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Old 20-01-2018, 00:15   #1786
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weavis View Post
This is mine...

Hmmm. That looks comfy and spacious. We should talk

It's been a busy day then went out with friends this evening and had some drinks so this is going to be TMI, but you all "want an honest look," so here's my thinking on this though I'm probably an outlier from the typical female. In an earlier life, I would have probably bought a ticket to Spain, looked up Weavis, rapped on his hatch, and said "hey there, want company?" Not that I'm the sleeping-around type, because I'm perfectly content in platonic male/female relationships, but I was (still am) always up for an adventure or a challenge and I enjoy the unknowns. Now that I am older and wiser (ahem), I am still up for meeting someone new, but if it's for a possible intimate relationship, I tend to shut them down so much more quickly than before, and that's such a painful process for me. I know in my heart that this might be judging my past experiences with future potentials, but it truly is uncomfortable for me to say, Sorry, I Reject You. How do people do that?! Some of you might say this is really just because I'm scared of commitment or of getting hurt, but I don't think so. Neither one of these concerns me. I actually do hate and try to avoid like hell hurting another person's feelings, so I avoid it, especially if the risks are too great. And this is where the "lists" or whatever you call them come in...yes, even the guys have lists. Let's take Weavis, again, for example. Just meeting him would be a herculean leap of faith. My first thoughts are that, yeah, he sure seems like a nice guy, but then the second thought is based on many years of online dating experience that we may not be in the least bit attracted to each other. Then, you have to consider costs. Spain is probably an $800-$1000 plane ticket. Those are serious boat bucks! Next up is if each person has their own life to return to then it becomes near impossible to sustain a long distance relationship on different continents. You basically become pen pals, which can be fun, but that's not really sustainable. So let's just imagine that I got through all those logistical issues. This is the part where it gets really deep, because I will ask myself, "do I need the disruption and chaos that will happen to create this relationship when my life is already so full?" Cause, you know, one become two is always a bit chaotic, right? I think many of us do this risk factor calculation in our heads even if we don't realize we're actually doing it. It is when we determine whether the benefits outweigh the costs. Based on the above hypothetical, I can easily do this and say, "nope, aint going to happen." And I go back to watching TV

So what does it honestly take to find someone? I think it comes down to whether you are willing to compromise (i.e., move to a different area, get another boat/sell the one you got, shave your Santa beard on occasion, wear shoes, become a land lubber on occasion, leave your job, get sober, clean up your baggage, whatever) and also whether you are willing to settle for a person who is not your "ideal." At each step, you'll do this cost/benefit analysis (consciously or not) and determine whether it's worth it or not. If you want it bad enough, then one of these days, you'll say yes. Otherwise, you stay single a little longer and go back to watching TV and living life as you know it. It's really quite that simple. We just tend to overthink it at times....
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Old 20-01-2018, 00:21   #1787
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
Hmmm. That looks comfy and spacious. We should talk

It's been a busy day then went out with friends this evening and had some drinks so this is going to be TMI, but you all "want an honest look," so here's my thinking on this though I'm probably an outlier from the typical female. In an earlier life, I would have probably bought a ticket to Spain, looked up Weavis, rapped on his hatch, and said "hey there, want company?" Not that I'm the sleeping-around type, because I'm perfectly content in platonic male/female relationships, but I was (still am) always up for an adventure or a challenge and I enjoy the unknowns. Now that I am older and wiser (ahem), I am still up for meeting someone new, but if it's for a possible intimate relationship, I tend to shut them down so much more quickly than before, and that's such a painful process for me. I know in my heart that this might be judging my past experiences with future potentials, but it truly is uncomfortable for me to say, Sorry, I Reject You. How do people do that?! Some of you might say this is really just because I'm scared of commitment or of getting hurt, but I don't think so. Neither one of these concerns me. I actually do hate and try to avoid like hell hurting another person's feelings, so I avoid it, especially if the risks are too great. And this is where the "lists" or whatever you call them come in...yes, even the guys have lists. Let's take Weavis, again, for example. Just meeting him would be a herculean leap of faith. My first thoughts are that, yeah, he sure seems like a nice guy, but then the second thought is based on many years of online dating experience that we may not be in the least bit attracted to each other. Then, you have to consider costs. Spain is probably an $800-$1000 plane ticket. Those are serious boat bucks! Next up is if each person has their own life to return to then it becomes near impossible to sustain a long distance relationship on different continents. You basically become pen pals, which can be fun, but that's not really sustainable. So let's just imagine that I got through all those logistical issues. This is the part where it gets really deep, because I will ask myself, "do I need the disruption and chaos that will happen to create this relationship when my life is already so full?" Cause, you know, one become two is always a bit chaotic, right? I think many of us do this risk factor calculation in our heads even if we don't realize we're actually doing it. It is when we determine whether the benefits outweigh the costs. Based on the above hypothetical, I can easily do this and say, "nope, aint going to happen." And I go back to watching TV

