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Old 21-02-2017, 07:01   #16
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

Andrew, We all have different responses to challenges and my thoughts only apply to me, but I am making some choices with a similar situation.

After 45 years of living aboard and cruising my wife has developed physical limitations that prevent her from being able to negotiate the companionway steps or boarding our boat from a floating dock or dinghy.

For me, this marks an end to the form of cruising to which I am accustomed. I am selling my boat; however, I do not plan to necessarily sell quickly. I can easily day sail single-handed and I'm enjoying completing projects on my boat. What I will miss is the community that we have developed in about thirty different ports from Maine to the Bahamas.

I began sailing as a kid with a sliding gunter rig on a 12' boat in Ft. Lauderdale. I might keep a similar small sailboat for play on board an small "Downeast" that I can putter about my local area.

I doubt if anyone else can give you advice for your situation. My cruising was always a couple's sport.
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Old 21-02-2017, 08:06   #17
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

Hudson,
Have you looked into getting a small Camper? I say small as I think more than most you don't need the extra room to be comfortable. You could still travel that way I think, and it may just be possible that you two are Vagabonds, just maybe?
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Old 21-02-2017, 08:08   #18
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

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Originally Posted by boatman61 View Post
Sell the 50.. get a 37-ish and use the cash difference to fund some blue water voyaging..

This is I think the most logical, and maybe have her fly in to meet you at your destinations?
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Old 21-02-2017, 08:43   #19
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

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Originally Posted by elandra65 View Post
Thanks for your responses,

a little more info. I am in my later fifties, kids are independent and I have no debt and do have some assets. Finances are not so much the issue. I really don't want to sell and buy another boat as every time I do this it takes me enormous amounts of time and money to get it to a point where I am happy taking it offshore and I don't think I would be much better off financially doing this in any case. Been there done that too many times!

I had thought about getting crew for the passages etc and I guess this is the sort of information I am requesting. Using family as crew is not really practical as they all have careers with very restricted vacation opportunity. Best they can do is fly to a location and spend a couple of weeks which they have done before. It kinda works.

regards

Andrew
Looks like selling your boat to buy another boat is not something you want to do. Financially you obviously don't need to.

So it appears the question is....Do I want to sail without the wife.

Seems there's been a thread or 2 about that already....like "Wife Hates my Boat"

Good luck with your decision.
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Old 21-02-2017, 09:22   #20
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

Your wife gave you 20 happy years doing something you admit she didn’t fully enjoy. Now she’s finally had enough and it seems to me you owe her 20 years of similar consideration. IMO, Sell the boat, ask her how she wants to spend what may be your final decades together, put a smile on your face and comply.

On occasions when you miss the boat, let the pain be a reminder of how lucky you’ve been to have such a wife. That thought, if you allow it to sink in, will ultimately become a source of joy and happiness in its own way and your pain will be transformed.

But what you’re doing right now is reaching out to a pack of fellow addict/enablers. I may as well ask my dealer, “What do you think? Should I quit?”
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Old 21-02-2017, 09:24   #21
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

Having down this road before myself, at your age. I can tell you that the boat may not be the issue but may be a symptom of the disease.
It may be that she is feeling neglected and that maybe putting the boat on the hard for a few months while you guys concentrate on what she wants to do may be worthwhile, before it gets to a "My wife hates my boat".
Need for her to understand that she is still number 1 in your life, maybe?
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Old 21-02-2017, 09:37   #22
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

I believe Kalbahnov hit the nail on the head. Can't add a thing!
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Old 21-02-2017, 09:47   #23
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pirate Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

Why do folks always assume domestic stress lies behind someone quitting sailing.. it could just be she's sick of life at 10degrees, wind in the rigging and constantly bruised thighs and butt.
I go through periods of 'That's it.. no more of this $hit..!!'
I've a friend who drives his VW camper from Germany to Greece every year.. the last few years the wifes knocked it on the head and when he heads South.. she sorts a couple off holidays in gentler more comfortable settings.
The rest of the year they spend together quite happily..
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Old 21-02-2017, 09:54   #24
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

Sell it.

Use the funds to buy a smaller boat - one that is easy to single-hand. One you always liked but have never had.

A new boat will give you new challenges and opportunities. It is the challenges and the opportunities that keep us going.

