Divorce Looming Looking For New Start

[insanityranch]

Hello My name is Kevn
I am 54, and own my own business, and getting ready to go through a divorce after 24 yrs... I want to relocate back to the Ventura area where I grew up and I am looking for a live-aboard rental or a live aboard no one has time for anymore and would like to sell but carry the loan ( trying not to ask for to much I hope), however I have no interest in using the boat for anything other then living on, so I only need one that floats.... I do not intend to leave the dock.
It would be just for me and my bull dog and then my little ( 13) girl every other weekend.
Is this something that does not sound to crazy ? and could be do able ?

Kevn (ECV)

[jkindredpdx]

Hey Kev,
Good Luck, I'm 58, got divorced ~5 years ago after 29 years. . . It's not crazy! (except the part about not takin'er out). I love on-board living. My daughter (30) comes to visit and I recommend a boat with an extra cabin. Mine's a center cockpit with 1/4 berths aft and vberth fwd. You'll both appreciate the privacy and there's no knocking down the saloon table. And it's a pretty handy shed and dry storage.

[IMG][/IMG]

[insanityranch]

Originally Posted by jkindredpdx

Hey Kev,
Good Luck, I'm 58, got divorced ~5 years ago after 29 years. . . It's not crazy! (except the part about not takin'er out). I love on-board living. My daughter (30) comes to visit and I recommend a boat with an extra cabin. Mine's a center cockpit with 1/4 berths aft and vberth fwd. You'll both appreciate the privacy and there's no knocking down the saloon table. And it's a pretty handy shed and dry storage.

[IMG][/IMG]

So your saying that there is a great life after divorcé and I should go for it...( the boat!!!LOL) not ready for a sail boat, yet that is next.. maybe in a few years, right now I just want to be on the water .... I think about it every day at sometime or another.
I have 3 kids and I'm sure they will all love to visit that is one of the many reasons I want the Ventura/ Channel Islands/ Oxnard Marina area, I have two older kids going to collage near by..

[mub]

.. can of worms alert ..

My 2c.

Make sure that the ownership of the boat is clear before you purchase... Or the purchase is after the divorce.

Make sure that you ex is clear about your living arrangements. Mine got all bent out of shape over the saftey of her babies.. Both of whome are bigger than her and have been on and off boats their whole lives. They are 16 and 15.

I had to have at least two suitable sleeping areas.

My daughter's both love it. And stay as long as they can before they go back to their mother.

I might suggest an old tug or trawler. If you are not traveling far they can be quite roomy. And fuel milage doesn't matter if you are going no where.

Good luck..

Oh and when / if it happens.. the right partner won't object to your living arrangements.

Mub

Me.. I have a big sailing boat.. but that is what I love.

[rw58ph]

Been there done that, the big D is not fun! I am perplexed as you want to relocate to Venture, but it sounds like our daughter and business is close to where you presently live?

Being a live a board takes more than just a boat that floats especially if you have your daughter. However, being a live aboard in warmer climate is easier than colder climates. Also renting a boat is not very common, especially if the person has little/no boating experience, even if you say you are going to stay tied to the dock.

My advise is to talk to the marinas and live a boards. Many non boaters think living on a boat is cheap and an eay life, which may not be true. We also own a condo, and the condo is 50% cheaper than the boat. We have discussed moving the Eagle to the San Francisco area, mainly for the warmer less rainy climate but before we do we will visit and investigate the area. The marina facilities, the slips, and general location are important for a live aboard.

[insanityranch]

Originally Posted by mub

.. can of worms alert ..

My 2c.

Make sure that the ownership of the boat is clear before you purchase... Or the purchase is after the divorce.

Make sure that you ex is clear about your living arrangements. Mine got all bent out of shape over the saftey of her babies.. Both of whome are bigger than her and have been on and off boats their whole lives. They are 16 and 15.

I had to have at least two suitable sleeping areas.

My daughter's both love it. And stay as long as they can before they go back to their mother.

I might suggest an old tug or trawler. If you are not traveling far they can be quite roomy. And fuel milage doesn't matter if you are going no where.

Good luck..

Oh and when / if it happens.. the right partner won't object to your living arrangements.

Mub

Me.. I have a big sailing boat.. but that is what I love.

