. Therein lies the trap. This type of feel-good fallacy fills the heads of younger guys who took bad advice from their sisters. It sounds so modern and lovely and helpful...and then leaves the guy confused and alone.
It's okay that the genders are different. No, really.
(BUT!! +1 on the "FFS")
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Old 03-02-2018, 20:01   #2138
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Fresh coffee and brushed teeth .. really guys, there's no excuse to ignore dental hygeine just because you're on a boat
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Old 03-02-2018, 20:11   #2139
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Fresh coffee and brushed teeth .. really guys, there's no excuse to ignore dental hygeine just because you're on a boat
Now we are getting down to the Nitty Gritty.

What are the ladies opinions on bushy beards.

https://goo.gl/images/62vH1p

https://goo.gl/images/muXM3V
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Old 03-02-2018, 21:52   #2140
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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* * *

It always seemed to me they were both equal in their insecurities.

We again go back to what "equal" means. Both insecure? Yes. Same type of insecurities? Doubtful.

I never viewed men or women's emotions different.

Our personal views may not always comport with reality.

They loved or not, they cared or not.

True, obviously. But what we've been discussing is more about how each gender tends to demonstrate that love & caring. Not so obvious.

My conversations with male friends weren't any different than those with women friends. Nail in the forehead video is an exaggerated, bias, stereo type of days passed.

Again, quite obvious that it's an exaggeration and a stereotype, but if it was biased it wouldn't have a degree of truth. Different methods of thinking through problems have little to do with cultural norms or modern trends, so relegating it to a previous era seems inapplicable.

Yes we want you to listen to us the same as you expect us to listen to you. If anything the video describes a perspective of stupid unsympathetic males to female communication. I'd like to think we are beyond that now.
Approaching problems differently doesn't mean people are unequal. Just different. I think you missed the point of the video, namely that what seems like an obvious solution to one partner only confounds the other. I'm sure it would be easy enough to reverse roles and use an example of stereotypical, maybe exaggerated male thought processes that look equally ridiculous. I fail to see why any such examples should offend.
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Old 03-02-2018, 22:28   #2141
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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"He doesn't try to fix mine"
HubbyB is just plain wise.
Case closed.
Wifey B: He fixes things for our girl friends and they are happy he does. I'm just pretty much problem free.
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Old 04-02-2018, 00:37   #2142
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Wifey B: He fixes things for our girl friends and they are happy he does. I'm just pretty much problem free.
It would be bad form to explain unintentional humor.

Gonna stick with: hubbyB is wise.
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Old 04-02-2018, 02:52   #2143
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Now we are getting down to the Nitty Gritty.

What are the ladies opinions on bushy beards.

https://goo.gl/images/62vH1p

https://goo.gl/images/muXM3V
They are giving a covert message and it's not to women.
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Old 04-02-2018, 03:08   #2144
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pirate Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

After 143 pages of this I've come to the conclusion that American men are wired differently to Europeans..
Here's an example.. and happens to be the reason I quit Facebook..
A picture appeared on my wall one day of two women.. one 'Getting on down and having fun.. the other posing in a white trouser suit..
The Caption read
'The difference between a Ferrari and a Dump Truck...!!!'
I reposted it with the declaration.. "I like Dump Trucks"
The women were Melania Trump and Michelle Obama..
I copped for an immense amount of abuse and accusations of racism, one guy even started waving his trophy black girlfriend at me..
Question..!!!
Would a picture of Hillary Clinton and Naiomi Campbell under the same caption be racist..???
Assuming you know who Naiomi Campbell is.
My European friends saw it for what it was.. a posers trophy female vs a fun, happy to go anywhere female.. each attractive in their own way.
But in America opinions are too screwed and polarised.. lets face it.. look at all the "If she won't sail dump her" posts that appear.. and the amount of guys who cannot understand why buying that boat does not land them their Joan Wilder.


PS.. second picture choice would be The Ferrari.. Naiomi's a lot of fun.
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Old 04-02-2018, 04:07   #2145
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Race is the #1 divide and conquer strategy in the imaginary land of the free.
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