Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[wolfgal]

Originally Posted by daletournier

Everytime ive heard that joke told or told it, its been funny as its a joke, and not just men laughed. I sort of bought it up deliberately to see what reaction it would get, this was after a dog partner comparison was made by a lady poster. Interesting early on in the thread when Lepke said something about " better of getting a dog" he got nailed, several times. When a lady mentioned the dog thing tongue in cheek it fairly well slips under the radar ,when a joke about a woman and a dog comes up by a guy ,once again its not ok, although politely rejected.

Something i notice is that guys often communicate differently around women, with caution, they put effort into not offending. Theres often a lack of honesty in the conversation. Ive watched the tackfulness of some males posting here, i do this to some extent as well unfortunately ,not sure all the ladies put the same effort in, they can pretty much say what they please.

The video you posted Chi Chi, pointing out how nice the guy was, which he was as i commented ,BUT to me it was almost a adult child relationship more than a equal girlfriend boyfriend relationship, i base this on the way he communicated with her, right down to the positive reinforcement at the end , thats what you want?

Alot of guys i know just couldnt be bothered putting that much effort in anymore, theyre not asses or angry guys, they dont hate women, theyre just happy to be real and honest, even if it unintentionally offends ladies. They feel happy and more comfortable just socializing with their mates, its just more honest, more and more thats becoming me, i enjoy conversations with other males more than i do with the women.

Oh but Dale... I've been on board with the underlying reference to the dog throughout this thread and did not take your joke as being offensive ATA LL! try again, AT ALL. No worry mate! We're good. I'm smiling. I have yet to be offended by anyone, anyone at all on here, truly.

your way of being brash-ish is excellent. i enjoy authenticity! I do not have that 'im' offended' thing going on at all!

If i made reference to your joke, it is because the joke hit home a bit: i can honestly say that i got locked in the hood, away from sailing, from the water, from the path i wanted to be on, for two decades. ALL BE SAID. and please know too, that i take full responsibility.

As for the video: of course, both are straight from the cradle and are in love with love, as young people are... if i posted the video, it is more to show how the positive feedback worked for this girl. she is sexy and cute too, in her way... most all women have something to admire, to desire, and i think that this in itself is fantastic.

------ hold on, please let me apologize: i've noted that you are super sensitive to the way females can cut men into bits with criticism and men cannot. i've noted this myself and tend to agree... so, i should have thought to spell out the fact that i was not criticizing you when i made reference to the dog joke. forgive me.

[boatman61]

ChiChi.. all I can say is I go into most things with trust in human nature and a dose of realism.. maybe its down to my early formative years when nuns dispelled my delusion that religious people were benevolent and loving.. or that Buddhist monks were calm meditative folk.. and learning that most of the propaganda about life was just lies to candy floss the ugly realities.
Many say that trust is something to be earned.. for me trust is something to be lost.. however not trusting someone does not mean I do not like them anymore.. it just means I'm aware of their weaknesses and can make allowances.
Take a crew mate for example.. while I may have complete trust in their ability to maintain a good watch for 4hours.. that does not mean I trust them to do a MOB recovery if I go overboard..
We have many limits to live within.. how we allow them to affect us is our choice.. not others.
Cynical..???
Maybe!!!

[wolfgal]

Originally Posted by boatman61

ChiChi.. all I can say is I go into most things with trust in human nature and a dose of realism.. maybe its down to my early formative years when nuns dispelled my delusion that religious people were benevolent and loving.. or that Buddhist monks were calm meditative folk.. and learning that most of the propaganda about life was just lies to candy floss the ugly realities.
Many say that trust is something to be earned.. for me trust is something to be lost.. however not trusting someone does not mean I do not like them anymore.. it just means I'm aware of their weaknesses and can make allowances.
Take a crew mate for example.. while I may have complete trust in their ability to maintain a good watch for 4hours.. that does not mean I trust them to do a MOB recovery if I go overboard..
We have many limits to live within.. how we allow them to affect us is our choice.. not others.
Cynical..???
Maybe!!!

WAh! great wisdom in these words! thanks good man!

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by Chichi

WAh! great wisdom in these words! thanks good man!

Happy New Year Chichi..
In Portugal that's a dubious choice for a name tag..

[wolfgal]

Originally Posted by boatman61

Happy New Year Chichi..
In Portugal that's a dubious choice for a name tag..

Happy New Year, good man!!!

Chichi is my sis' cat's name. i took it when i invented this means of expressing my... alter-ego (without getting too many messages in my real inbox). the name just came to me, out of the blue.

then, when i mentioned this to my sis, she told me that, for many in mexico, chichi means boobs. OOPS! i hope the guys on here are not fantasizing about a gal with big boobs while they read my posts! oh no! what have i done? cannot even begin to imagine what it means in portugal...

and what you said about trust being something you lose...

i'm stuck on these words, this very fine-tuned perspective... i'm turning it inside out, trying to find exception to the rule. still working on it.

a big thank you for that! we should write a novel!

