Cruisers Forum
 


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 09-01-2018, 18:16   #1576
cruiser

Join Date: Jan 2017
Boat: Retired from CF
Posts: 13,304
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Group9 View Post
we noticed that at Thanksgiving. seven nieces and nephews, from eighteen to twenty two. Not one girlfriend or boyfriend in the bunch. They're different than us and how we were at that age. For better or worse.
None were game enough to subject any of their recent multi-racial non-CIS gendered hookups to the torture of a big family dinner.
john61ct is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 18:24   #1577
Moderator
 
weavis's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK-Mallorca
Posts: 13,278
Send a message via Skype™ to weavis
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Yeah but....
Which is the best airfryer?

I wouldnt care but Im serious.... been looking on line for 3 hours...

__________________
- Never test how deep the water is with both feet -
10% of conflicts are due to different opinions. 90% by the tone of voice.
Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.
weavis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 18:40   #1578
Registered User
 
Gadagirl's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 760
Send a message via Skype™ to Gadagirl
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Also I have to state my own observations. Yes, there are women in the world that care only for your money or status or appearance, and yes there are men in the world that want younger, beautiful women. That would be the jackpot right? However, none of us are capable of controlling any one else's desires. Accept the fact that with certain people you will never be on their radar and never be considered for a partnership with them. Instead of continuing to rail against the fact that preferences are as they are, accept them as they are instead. The anger is only debilitating to yourself, you will never persuade, or seem attractive to anyone by angrily lashing out at natural tendencies. Better to happily live your own day each day.
__________________
Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. - Eckhart Tolle
Gadagirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 18:48   #1579
Moderator
 
weavis's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK-Mallorca
Posts: 13,278
Send a message via Skype™ to weavis
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gadagirl View Post
Also I have to state my own observations. Yes, there are women in the world that care only for your money or status or appearance, and yes there are men in the world that want younger, beautiful women. That would be the jackpot right? However, none of us are capable of controlling any one else's desires. Accept the fact that with certain people you will never be on their radar and never be considered for a partnership with them. Instead of continuing to rail against the fact that preferences are as they are, accept them as they are instead. The anger is only debilitating to yourself, you will never persuade, or seem attractive to anyone by angrily lashing out at natural tendencies. Better to happily live your own day each day.
Oh man... Single men Living Aboard and cruising... an honest look.

Can a single man not get an airfryer? Cutting down on the oil to help with a better diet?

Im thinking an airfryer might be a great attraction for romance....

No?

Going out on a limb here and getting the Philips....

Its 1400 watts. The 2k Honda generator will handle it easy peasy...
__________________
- Never test how deep the water is with both feet -
10% of conflicts are due to different opinions. 90% by the tone of voice.
Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.
weavis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 19:02   #1580
Registered User

Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 1,038
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

The single male OP started this whole crazy ride with the story of his project boat- a catamaran that was not yet suitable to entertain a lady-guest. His concern was that he would grow so old before finishing it, that he would then no longer be able to attract the same type of young female he was currently able to. He was, in fact, so concerned with this, he was considering aborting the project boat and building an RV out of a box truck instead.

Our project boat guy was simply taking an honest look at his situation, but many of us mocked his plan-B, the "box truck RV". However, this plan-B might deserve another look, based upon the load-carrying capability. Sure, a catamaran can travel over water, but it won't take another CF cat vs mono debate for us all to agree that a cat's performance will really suffer when overloaded. A box truck is BUILT to carry large loads.

Since the OP does not yet have a female companion, he could very well be surprised by the amount of baggage that a woman can bring on board. He might be hoping for a small duffel bag, but then she shows up with a ton of baggage. Some have a theory that older divorced women carry more baggage than younger women. I don't think it's polite to generalize.

The point is: a box truck might be just the thing here, versus a catamaran...
What guy HASN'T wished for a box truck after whispering to himself:
"Wow, she has a LOT of baggage."
cyan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 19:12   #1581
Moderator
 
weavis's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK-Mallorca
Posts: 13,278
Send a message via Skype™ to weavis
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cyan View Post
The point is: a box truck might be just the thing here, versus a catamaran...
What guy HASN'T wished for a box truck after whispering to himself:
"Wow, she has a LOT of baggage."
Sadly, My vessel is beginning to accrue a lot of baggage. This Airfryer alone is 6 kilos!

I have a large ish generator but up till now have made do with the Honda... one gallon give 5 hours at 2K... however with the coffee maker, the Instant pot, the Fryer, and the convection hobs...... I mght have to crank over the big 'un. Lets not even mention the heater and the A/C! Well we can mention the A/c because I dont have one....I do have a fridge and can leave the door open if its hot...

Sadly its effect cannot be felt in the other hull. Ce le vie.