Cheers,
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Old 21-02-2017, 10:19   #25
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

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Originally Posted by elandra65 View Post

I really don't want to sell and buy another boat as every time I do this it takes me enormous amounts of time and money to get it to a point where I am happy taking it offshore and I don't think I would be much better off financially doing this in any case. Been there done that too many times!

Andrew
Hi Andrew -- I share your dilemma, albeit for different reasons, and am now in a similar situation. I keyed in on your comment above because I too have, at various points over the years, looked seriously at "downsizing" my boat. When I started seriously crunching the $$, and realistically looking at the time & money involved in preparing another boat for long-distance cruising, I always concluded I'd be better off sticking with the "devil I know." But maybe after all the time, money & commitment I've expended over the years I just don't want to really sell my beloved boat!

As for singlehanding my 47'er, I have done so quite successfully and it is set up beautifully for this. I've even gotten reasonably adept at docking it solo. It does concern me, however, that it is quite system-dependent (electric furlers, for e.g.). I try and reassure myself knowing everything has manual backup, but I remain well aware that breakdowns could be that much more difficult to overcome due to boat size. Then again there are many advantages to a larger boat both at sea and at anchor/dock.

As for crew, I always seem to have a waiting list of friends & family that are eager to join. With a well-sorted 50' bluewater boat, I would imagine it wouldn't be too much of a problem for you either. But then it's less of a worry if you know you can competently singlehand when necessary or desirable.

I'd be interested in reading more of your thoughts & any conclusions, as well as from others. But don't feel qualified to comment on the marital issues!
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Old 21-02-2017, 10:23   #26
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

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Originally Posted by kalbahnov View Post
But what you’re doing right now is reaching out to a pack of fellow addict/enablers. I may as well ask my dealer, “What do you think? Should I quit?”
Ha-Ha! Exactly right!! (But we do it anyway ).
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Old 21-02-2017, 10:25   #27
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by elandra65 View Post
Thanks for your responses,

a little more info. I am in my later fifties, kids are independent and I have no debt and do have some assets. Finances are not so much the issue. I really don't want to sell and buy another boat as every time I do this it takes me enormous amounts of time and money to get it to a point where I am happy taking it offshore and I don't think I would be much better off financially doing this in any case. Been there done that too many times!

I had thought about getting crew for the passages etc and I guess this is the sort of information I am requesting. Using family as crew is not really practical as they all have careers with very restricted vacation opportunity. Best they can do is fly to a location and spend a couple of weeks which they have done before. It kinda works.

regards

Andrew
Hi Andrew,
Been there and done it.
Had 4 boats and. BOC 50 Mike Plants old boat did 94/95 Around Alone.
Been ashore for 10 years now looking again ideal 36' for short handed.
First boat Bowman 36. Mooring fees for 50!!!!!!!!!! Especially In the Med.
Anyway if you get stuck and require assistance to do a trip, contact me.
Yachtmaster offshore and Ocean, presently in France.
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Old 21-02-2017, 10:31   #28
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

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Originally Posted by kalbahnov View Post
Your wife gave you 20 happy years doing something you admit she didn’t fully enjoy. Now she’s finally had enough and it seems to me you owe her 20 years of similar consideration. IMO, Sell the boat, ask her how she wants to spend what may be your final decades together, put a smile on your face and comply.
That line of thinking really only works if you have ironed it out ahead of time. If I spent 20+ years doing something I love with the person I love, (under the assumption that we're sharing a common interest) then only to find out she was placating me. And worse, was keeping score. Now I owe at debt I never knew was accruing?

Nonsense!! If that were the case, then the answer, for me, would be very easy. The wife would get walking papers and I'd be casting lines.
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Old 21-02-2017, 11:43   #29
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

Can it not be that he loves her, she loves him, she just doesn't like to sail?? She loves him, she wants him to be happy, she's happy with him going sailing without her?

I had a relationship where my mate worked offshore, he'd be gone for 3 months or more at a time. I liked having him home, I liked having him gone! I liked having my own time but was also happy spending time with him. Can't this be a like situation?

As incomprehensible as it is to me, some people just don't like to sail.

So back to the original question... after all the original poster didn't ask us for marriage advice. Should he sell the boat?? I think he's leaning towards getting a crew and sailing, and that is very doable. There are a lot of sailors that either are in between boats or don't have a boat, or have a project boat, that would be happy to crew. I say go for it! Find a crew and sail, come home to a happy wife.
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Old 21-02-2017, 12:08   #30
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Re: Sell the boat or keep it?

Andrew, may I ask where you are located?
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