[gamayun]

Ah Dale, really? Me thinks you're being a bit too sensitive. I guess I should always use those winky emojis so there's no misunderstanding

Weavis, beautiful examples, but when you say Independence and self-reliance can be coupled with a soft nature, I think you missed my point. It had seemed to me that many of these relationships were based on a subservient model, which is different from a nurturing one. A loving touch/a nice word/a smile as your partner passes by seems to me the very essence of a good relationship.

Chichi, seems to me a list for the type of boat you want as well as the type of man is good thing. Keeps the focus on the important things when the first flushes of lust have passed....

Boatman, many men say "I have no expectations." I find this truly hard to believe, but enough say it so it must be true. I just think it's human nature to project some "hope," if you will, about the qualities of a potential partner and see if they fulfill them or not. If not, then you move on, right? This is how I define expectation. Am I missing something here?

[Olddan1943]

You guys are getting very specific with your list.
I think my list is more realistic.

1. Speak pretty good English
2. Tolerates me.
3. Not prone to screaming
4. A sweet gentle heart.
5. Will cook and clean, sharing of course.
6. Some boating experience would be nice.

Over time, I hope a loving relationship will form.

I'm sure I could nit pick and add more but, I think that pretty much covers it.

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Boatman, many men say "I have no expectations." I find this truly hard to believe, but enough say it so it must be true. I just think it's human nature to project some "hope," if you will, about the qualities of a potential partner and see if they fulfill them or not. If not, then you move on, right? This is how I define expectation. Am I missing something here?

I'm not most men I guess.. I don't go looking for relationships.. they find me..
If we click friendship wise sometimes it goes further and into a live together situation.. sometimes it does not and we just stay friends.
But then while I can count male friends on one hand.. with female friends I don't have enough fingers n toes.
Guess one could say I'm the guy women think is 'SAFE'...

[wolfgal]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Chichi, seems to me a list for the type of boat you want as well as the type of man is good thing. Keeps the focus on the important things when the first flushes of lust have passed....

?

Hey girl! I think we are the same age? How do you do it? seriously (and wasn't there earthquake in SF today? oh my...)

anyway, yes, the list... the list... still not so sure about the list. i've thought long and hard about it and have determined that my first thought needs to be a question: does his life plan align with mine?

i guess this could translate as: use thy head, not thy heart. perhaps...

in any case, i've decided to pose the question as quickly as possible, before the butterflies can think about coming out of their cocoons.

admittedly, i'm so afraid of, or rather, unwilling, to let myself get gobbled up by another. i have a giving nature, which, unfortunately for my dreams, seeks to please... but now, now that my care-taking-self-sacrifice days are coming to a close and the second half of my adult life is beginning, i'm set on avoiding the short stick.


most of us on here would probably agree that our dreams just don't go away...

[zeehag]

boaty i would sail with any day any time.... same atoll and some others....

the rest will meet a very stringent vetting practice that appears mild and lax. hahahahahaha.

remember guys, when you list demands in a mate, you will be vetted accordingly, so make sure you aint out of your league, which is sooo often the situation.
AND donot demand of others that which you can not or will not also deliver.
and just bludi TRY to overcome first impressions. some of you come off quite opposite the way you seem to intend. that is merely human nature as many try to read attitude and intent into plain words.

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by zeehag

boaty i would sail with any day any time.... same atoll and some others....

the rest will meet a very stringent vetting practice that appears mild and lax. hahahahahaha.

remember guys, when you list demands in a mate, you will be vetted accordingly, so make sure you aint out of your league, which is sooo often the situation.
AND donot demand of others that which you can not or will not also deliver.
and just bludi TRY to overcome first impressions. some of you come off quite opposite the way you seem to intend. that is merely human nature as many try to read attitude and intent into plain words.

Damn, Boatman, what is this love power you have over women that even Zee would take you, no questions asked. You stud muffin you

Zee, I have learned (yet I make the same mistake over and over) that our online persona generally do not accurately portray ourselves in real life. We can always talk a good talk, but realty (i.e., face-to-face interactions) often results in completely different outcomes!

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by Chichi

Hey girl! I think we are the same age? How do you do it? seriously (and wasn't there earthquake in SF today? oh my...)

anyway, yes, the list... the list... still not so sure about the list. i've thought long and hard about it and have determined that my first thought needs to be a question: does his life plan align with mine?

i guess this could translate as: use thy head, not thy heart. perhaps...

in any case, i've decided to pose the question as quickly as possible, before the butterflies can think about coming out of their cocoons.

admittedly, i'm so afraid of, or rather, unwilling, to let myself get gobbled up by another. i have a giving nature, which, unfortunately for my dreams, seeks to please... but now, now that my care-taking-self-sacrifice days are coming to a close and the second half of my adult life is beginning, i'm set on avoiding the short stick.

most of us on here would probably agree that our dreams just don't go away...