Whatever women dims the light into the cabin will at least be assured of a well kitted out galley...

Who said romance is dead.
__________________
- Never test how deep the water is with both feet -
10% of conflicts are due to different opinions. 90% by the tone of voice.
Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.
weavis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 19:28   #1582
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 9,535
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weavis View Post

Going out on a limb here and getting the Philips....

Its 1400 watts. The 2k Honda generator will handle it easy peasy...
Reviews seem to support your choice.

I understand they work well with cats.
http://m.bestreviews.com/best-air-fryers
Pelagic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 20:06   #1583
Registered User

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Alaska
Boat: 1989 Catalina 36
Posts: 236
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zeehag View Post
boaty i would sail with any day any time.... same atoll and some others....

the rest will meet a very stringent vetting practice that appears mild and lax. hahahahahaha.

remember guys, when you list demands in a mate, you will be vetted accordingly, so make sure you aint out of your league, which is sooo often the situation.
AND donot demand of others that which you can not or will not also deliver.
and just bludi TRY to overcome first impressions. some of you come off quite opposite the way you seem to intend. that is merely human nature as many try to read attitude and intent into plain words.
Hahabbahabahahha! Oh, I choked. Happily married for a dozen years, but this thread keeps showing up in my feed so I dip in every once in a while.

It is true--the more demanding the list appears, the more some of the males here seem to conflate culture/ethnicity with desirably compliant wives, the more I wonder how the males themselves would rate. Especially when they seem to be 'shopping'.

Look, I'm abrasive, acerbic, intellectual, perfectly willing to be confrontational, punctuated with bouts of laziness, and demanding we live on a boat-- I love the hell out of my husband, and he me. Because we see each other truly, treat each other with respect, establish what we each need to be happy as individuals as well as together, and don't have preconceived notions other than partnership. You know, the basics of a healthy relationship.

Sometimes I have to delicately coach him through something, exactly as the husband did his wife in the sailing uma video above, and sometimes he has to coach me delicately. We each have been brutally honest and supportive by turn. Hell, sometime, we support each other even when we don't quite believe the effort is worthwhile, and sometimes one spouse has to say firmly NO.

This is all universal for a good partnership. I'm not describing a utopian dream.

Describing your desired wife by geographic region bc she'll 'always be nice to you' and Western woman as 'sharp and demanding' and always at fault for why the man isn't in a relationship is pretty suspicious btw.
__________________
…being able to swim in the deep sea; and having a home that's a shell…

turtletraveling.com
Meanderthal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 21:07   #1584
Registered User
 
Exile's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Land of Disenchantment
Boat: Bristol 47.7
Posts: 5,170
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meanderthal View Post
Describing your desired wife by geographic region bc she'll 'always be nice to you' and Western woman as 'sharp and demanding' and always at fault for why the man isn't in a relationship is pretty suspicious btw.
I wouldn't assume it's necessarily about a man desiring a woman who is "always nice" or appears outwardly submissive. It may instead be about a partner, male or female, and regardless of ethnicity or demeanor, who is smart enough to understand how to get their needs met from a partner in a healthy, respectful, and sustainable way. Continuing to get what you need & want from a relationship is real power, regardless how submissive or dominant a partner may appear from the outside. Demands, ultimatums, drama, abrasiveness, etc. often produce the opposite desired effect, and so only offer a short-term illusion of being in control for some. At some point the other partner may just want all the noise to stop and so bails for greener pastures, all the while being blamed for abandoning the relationship. But which partner is really to blame?

All I know is that Rocky, my nutty Bulldog, gets whatever he wants from me whenever he wants it, without drama or yelling. In other words, he communicates extraordinarily well, totally has my number, and so is completely in charge. And while he prefers the driver's seat of the car, I can most assuredly say he'd be delighted to see me again if ever locked in the trunk.
Exile is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 21:13   #1585
Registered User

Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 1,038
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meanderthal View Post
Describing your desired wife by geographic region bc she'll 'always be nice to you' and Western woman as 'sharp and demanding' and always at fault for why the man isn't in a relationship is pretty suspicious btw.
Haha, I didn't read about anyone describing a desired wife by geographic region. That WOULD be suspicious!

However, it would be hard for an intellectual to argue against this advice to a Cruising Single Man (as in the title): Go see the world. Explore other cultures. You might not find that mysterious place where the old happy guys sit around saying "had I only known", but you MIGHT find a culture that suits you a smidge more than what was back home. I did. Oh, and don't take sand to the beach on such a voyage, at least not until your toes feel a distant shore or two.

Life is too short to die without ONCE following an old song, at least for a little while, no?

When I was a young boy
My mama said to me
"There's only one girl in the world for you
And she probably lives in Tahiti."

