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Old 21-01-2018, 07:51   #1846
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

OK guys.
Lets move away from the sexual aspects of intimacy.
Consider it a polite request...
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Old 21-01-2018, 07:51   #1847
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And reports of male and females dying during and after orgasms so, why chance it?
Like sailing.. they died doing something they loved.
Moral.. dont let her hubby or father catch you at it.
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Old 21-01-2018, 07:52   #1848
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OK guys.
Lets move away from the sexual aspects of intimacy.
Consider it a polite request...
Okay.. Mills and Boon it is..
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Old 21-01-2018, 07:54   #1849
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Okay.. Mills and Boon it is..
Its Cruisers Forum thats what it is...
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Old 21-01-2018, 09:16   #1850
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

I will say this. The times I was single, while occasionally lonely, were some of the most productive times of my life. You get a lot done when the only person you have to tend to is yourself.
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Old 21-01-2018, 10:51   #1851
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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OK, I read it and his response. The sexual details are extremely awkward. What was the point of that? We can never know the full story, but a few things in the article stand out to me, which the author should have discussed in more detail. First, their age difference (22 versus 34) was barely a footnote, but this does influence how she might have reacted to his aggression. She also says she used "verbal and non-verbal cues." By definition, a cue is a signal -- not an actual demand to stop. From her telling, it sounds as if he was being sexually aggressive and she didn't know how to leave when she first started feeling uncomfortable.

The most telling part to me is when she says, "I was debating if this was an awkward sexual experience or sexual assault. And thatís why I confronted so many of my friends and listened to what they had to say, because I wanted validation that it was actually bad.Ē Yes, it was bad. It was a bad sexual encounter. She has every right to be upset and to want to be validated in those feelings. He sounds like a real jerk. But, was it a crime or sexual harassment? It was not in my opinion, which has also been formed by direct experience because I was in her shoes at about the same age and in a story that was nearly identical to hers word for word. It sticks with a person for life, and not in a good way because it's extremely shameful. Calling men out for this behavior is a good thing because they are in the wrong when they are so clueless to another's discomfort. However, "Grace" will likely become stronger/more assertive because of it in the long run.
Thanks for your thoughtful response, Gamayun. Extremely awkward details indeed, in fact very uncomfortable if not disturbing for me to read frankly. No need to repeat here per Doc Weav's request.

I couldn't agree more that "Grace" should have been more assertive with what she described as her protests, and should have gotten out of there much sooner. I also agree that the disparity in age could likely have played a role, especially her relative youth that is. But I would also add the guy's celebrity status & star popularity as a big factor. Perhaps it was harder for her to be assertive given who this guy was, especially when he had recently been very publicly speaking out about the Harvey W./Hollywood/politico sexual harassment scandals, and supporting the #Metoo movement.

In fact, Ansari's Wiki ascribes him as "self-identifying as a feminist," and saying the following in an interview a few years back:

"What I've learned, as a guy, is to just ask women questions and listen to what they have to say. Go to your group of female friends and ask them about times they've experienced sexism at their job, and you'll get blown away by the things they tell you."

So in my mind anyway, and assuming "Grace's" description of events is true of course, my only quibble with your analysis is when you suggest that Ansari may have been "clueless to another's discomfort." I, for one, am left with the impression that whether or not this guy was aware of Grace's discomfort that he simply didn't care, and was only concerned with his own gratification. What I found particularly compelling was her description of the "pause" in the encounter, i.e. when she communicated her discomfort to him & they stopped & watched TV, only to have him then resume the exact same behavior she had recently been protesting. (Again, according only to her description). For me anyway, this pretty much rules out any defense on his part of a misunderstanding, or that the entire encounter was strictly consensual.

P.S. What an interesting & unusual family & personal background you have! How many can say one of our parents was a professional trapeze artist?! But then I shouldn't be surprised that amongst a group of people choosing non-mainstream lifestyles there would be a higher number of non-mainstream family backgrounds.
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Old 21-01-2018, 11:58   #1852
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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OK guys.
Lets move away from the sexual aspects of intimacy.
Consider it a polite request...
Totally agree. Ummm, does that include innuendo? Apologies if one of my posts was offensive. Consenting adults decide what happens during intimacy. Unfortunately, the web allows this barrier to be breached quite easily.

Allow me to post this link below that would be great if all men were to read it and understand women better as well as the notion of "consent." You can also Google "CNN how to date in 2018." It's mostly women's voices talking about dating in 2018 and the distinctions between what that entails and what sexual harassment or even date rape mean. The differences to me are control and intimidation over another person.

How to date in 2018 (opinion) - CNN
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Old 21-01-2018, 12:12   #1853
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But,, but..!!! its CNN.. is it real.. or fake.
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Old 21-01-2018, 12:14   #1854
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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But,, but..!!! its CNN.. is it real.. or fake.
It's opinion.

Don't get me started on fake news....
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Old 21-01-2018, 12:34   #1855
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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OK guys.
Lets move away from the sexual aspects of intimacy.
Consider it a polite request...
If I have offended any lady, I am sorry. Otherwise, have patience. I will screw up in the future.
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Old 21-01-2018, 12:36   #1856
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Back to couples therapy; if your music tastes don't match, you're doomed.

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Old 21-01-2018, 13:11   #1857
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Guys. Im not upset with anyone. Its just so some folk do not have restraint to leave the sexual element alone. It would be a shame to lose the thread, so the advice was to continue in the pleasant and sometimes amusing manner the discussion has taken.

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Old 21-01-2018, 13:12   #1858
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Back to couples therapy; if your music tastes don't match, you're doomed.

goat
Goat, my LAST ex-wife lied a lot when we were dating. After we married, things changed and not in my favor. LOL
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Old 21-01-2018, 13:28   #1859
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Guys. Im not upset with anyone. Its just so some folk do not have restraint to leave the sexual element alone. It would be a shame to lose the thread, so the advice was to continue in the pleasant and sometimes amusing manner the discussion has taken.

Wifey B: Keep it PG 13.

We use the movie ratings for our back yard and pool area depending on the expected guests and have small lights at the entrance which our family and friends are familiar with. May sound silly, but respectful of whether there are kids or even adults who might be offended when we wouldn't want to offend them. It's just good manners. This afternoon the yellow light is on. Might change to green later....
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Old 21-01-2018, 13:33   #1860
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Goat, my LAST ex-wife lied a lot when we were dating. After we married, things changed and not in my favor. LOL
Your last ex-wife? How many do you have? I'm looking forward to meeting my next ex.

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