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Old 18-01-2018, 23:46   #1756
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
Ha, ha! I can see having more than one IP on a boat, but getting rid of of one of the boats....? One of us would have to break first (Oh, and it would not be me)
I guess you dont like catamarans either....

I had a Freedom in the 80's... the mast thing was crazy...
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Old 18-01-2018, 23:46   #1757
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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I find it odd that one of the most prevalent assumptions I encounter is that the only way to be happy is to be hooked up with a partner, and more often than not that means marriage. I have no doubt it's well-intended, but the idea of someone "not looking" seems incredulous to many.
I can honestly say some of the happiness moments to date have been while I'm single. Content.
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Old 18-01-2018, 23:51   #1758
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Very cute! I must remember this one.

As to the deep-down, deep-seated need for every human being to spoon with another or that the only enjoyment in life is when it's seen with another, I think I need to call BS on that. As humans, we do need those things that all animals have a need for, which we define as: love, comfort, protection. But these attributes can be fulfilled in many ways that don't have anything to do with coupling. Just as some people can lead fulfilled lives with many close companions and activities, yet without a mate; some need that "one" because that's our cultural upbringing. That's what seems "normal." And so we tell others, "Go Find The One" or else you won't be happy. Blah. Don't get me wrong. I think it's a beautiful thing when it happens and I love that others seem to have found the true romance and kept it intact, but we do a great disservice to many (most?) others who don't find (or want to even look for) The One for whatever reason. We need to start accepting that happiness, loneliness, satisfaction, anger, hope, hate, love, enjoyment, pleasure, beauty, are all subjective states of mind that -- though they can be highly influenced by others in our sphere -- are not dependent on another person. I am single and living aboard; I sail frequently and have a calendar full of activities; I have amazing friends and colleagues; I am constantly challenged by new projects and some high risk endeavors that keep life exciting; when I want to share an experience, there is always Facebook! Trust me when I say, I am most often by myself and I am never lonely. Besides, I got all you odd and funny guys and gals to keep me happy
Why is so hard for some to understand? Because it doesn't fit the norm?

Heaven or hell exists, single or coupled.
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Old 19-01-2018, 00:15   #1759
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Pelagic, maybe. I think it is related to making long passages, where you learn to wake up for changes. The part of you that wakes you up for 5 kn. different in wind strength, or the waves start coming from a different direction, and the sound on the hull's different. I guess I'm saying that our rouseability is different from land dwellers. And, perhaps, for someone whose sleep patterns were trained to be rouseable for other causes, would fit in well with the old salts.

Living aboard, on the hook, our sleeping times are largely governed by available light (we waken earlier on long summer days), and conserving electricity (early to bed). But the transition to watch schedules comes pretty easily, and at least for me, it is to do with rousability.

Ann
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Old 19-01-2018, 00:27   #1760
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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This got me to thinking if we sailors naturaly develop a different sleep pattern than shore based people, or is it just me?
I once designed a shore bed that moved around like a boat at anchor. The deep sleep of the sea movement is something hard to achieve on land. Maybe it's womb-like?
In the end, it was better just to sleep on the boat.
Anyone wanna buy a bed frame that silently emulates boat motion with fancy voice coil actuators? (note- it uses too much power to be practical)
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Old 19-01-2018, 00:43   #1761
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Why is so hard for some to understand? Because it doesn't fit the norm?

Heaven or hell exists, single or coupled.
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears the beat of a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
Henry David Thoreau: Walden
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Old 19-01-2018, 00:43   #1762
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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...
I can't help but start counting the hours when guests/friends will leave, even though I am enjoying their visit.
...
Not to detract from the roundtable, but i couldn't help it

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Old 19-01-2018, 00:47   #1763
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Originally Posted by JPA Cate View Post
.

.... I guess I'm saying that our rouseability is different from land dwellers. And, perhaps, for someone whose sleep patterns were trained to be rouseable for other causes, would fit in well with the old salts.

Living aboard, on the hook, our sleeping times are largely governed by available light (we waken earlier on long summer days), and conserving electricity (early to bed).

Ann
Hi Ann, I understand and agree with what you say, but from the beginning of college days to now, years after I retired from operations as a captain, I cannot sleep for more than 3 hrs, which can see me thru the next 30hrs if busy.

I put myself thru school semesters working graveyard shifts at a plywood factory.
Short sleep from 9 to 10:30 then classes from 1 to 4pm
Main Sleep 7pm to 10pm before starting work at midnight.

Did that for many years, then when I went to Sea professionally, similar maximum sleep pattern of 3hrs.

Did all my Administration work at night and stood my own 8-12 watches underway

I learned to put myself to sleep very quickly and wake up alert, except if disturbed during a REM stage.


It took my partner a while to adjust, as she first thought something was bothering me when I would disappear after 3hrs in bed.

Maybe Gamayun is right!
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Old 19-01-2018, 00:50   #1764
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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I am often asked what does "not looking" mean?

Firstly, looking is about actively being engaged in searching out a partner. If I 'needed' for example, a car, I would go looking for one. There is a purposeful inquiry to find a vehicle and I have list of functions that I want. Im not looking...

Ive been married. I really enjoyed it. Truth be told, that home base, that coming home to someone, the sharing and warmth was perhaps the best comfort in my life. Yet as with all things if you dont have the ability to appreciate it enough for the other person, through youth and ignorance.. it will wither and die.