Early fifties. Yes, we had a 4.3 earthquake at 0230 in Berkeley, but I was not on my boat so didn't hear or feel it. As to leaving your "care-taking-self-sacrifice days" behind you, do let me know how that goes. I mean that sincerely. Other than quitting smoking, I believe breaking out of our patterns and the subconscious choices we make are about the most difficult things we can achieve. I still haven't figured this out although I did quit smoking in my mid twenties so there's hope....

[weavis]

Originally Posted by zeehag

and just bludi TRY to overcome first impressions. some of you come off quite opposite the way you seem to intend. that is merely human nature as many try to read attitude and intent into plain words.

GOsh Zee.

Biggest complaint I hear from men is: " she was not what she portrayed herself to be.."

Works both ways...

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Damn, Boatman, what is this love power you have over women that even Zee would take you, no questions asked. You stud muffin you

Awww.. Shucks..!!!

Zee, I have learned (yet I make the same mistake over and over) that our online persona generally do not accurately portray ourselves in real life. We can always talk a good talk, but realty (i.e., face-to-face interactions) often results in completely different outcomes!

This is very true.. how someone eats, the pitch of voice, body odour, halitosis, hair.. or lack of it can swiftly disintegrate any idea's of romance.. or if a non smoker discovering that the other is.. its a cruel judgemental world out there.

[wolfgal]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Early fifties. Yes, we had a 4.3 earthquake at 0230 in Berkeley, but I was not on my boat so didn't hear or feel it. As to leaving your "care-taking-self-sacrifice days" behind you, do let me know how that goes. I mean that sincerely. Other than quitting smoking, I believe breaking out of our patterns and the subconscious choices we make are about the most difficult things we can achieve. I still haven't figured this out although I did quit smoking in my mid twenties so there's hope....

early fifties too. hope that this is the last of the earthquakes around there. such a wonderful place to be (and sail). got friends who have moved onto their boat in point richmond, need to check in.

i seriously wonder how it would feel on the boat during an earthquake. while reading, i stumbled upon on some disaster story the other day: a story of a couple on their boat that saved loads of people who were washed into the sea after the tsunami hit. it happened in a town in south america somewhere... their boat floated; they were fine; they were able to save others.

on the same topic, i often wonder how things are going to be for boat-people as the natural disasters are becoming a bit more erratic and, sometimes, more intense... places all over the globe have had their share of wind and rain this past year. oh -- i've got this theory about this: if the oceans and the land are letting off more absorbed heat, and the north pole especially is letting off more of its cold (as he glaciers melt), wouldn't this translate into air masses characterized by more extreme temps meeting? and these would create stronger, more extreme storms? if this is true, then, if the north pole slows in letting off cold (as it balds) and yet the waters and land continue to let off more warm, then wouldn't this translate into less Irma's and more monsoons and such (from the increase in evaporating air that ends up falling) as well as a significant temp increase, across the board? (any meteorologists out there?)

ok gumayun, will keep you posted as to the development of my freedom management skills...

it is really curious because i'm fine when i'm on my own (not that i do not crave, intimacy, company and sex) but forget about my freedom when i'm in a couple. i get absorbed, somehow and give it my all... i cannot figure it.

the following sometimes surprises even me: back when i was single, i used to do all kinds of adventurous things from backpacking on my own across europe to sailing a felucca down the nile myself, to crossing europe on motorcycles (camping), to an archeological dig in the middle-east. i dared risking my freedom to help free forty-some people who were being held captive by the post-ceaucescu chaos in bucharest, went scuba diving in the red sea, was jumping off of super high rocks into the sea in sicily... was flying four-seaters... when i was single, i just couldn't get enough of life. when i'd call my family, the first question was always, "where are you now?"

or maybe that wild hair isn't growing up my *** anymore (my uncles used to say this about me to explain my adventurous spirit).

bravo for quitting smoking! didn't smoke long (thank goodness) but managed to quit too, had to. after a terrible accident, i smoked for two: three packs a day, and i weighed under 100lbs (and am 5'7) and looked like a heroine addict. that was such a tough year...
but you are right, it takes us so much effort to break out of our own habits (or personal comfort zones, i suppose) and our psychological chains. recognizing them is the first step. mustering the courage is the second... and well, this is where i get stuck it seems (from the get-go sometimes). but i have hope, really, cause deep down there, it feels as though that wild hair is starting to grow back!:big grin:

cheers girl!

chichi