Thanks for the heads up, My Mouth say to tell he to F off but my mind knows better...............Born at night ...just not last night
My thoughts exactly on the tug or trawler as I said I do not plan to leave the dock, so that is what I was hopping for my be someone who had one they don't want to sell but they never use, I could rent for a few years and keep up in exchange for a discount rent.

[mottseng]

WOW I'm not alone.....57 getting divorced and paying 3k a month alimony. Got to get out of this trap.

[Cheechako]

How complicated is the live aboard situation in Ventura now? Why do you want to live on the boat but never take it out? Just like being ont he water?

[Capt Phil]

mottseng... big difference between Chid Support and alimony! Child support is a moral and legal obligation which any responsible parent should honor and check periodically to make sure the $ are sufficient beyond what the courts might award. They are your kids and I feel strongly that you want to raise them as financially secure as you can manage. My Ex and I never argued over $ after the split and I increased support $ voluntarily as the kids grew and the expenses increased. It helped because they lived with me much of the time and I had a good handle on their needs.
Alimony is another kettle of fish entirely... commonly known as 'the screwing get for the screwing you got', many ex's, and/or their attorneys, take advantage of circumstances which change over time. Although it is becoming more common where the woman is the major breadwinner in a family and courts are awarding ex husbands alimony where they may have been the main care giver for the kids.
My advice is to make a clean break as quickly and painlessly as possible but not give up long term financial commitments for short term emotional peace. Rant Over!
Moving aboard a boat can be an emotional hit for the ex who already feels your level of responsibility is questionable and can really push some buttons but if the kids are fine with it, that is a big hurdle. There are a number of boat owners in financial difficulty but don't want to bite the bullet and sell their pride and joy. Renting it out can be a real opportunity to allow thm to hang onto their boat. Not certain how marinas feel about non-owners living aboard... this should be researched thoroughly before committing to moving board to avoid surprises.
You will find more liveaboard space aboard a commercial power boat like a towboat or commercial fishboat than a sailboat. There are a number for sale in the PNW that are serviceable to bring down the coast which have been removed from service or have given up their licenses and can no longer be used in the trade that are going cheaply. I'd wait until spring to bring one of them south, though.
Good luck in your search... Phil

[mottseng]

Dear Capt Phil. You are right that there is a difference between alimony and child support. I did say alimony in my post and that is the case with me. My ex refuses to work although she is more than capable of it. My children are grown and in no need of support. In my case there were no third part or abuse issues just loss of communication and a general loathing for the other person. I resent working to support a person who I don't see or communicate with and pay lawyers tens of thousand of dollars to negotiate that for me. Ok, sorry my rant is over !! The allure and romance of living on a boat and having a clean plate is appealing and very doable.

Thanks for your input and advice.

[belizesailor]

http://www.askmen.com/top_10/travel_...l_top_ten.html

[Bayside Bert28]

I have two different male friends who were the Mr. Mom in the relationship … wives were doctors. The courts shooed those men back to work quick.

I don't see the court as sympathetic to men under many circumstances.

I split with the mother of my children (we never married) after 16 years. We could fight over child support etc. and it could be ugly .. (I know).

Or I can just pay for it all.

Then the court doesn't have much to say.

[robert sailor]

No use getting too upset over the screwing you get, you just need to understand that the Government have crafted things the way they are to avoid any responsibility for welfare...that gets put on your back. Why do you think they have crafted new laws giving marriage rights to couples that have lived together for a couple of years. Its all about the $$$$

[belizesailor]

Yes, divorce law is antiquated, based on a time when women had fewer options, and kept that way by attornies who make a good living using it to screw people.

My father was a attorney/judge, and I saw indirectly loads of ugly divorces as a kid. Gave me a healthy respect for how a failed marriage could wreck your life. Given the high probability of marriages ultimately failing it amazes me that most people still get married without any form of prenup agreement. Its not 100% protection, but at least it defines the rules up front. Never been married without one, never will be.

[mottseng]

Divorce is ugly, costly, hurtful, depressing, demoralizing, restrictive, and a whole bunch of other adjectives. I realize that each case is different so don't get me going on mine. The serious thought of downsizing and living a more simple life aboard a boat suddenly becomes very appealing.