Feeling Lost On Land

[SmartMove]

We have been out just about two years now, originating from the US. We have spent our entire time in the Eastern Caribbean, 'live aboards' and 'cruisers' we be.

We decided we would come home for six weeks every spring -- family stuff, kids, grandkids, annual doctor and dentist appointments, you understand.

This year, hubby's doctor said his thyroid was too low (excessively too low) and refused to let him (us) return to the Caribbean as scheduled. Told us we would have to be here for at least a month (longer than our return ticket) and up to three months to regulate the medications.

We flew home from Puerto Rico, our insurance company wanted our boat in Grenada by July 1 -- fortunately we got a hurricane tie-down at Puerto del Rey Marina in a Fajardo, Puerto Rico for the season. But I still have to work that out with the insurance company.

Now we are here and homeless, depending on our family to put us up. Family dynamics are very complex, our kids have their own lives, having mom and dad around doesn't always work out for them, but we are always welcome as babysitters.

There have been issues in two of our three children's lives this year that have made us question whether we should really go very far a field. Because of circumstances they have wanted us closer to home. I guess this will seem pretty insensitive from a woman, but I figured it out without help in my day!

What we wanted to do is circumnavigate, taking our time. Now, here we are on land, rethinking our plans.

I know everyone has to make their own choices, but for those out there with children and grandchildren, what is your thought process when you go so far afield?

Thanks, Robyn


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[Ex-Calif]

As far as being regularly away from the young ones that is a personal choice. On one hand you say that they have their own lives and you might feel you overstay. On the other hand you say events have happened whereby you might have wanted to be there. I personally vote with stay away. They are grown ups (it sounds like) and they will figure it out.

Now as far as temporary accommodations go yous should investigate a couple of things.

We often place people in cities for Temporary Duty (TDY) and we do 3 basic type of accommodation.

Less than 2 weeks - Hotel
2 to 8 weeks - "Executive Rentals." Sometimes these are affiliated with a hotel sometimes not. Usually it is a normal apartment with cleaning and maid service.
8 weeks to 3 months - We often find 3-month leases on fully furnished apartments. No cleaning/no maid.

It is tough to be dependent on family for accommodation. I hate it longer than a week or so. Some of these solutions cost significant bucks but you are independent.

If one can "rough it" in a less than desirable neighborhood I have found hotel rooms for $35 a day in San Jose "area."

What I find tougher is getting a car. Hertz/Avis etc rentals are ridiculous. Years ago an outfit called rent-a-wreck had cars for like $15/day. They were truly wrecks. Now they charge like $35/day min and have real cars...

[CaptTom]

If not now, when?

What will you regret more, not living your dream while you still can, or not being there for some transient family event?

No answers, only questions.

[JPA Cate]

Hi, Smart Move,

First, deal with the insurance for the boat.

Then, consider renting temporary accommodations if you feel it necessary to follow the Australian doctor's plan for regulating the change in thyroid meds. That part's not really too big a deal. Maybe 4 monthly blood tests, common, done all 'round the civilized world; set up e-mail or Skype phone contact with the doc to evaluate the tests you have done elsewhere. Both Jim and I have to have ours checked from time to time.

Kids and grandkids. As Ex-Calif says, that's a personal decision and not an easy one. Today's expectations are different from your parents', consequently there will be pressures on you now that did not happen for your Mom. If you are truly happy cruising, maybe you can invent a way to keep alive contact with your grandkids and children. If you want to, give that a go. Maybe they can be flown out to you for 2 week visits????

The downsides to staying to "help" the kids who are now adults with children is that it fosters their dependence on you to their detriment; and that you sacrifice your hard-won freedom, which can lead to resentment and nasty problems later on. And goodness knows the effects for your husband!

You must follow your hearts, but with your eyes open. Remember, it is never given to us to know in advance, for sure, the unintended consequences of our actions. So you and he weigh up what matters most for you and try to invent the compromises that will work best for now. And face the future as it comes.

Life gets in the way of our plans, sometimes.

Best wishes,

Ann

[JPA Cate]

P.S.

The adjustment to any kind of living ashore after being a liveaboard cruiser is always difficult. You're surrounded by people who really don't get what your normal lifestyle is about, and there's little way to help them understand. Possibly you have friends you can stay with where you are, if not rent and be independent. Staying with your kids is always fraught. They want/need space, want you to baby-sit; but you may be wanting positive interaction with them. Anyhow, separate space from their, so that you have more control of your participation with them could help.

Ann

[SmartMove]

Thanks everyone. I shouldn't be whining, we are really lucky to be able to live the cruising life. I was just a little depressed and overwhelmed by the circumstances the other day. We will be back on the boat in October and on our way again in November.

Meanwhile I will help the kids as much as I can, but we have decided to make the best of it while on land. We are going to take several short trips to places we never had time to visit before and decided to splurge on an Alaskan cruise. We are also going to do some river rafting and visit Yellowstone in the fall.

We have found some house sitting opportunities for a couple of our friends/family while they are on vacation that will help break things up.

Our kids are smart and well grounded and will figure things out. I think I have figured out that just because they say they want/need us near, doesn't really mean they really want that. I think they are realizing having mom around 24/7 isn't all they imagined it to be -- I think they will be packing our bags for us come September, lol!

Thanks again everyone,
Robyn


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[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by SmartMove

Our kids are smart and well grounded and will figure things out. I think I have figured out that just because they say they want/need us near, doesn't really mean they really want that. I think they are realizing having mom around 24/7 isn't all they imagined it to be -- I think they will be packing our bags for us come September, lol!

Thanks again everyone,
Robyn


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Sounds like a well adjusted family - enjoy your break!

[mtarcher]

Hi SmartMove,

Just thinking out the box...if your plans require you to spend a portion of your time being land-bound, you might consider an RV for your accommodations. We've been spending our summers in our RV (5th wheel) and travel back to the boat we store in the BVI, around the Oct/Nov timeframe. An RV isn't the most inexpensive living, especially if you want to do a lot of traveling (due to fuel costs) but it does allow for your own privacy and bed to sleep in.

[SmartMove]

Originally Posted by mtarcher

Hi SmartMove,



Just thinking out the box...if your plans require you to spend a portion of your time being land-bound, you might consider an RV for your accommodations. We've been spending our summers in our RV (5th wheel) and travel back to the boat we store in the BVI, around the Oct/Nov timeframe. An RV isn't the most inexpensive living, especially if you want to do a lot of traveling (due to fuel costs) but it does allow for your own privacy and bed to sleep in.

We have thought about that and even looked at a few RVs -- our recently hatched Plan B. The hitch is we were planning on sailing further afield (maybe circumnavigate) and, therefore, not spending much time in the States -- Plan A. Because of recent events we were re-evaluating Plan A, thus Plan B. At the moment neither of us are ready to abort Plan A, we will see how the summer shakes out with the kids and re-evaluate once we are back on the boat.

Great suggestion though. We have always thought that once we were done sailing we would spend a few more years traveling in an RV -- so much to see, so little time!

Thanks, Robyn


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[mtarcher]

We've really enjoyed our lifestyle...and have been at it now for over 5 years. It isn't the lifestyle for everyone, but we wouldn't trade it!

If you are interested in getting some additional background info and insight in the pros/cons we've discovered in our lifestyle, send me a pm and we can try to fill in some of the gaps.

Best wishes for your plans!
Sandy and Karen