So what does it honestly take to find someone? I think it comes down to whether you are willing to compromise (i.e., move to a different area, get another boat/sell the one you got, shave your Santa beard on occasion, wear shoes, become a land lubber on occasion, leave your job, get sober, clean up your baggage, whatever) and also whether you are willing to settle for a person who is not your "ideal." At each step, you'll do this cost/benefit analysis (consciously or not) and determine whether it's worth it or not. If you want it bad enough, then one of these days, you'll say yes. Otherwise, you stay single a little longer and go back to watching TV and living life as you know it. It's really quite that simple. We just tend to overthink it at times....
hahahahahahahaaha.
Oh man you have my thoughts on the subject too.

I have spent thousands traveling in the past.

A wise old fella, now parted from life once told me " Do you know the secret to marriage?" I said no,,,, as I would... he said " location-she is there, you are there-you got married."

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Old 20-01-2018, 00:48   #1788
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

However, I will be in Hong Kong from 9th March till 21st.




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Old 20-01-2018, 01:20   #1789
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weavis View Post
However, I will be in Hong Kong from 9th March till 21st.
Ewww, whaat? Didn't you say you were meeting 3 or 4 women (exes?) while you were going to be in Hong Kong? That's just damn impressive to take on any more!
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Old 20-01-2018, 02:00   #1790
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
Ewww, whaat? Didn't you say you were meeting 3 or 4 women (exes?) while you were going to be in Hong Kong? That's just damn impressive to take on any more!
Why thank you!!
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Old 20-01-2018, 02:04   #1791
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
Ewww, whaat? Didn't you say you were meeting 3 or 4 women (exes?) while you were going to be in Hong Kong? That's just damn impressive to take on any more!
It was one ex and friends...for the record...
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Old 20-01-2018, 04:02   #1792
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Spent a week in HK over the Holiday's.... Probably the worst hotel value and service in the world these days
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Old 20-01-2018, 04:03   #1793
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
Spent a week in HK over the Holiday's.... Probably the worst hotel value and service in the world these days
You havent been to Spain.....
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Old 20-01-2018, 04:04   #1794
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
Spent a week in HK over the Holiday's.... Probably the worst hotel value and service in the world these days
Im only paying $65 a night... Lots of amenities..
I usually go to Singapore which I find excellent...
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Old 20-01-2018, 04:16   #1795
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weavis View Post
However, I will be in Hong Kong from 9th March till 21st.




Looks like you're on the Kowloon side. I have three 2 day layovers in HKG in March...Renaissance Harbour View in Wanchai where the Convention Centre is. Fortieth floor waterfront view executive lounge privileges if you are interested in afternoon tea or happy hour. On me of course.
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Old 20-01-2018, 04:42   #1796
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pirate Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Treat a lady like a hooker and a hooker like a lady.. expect everything and expect nothing..
I've found that things happen when I am not 'looking'.. not having that wild eyed stare and drooling seems to help..
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Old 20-01-2018, 04:51   #1797
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Originally Posted by Saleen411 View Post
Looks like you're on the Kowloon side. I have three 2 day layovers in HKG in March...Renaissance Harbour View in Wanchai where the Convention Centre is. Fortieth floor waterfront view executive lounge privileges if you are interested in afternoon tea or happy hour. On me of course.
That is very kind. I am teaching in the medical centre from the 10th until 14th inc. I have no idea of Schedule until they deem to get it to me..