I'd go the whole wide world
Go the whole wide world just to find her

Or maybe she's in the Bahamas
Where the Caribean Sea is blue
Weeping in the tropical moonlit night
Because nobody's talking about you...


Wreckless Eric wrote it, but Cage the Elephant has a more recent version...

cyan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 21:27   #1586
Registered User
 
Exile's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Land of Disenchantment
Boat: Bristol 47.7
Posts: 5,170
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BandB View Post
It's those married and divorced three times and they can tall you all about how awful each wife was. Never crossed their minds that they were the problem, one of two ways. Either they were horrible in selecting those who might be a good match or they were just awful to be married to.
My parents were each married 3 times. My mother blamed 2 of her 3 ex-husbands (incl. my father) for the divorces, but only because the 3rd one died early on in their marriage. Each of my father's 3 ex-wives (incl. my mother) blamed him and took no responsibility for any of it. As for my father, he never really spoke ill of any of them, or at least not that I ever heard. But of all his wives, he claims that only one had any money of her own, but that divorce cost him a fortune!

Go figure . . . .
Exile is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 21:40   #1587
Registered User

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Alaska
Boat: 1989 Catalina 36
Posts: 236
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cyan View Post
zeehag shows an interesting common view among Western women. (sorry to drag you into this) This "out of your league" concept does not apply the same way to a Western guy in Asia. Some of this is probably the meal ticket syndrome, but much of it is simply a cultural acceptance that the guy can be much older, thus more wrinkly. In the West, of course, this is generally frowned upon.


I'll stick with "secret", but your observations are quite interesting. I wasn't really referring to alpha males who need their household chores and meals sorted, though I can see how that would work out too.


This is a fairly recent conflict in the West, that is not really present in the same way in Asia. This angst is a relatively new thing, not found like this in previous Western generations. Perhaps we have yet to sort things out. My 1970's US grade school teachers rammed into our heads that boys and girls were identical in abilities and desires. It might take another generation for the damage from such absurdity to heal, for the genders to embrace and celebrate our differences.


I think this is where the Western observer often becomes confused. There are indeed many sleazy bars where Western guys rent companions. The lazy observer will simply judge all ex-pat situations to be related to this scene, without any awareness of the wonderful relationships outside of this stuff. My friends in the region would probably add that there exists a jealousy about the common age differences that manifests itself as nosy disapproval by visiting Western women. The judgemental "she's out of his league" shows up a lot. (but that's another topic altogether)


THIS.
The battle of the sexes just does not exist. The angst is not there in the same way. Typically the women will "be in charge", but in a more subtle way refined by centuries I would suppose.
There's probably a whole book there, as most Western guys with an Asian woman would talk your ear off about how his woman is ACTUALLY in charge.
I do not agree with this. I have many asian-born or asian-resident female friends--bc I am an engineer, I've traveled to asia myself, and bc my best friend lives in Hong Kong. They rail against the built-in mysogyny of their cultures. Are they representative of the entirely of their sex? No. Hard to say any group is representative of the whole But they have the education and economic autonomy to make their own partnership choices, and choose partners, generally, not domineering traditionalists. Ironically, frequently they wind up marrying a western guy in the end for this reason.

If a Western male goes to a poor, male-dominated country in asia to shop for his 'wife' so he can use the relative purchasing power of his affluence and citizenship, and the relative social and legal protections granted to women of his culture as implicit bargaining chips...he's not being honest about the whys and wherefores. He's entering into a long term 'comfort' transaction with no contract.

I don't object to the transaction on principle. Good for the women if they wind up better off and can stomach a man who wants to buy their complaisance and call it 'culture'. I just object to the existence of the power imbalance in the first place, the economic and cultural coercion driving the transaction, and the potential for abuse of privilege.

As a side note, one of my favorite people in the world and oldest friends has been a paramedic in forward operating bases in afghanistan and vicinity for a decade. After his last contract ended, he wound up in Thailand, and now has a girlfriend and kid there. Complete accident, no preconceived notions, etc. But the corruption of the sex economy he saw there so HORRIFIED a man who has spent most of his adult life in warzones that he is devoting his life to combatting it now. And where, exactly, is the money coming to fund all this sex trafficking? Yep, from wealthy countries.