I have been divorced a long time. Had the opportunity to further my career, learn from my mistakes, dated a few women here and there and had a love a couple of times, and yet..... I learned to trust my inner warning detector when the flags went up. It didnt have to be anything wrong with the person, it was circumstances and what the future would hold if I stayed.

One beautiful and lovely person loved horses. We had a strong relationship. I just could not see myself living on a farm with horses... I tried, I really did. In the end it was a sad parting of the ways, but for the best.

I enjoy doing things on my own, or maybe Ive got used to it. People get on my nerves after a while. Everyone I see in my working life is dependent on me. They are sick and need care. I work sometimes 17 hours a day when the need is there.

So while I am "not looking", it doesnt mean Im averse to a marriage. It simply means Im open to examining the potential if it is presented, however, Im not actively seeking it.

If its going to be a fight from the get go, people established in their own lives and hobbies, families etc... I just nod and enjoy the moment. One relationship here that NEVER started was because the person had 3 children and grandchildren and the life revolved around them. I told her upfront after a few dinner dates and social events... she appreciated it, was disappointed and a little sad but knew it was for the best.

Am I selfish? I think to embark on a life with someone and ignore the reality of her situation and thusly what would become yours is selfish.

There is nothing a woman has that I want except the love that can be shared. If I feel her life could be enhanced by a relationship with me, and she feels the same, I might be tempted to explore further. If she is actively engaged in something that takes all her time and is passionate about it, and there is no room for me.... then there is no room for me in her life.

I try not to let past mistakes and experience colour my life. I keep busy. I would prefer to share but take what is.

I dont expect. I do what I do and enjoy it. A relationship is a choice, a commitment is a life altering experience. Gotta lessen the odds for a failure as much as possible.

I have my I.P. I have a friends with boats, I have my own. Im going to Hong Kong soon... A wife would be an enhancement, not the thing required to enjoy it.. It would be a completion of a life, not the main event.
very concise! excellent w! those who are in need of these wisdoms won't heed it though, I'm afraid...
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Old 19-01-2018, 03:27   #1765
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Ann, excuse me...you spoke of "rouseability".....that would Penelope Cruz for me....
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Old 19-01-2018, 08:48   #1766
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

James Blunt, different voice, amazing feel and heartfelt lyrics.

One for the ladies. (For the men too but we say nothing..)

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Old 19-01-2018, 09:37   #1767
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
Ha, ha! I can see having more than one IP on a boat, but getting rid of of one of the boats....? One of us would have to break first (Oh, and it would not be me)
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Originally Posted by weavis View Post
You were SO close.... sigh.
Why get rid of one of the boats and mess up a potentially good thing? In fact, this could be the ideal partner arrangement we've been struggling to figure out. Plenty of alone time while underway, with coupling up time as desired at the next anchorage. Someone gets annoyed and it's only a short dinghy ride away to resolution! All yelling that one or the other feels is necessary from time to time could be done over a suitable channel on the VHF! Brilliant idea Gamayun!!
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Old 19-01-2018, 09:40   #1768
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Why is so hard for some to understand? Because it doesn't fit the norm?
Yes. I think that's mainly it, especially when it often comes from people who you know are not happy in their marriages.
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Old 19-01-2018, 09:46   #1769
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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James Blunt, different voice, amazing feel and heartfelt lyrics.

One for the ladies. (For the men too but we say nothing..)

Thanks Weavis.... I am a fan but I found the associated interview both interesting and strange.

https://youtu.be/djL7k1mrCO4
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Old 19-01-2018, 09:50   #1770
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Not the only way to enjoy life, per se, but I have seen some posts that said something like, "the experiences are so much better when there's someone else to enjoy them with." I would argue that the experiences are the same either way. What is happening, is that people who are by unhappily by themselves might DECREASE the value of these experiences when they don't have someone to share them with - that's understandable -- but not everyone has a need to do this. There are many moments, often when I am on my boat solo, that seem more powerful than when there's another person. I absolutely do enjoy the company of others on my boat and take friends/family out all the time, but perhaps I am more focused on them rather than the experience because it doesn't "feel" the same to me. Or maybe it is because I am most happy when absolutely unencumbered by anything/anyone else. Or is that the same answer
I believe it was Mark Twain who said "with a friend your good times are doubled, and your bad times are cut in half".
He is not explicit as to what a "friend" is. At what point does a friend become a companion? Is a friend and a companion the same thing? Is it possible to have a friend and companion without sex, finances and/or other expectation getting into it ( from either side).
In collage I was the one that had the shoulder to cry on. The other guys had the "fun?", I got the tears and friendship. I have always gotten along better with women then guys. Once the gals get used to my sense of hummer and realize I am not coming on to them, a type of trust sets in, and we get along fine. But I have found it to be very difficult to get to this point. We all seem to be carrying so much baggage (land mines).
I just turned 77 last month. For two years I have been searching for 1-4 sweet young things (anyone younger than 75) that know how to sail and that will sail with me/us. I consider myself to be "mucho macho" and yet reluctant (chicken ) to single hand the boat. Every time my Son, Wife and I go out, we run into situations that make it very difficult for me to think I could safely handle the boat. It is very difficult to feel as if you are having fun when you are peeping in your pampers.
Now I will get cussed out for taking this tread in another direction.?
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