Im thinking of moving to the Island for the second week. I need to see what the budget allowance is....
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10% of conflicts are due to different opinions. 90% by the tone of voice.
Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.
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Old 20-01-2018, 05:45   #1798
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by boatman61 View Post
Treat a lady like a hooker and a hooker like a lady.. expect everything and expect nothing..
I've found that things happen when I am not 'looking'.. not having that wild eyed stare and drooling seems to help..
Boatie is giving you guys real good advice here...

most of my years, i never felt pretty or beautiful or attractive or anything close to that ... then i got on a sailboat!
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Old 20-01-2018, 06:10   #1799
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
Hmmm. That looks comfy and spacious. We should talk

It's been a busy day then went out with friends this evening and had some drinks so this is going to be TMI, but you all "want an honest look," so here's my thinking on this though I'm probably an outlier from the typical female. In an earlier life, I would have probably bought a ticket to Spain, looked up Weavis, rapped on his hatch, and said "hey there, want company?" Not that I'm the sleeping-around type, because I'm perfectly content in platonic male/female relationships, but I was (still am) always up for an adventure or a challenge and I enjoy the unknowns. Now that I am older and wiser (ahem), I am still up for meeting someone new, but if it's for a possible intimate relationship, I tend to shut them down so much more quickly than before, and that's such a painful process for me. I know in my heart that this might be judging my past experiences with future potentials, but it truly is uncomfortable for me to say, Sorry, I Reject You. How do people do that?! Some of you might say this is really just because I'm scared of commitment or of getting hurt, but I don't think so. Neither one of these concerns me. I actually do hate and try to avoid like hell hurting another person's feelings, so I avoid it, especially if the risks are too great. And this is where the "lists" or whatever you call them come in...yes, even the guys have lists. Let's take Weavis, again, for example. Just meeting him would be a herculean leap of faith. My first thoughts are that, yeah, he sure seems like a nice guy, but then the second thought is based on many years of online dating experience that we may not be in the least bit attracted to each other. Then, you have to consider costs. Spain is probably an $800-$1000 plane ticket. Those are serious boat bucks! Next up is if each person has their own life to return to then it becomes near impossible to sustain a long distance relationship on different continents. You basically become pen pals, which can be fun, but that's not really sustainable. So let's just imagine that I got through all those logistical issues. This is the part where it gets really deep, because I will ask myself, "do I need the disruption and chaos that will happen to create this relationship when my life is already so full?" Cause, you know, one become two is always a bit chaotic, right? I think many of us do this risk factor calculation in our heads even if we don't realize we're actually doing it. It is when we determine whether the benefits outweigh the costs. Based on the above hypothetical, I can easily do this and say, "nope, aint going to happen." And I go back to watching TV

So what does it honestly take to find someone? I think it comes down to whether you are willing to compromise (i.e., move to a different area, get another boat/sell the one you got, shave your Santa beard on occasion, wear shoes, become a land lubber on occasion, leave your job, get sober, clean up your baggage, whatever) and also whether you are willing to settle for a person who is not your "ideal." At each step, you'll do this cost/benefit analysis (consciously or not) and determine whether it's worth it or not. If you want it bad enough, then one of these days, you'll say yes. Otherwise, you stay single a little longer and go back to watching TV and living life as you know it. It's really quite that simple. We just tend to overthink it at times....



Wah, girl! geez we'd best get together and chat! there's a whole lot in common here. you spell it out well (is that what TMI is? the ability to easily divulge under influence? i'm a light-weight, myself!)

where we definitely diverge: i do not do TV (have been boycotting since i was 17 as a part of my extremely-late-boomer-adolescence crisis. gave up soft drinks, junk food, fast food and all that garbage the same year. then i left to travel on my own... best thing i ever did!) AND the part where you say, that is not because you cannot trust again.

i'll admit that i've got a problem with this one... my big disappointment left me fried (he got killed in tragic accident). Took me eighteen years to get to the point where i fully realized that i was alone... not that i'm an idiot as much as how it all happened left me feeling indirectly responsible. talk about not ever wanting to hurt someone again...

i was thinking about it earlier, why would i want to ever find someone one day and the answer was clear: it has to do with location, location, location... affectionate people need to give and receive affection, intimacy happens in person, those who enjoy teamwork, like to be in a team, those who cannot cook so well, can always varnish and not end up malnourished... unless they've got that handy-dandy IP!

and this need for location points right back to the reasons you mentioned for which doing the pen pal thing or traveling half way over the planet every so often doesn't cut it (and can be draining).

location, that's what buddy boating is all about... being in the same place and sharing. of course, it is about twice as expensive... BUT to never be homeless, left at the dock, or having to start over again after casting the ashes, all this comes at a cost
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Old 20-01-2018, 06:24   #1800
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
Hmmm. That looks comfy and spacious. We should talk


Ok... its not mine... Mine is smaller.

Weird. When I wrote that I felt a wave of diminished masculinity.

It amazes me that anyone in this day and age can find common ground...

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