Does that mean if you marry someone from another part of the world, that you are an ahole? No. But going on an internet forum and preselecting a geographic region based on the reputed complaisance and poverty of the women is kinda greasy feeling.
__________________
…being able to swim in the deep sea; and having a home that's a shell…

turtletraveling.com
Meanderthal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 23:35   #1588
Registered User

Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 1,038
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meanderthal View Post
I do not agree with this. I have many asian-born or asian-resident female friends--bc I am an engineer, I've traveled to asia myself, and bc my best friend lives in Hong Kong. They rail against the built-in mysogyny of their cultures. Are they representative of the entirely of their sex? No. Hard to say any group is representative of the whole But they have the education and economic autonomy to make their own partnership choices, and choose partners, generally, not domineering traditionalists. Ironically, frequently they wind up marrying a western guy in the end for this reason.
I DO agree with this, except your conclusion. No, there is nothing "ironic" here as you state. It is the opposite of ironic, and quite natural. Western guys are not (no longer?) domineering traditionalists. Why wouldn't Asian women be drawn to that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meanderthal View Post
If a Western male goes to a poor, male-dominated country in asia to shop for his 'wife' so he can use the relative purchasing power of his affluence and citizenship, and the relative social and legal protections granted to women of his culture as implicit bargaining chips...he's not being honest about the whys and wherefores. He's entering into a long term 'comfort' transaction with no contract.
Ah, here's where you're missing the key. The happiest of these couples are STILL IN ASIA. Ex-pats. Why? The running inside joke has to due with Western culture ruining the perfect balance of such couples. You do the math, engineer. Affluence and citizenship make the Western man a commodity all over the developing world, but you cannot buy happiness. Those who use this transaction are bound for tears both ways. Of course this happens, but it would be dismissive to assume that this is related to anything I'm stating here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meanderthal View Post
I don't object to the transaction on principle. Good for the women if they wind up better off and can stomach a man who wants to buy their complaisance and call it 'culture'. I just object to the existence of the power imbalance in the first place, the economic and cultural coercion driving the transaction, and the potential for abuse of privilege.
Let me kindly suggest that you don't have enough information about what is or is not a transaction. Your assumptions of "complaisance" are a common but too narrow view- SOO many other factors. (Hong Kong is a special case, BTW.) There are MANY places where light colored skin and blue eyes are a slam dunk: attractive above all others. You and I would frown upon such quirks, as we proudly come from a society that is more blended and accepting than ever in history. Consider, though- I can't count how many time I was propositioned by checkout clerks in the Phils, as the girl and her co-workers were staring into my eyes. Cell number? Make a baby with me? Constantly. I'm not the only one. Now, if you want to pooh-pooh taking advantage of the fact that sooo many local girls woo you, then I'll endorse that. There is no honor in such treatment. Makes me feel like such an object. (but I got over it eventually) You should ask your friends about this odd situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meanderthal View Post
As a side note, one of my favorite people in the world and oldest friends has been a paramedic in forward operating bases in afghanistan and vicinity for a decade. After his last contract ended, he wound up in Thailand, and now has a girlfriend and kid there. Complete accident, no preconceived notions, etc. But the corruption of the sex economy he saw there so HORRIFIED a man who has spent most of his adult life in warzones that he is devoting his life to combatting it now. And where, exactly, is the money coming to fund all this sex trafficking? Yep, from wealthy countries.
Your friend went to the wrong places. Not his fault. Good on him to combat some very wicked stuff, but the thousands miles I've covered in the beautiful country of Thailand have not included those places. Has he been to the North, to the temples, to Krabi?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meanderthal View Post
Does that mean if you marry someone from another part of the world, that you are an ahole? No. But going on an internet forum and preselecting a geographic region based on the reputed complaisance and poverty of the women is kinda greasy feeling.
With all due respect, the greasy feeling is yours alone. Your assumptions may have predetermined this. An a fellow engineer, I appreciate your precise language. All engineers know the difference between precision and accuracy, of course.
cyan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2018, 23:59   #1589
Registered User
 
daletournier's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Australia
Boat: Catalina 470
Posts: 4,758
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Cyan, so we'll said. I wanted to reply to what seemed to be preconceived ideas and personal biases but just couldn't reply as elogantly as you did, particularly the greasy bit. I seen alot less"greasy"in Asia than I have "greasy".

The ridgidness and judgement of our societies regarding this area are definitely why ex pats (alot) don't go home, why would they risk corrupting their happy relationship.
daletournier is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-2018, 00:41   #1590
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 9,535
Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Why is there a need to pigeonhole relationships?

If you consider the truisms
that we are all different from each other, it is quite probable that our NEEDS evolve differently.

Therefore finding a compatible partner whose own needs are satisfied by us, is neither a known recipe or a predictable path of "right and wrong".

Yet we recreationally judge the mating habits of other individuals as if we had this inate knowledge of the mind and yearnings of every single person on Earth.
Pelagic is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
cruising, living aboard, men, single

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
All about the Colregs no 3 - single handed sailing and keeping a look out Rustic Charm Rules of the Road, Regulations & Red Tape 401 23-02-2021 11:49
Make a Living, Living Aboard JanetGroene Boat Ownership & Making a Living 0 19-11-2010 12:28

Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:17.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.