Advice for a dreamer needed.

[Pjoke]

Hi Guys...Not sure this is the right forum, but given the title I´m pretty sure I will be able to get some steady advice from here also.

Being a "young" guy in the late 30´s, I am so fortunate that most of the things on my "bucket list" already has been checked out. One that hasn't, and one of great desire to me, is sailing around the world with my family.

However...as things are right now, this is not possible. Both my wife and I work a lot, and furthermore my wife hasn't totally come around my plans on sailing around the world. She is an able sailor though, and open for spending time on the sea in whatever time off we can take.

Here is my thoughts, and any constructive critisimen/advice are more then welcome. For now, until time etc. allows us for the big journey, I am seriously considering buying a boat we can use until then (the next 5-6 years, if all goes as planned). Been looking at the Elan 514 among others (any comments here ?).

I am european. So the plan is to keep the boat based in croatia/italy the first 1-2 years. Go there and enjoy life as much as we can, which will probably be around 2 month a year. After that, I plan to sail it to the carribbean, and find a long term mooring her. Again use it as much as possible in any free time we are able to come by.

This will give me a taste of the dream, some wonderful memories, and hopefully warm up my wife for what I have planned later (-;

What are your oppions on the above ?

Can´t wait to hear what you all have to say.

Best Regards

Anders

[vjm]

I think it's a great plan with one little caveat. Your wife and your kids may never share your dream. If that is so, what's the plan? You could do it alone, with the just the kids, with family members switching out for short stays, or just not do it.

Given your wife's experience, I think assuming or hoping she will change her mind is a fool's errand. Bound to cause friction between you two. If you can come up with an alternate plan that respects her decision while also allowing you the ability to pursue your dream I think you will be better off in the long run. She could, of course, change her mind but with an alternate plan you aren't disappointed later or nagging.

[sailorboy1]

The number one thing to do is to sail, and make it enjoyable not all fear and challenging. After that you can start thinking of the "sail around world", or change it based on your sailing experiences. So your plan works fine for that.

[a64pilot]

I didn't see anything about kids?
Wife is an experienced sailor, she knows the deal, I'm going to guess that sailing isn't the issue here, but quitting work for a vagabond life may be?

[Pjoke]

Hi Guys...

Actually the problem with the wife, is fear of the sea, a little trip or vacation in a few weeks is a dream for her. But she has to be able to see land. It´s been a while now since she has sailed.

I´ve been with her for over 20 years, so I know she will come around as soon as she gets some good experiences, and sees the fear is just an illusion.

And if the wife does not come around, we will still have a fantastic holiday home for years to come (-;

We won´t be quitting our jobs, both of us are self-employed so that will be a question of re adjusting (-; Which is definitely doable.

But enough about me and the ms. Any great comment on what I´ve written ?

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by Pjoke

She is an able sailor though, and open for spending time on the sea in whatever time off we can take.

In honesty if the quote above is true, you don't have a problem ?

Follow Sailorboy's advice, I'd expand it by saying go on a "honeymoon cruise" do things she likes, not a sailing adventure, fix in her mind that the best time she had in life was that time you guys spent on a boat.
Scare her good, and she will never forget that

here is a book to read
http://www.amazon.com/Dragged-Aboard...ilpage_o06_s00

[sailorboy1]

[QUOTE=Pjoke;2103497 But she has to be able to see land. I[/QUOTE]

Well you can do a LOT of sailing and still meet that.

[Tessellate]

Originally Posted by Pjoke

so I know she will come around as soon as she gets some good experiences, and sees the fear is just an illusion.

The fear is not just an illusion. I've had times on my boat where I was the most scared I'd ever been in my life. Similarly for my wife.

The thing about dreams is sometimes they are disconnected from reality. Sailing around the world can sound great in your dreams but you might not know what it actually entails until you get some more passage making experience. You might find it's not even what you want.

A dream of sailing around the world is like a dream of going to the moon - if you haven't even built (or bought) your rocket ship yet, there are a lot of steps still to take.

I think you're doing the right thing by getting into it slow and just getting more sailing time in. That's what allows you to learn if the dream is really what you want.

[dkroar]

I would advise you both to look up "Little Cunning Plan" blog, and read the A-Z series on Anxiety. Fear is not an illusion, and if you trivialize her concerns that way, you will only find that the line will be drawn in concrete. -Off-Boat-Topic-, I know.

I appreciate when my "fears" are met with empathy, and then worked out together through actions, experiences, and practice. I'm doing things I would never have dreamed of otherwise. I applaud your plan to start out easily, and work your way towards more liveaboard time, but as was previously stated, you might see plans morphing into something else, be flexible, and see where your life together takes you.

[ColonelWima]

We, my wife and me, won't make it around the world anymore as we are in our 70 ties, however my dream has been partly achieved as we live and sail on a boat. My wife used to be afraid when loosing sight of land but not anymore. We sail the Aegean islands, where if you plan well, distances between them are no more than 50 nm and you do not need to loose sight of land. Also if you want you might encounter rough weather. This meant that when we slowly increased distances, loosing sight of land and sometimes met not such good weather my wife lost here fear and is happy. Based on our experience it might be a good idea to spent your sailing time here. There are plenty boats of different make and size for rent here which my help to choose the correct boat for your dream.

[W3GAC]

First part sounds good. But much of the Caribbean gets up to 3-5 hurricanes a year during June-November so I wouldn't recommend leaving a boat on a mooring for long periods of time unattended. Either leave it closer to Venezuela (but still would have thief concerns) or if you want to stay in more central Caribbean and haul it. Hurricanes are serious in that part of the World. Suggest you find a marina that sets boats in trenches to avoid boats blowing over/ boat stands losing their footing during 6-10" of rain/ up to 100+ mph winds.

We spent two years cruising in Caribbean. Very Nice but 3 hurricanes while we were there. Med is also very nice and most boaters don't like being separated from their boat by an Ocean... in fact, most want to be within reasonable car drive. Seems to me you could get as much experience in the Med until you're ready to commit and leave from there. Or, since you both already sail, fly to Caribbean, buy boat there, sail blue water North to, say... Chesapeake Bay/ Norfolk, VA and lay her up there.


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[millhouse_44]

Personally I would not buy the boat as you suggest. Why? Too much worry leaving it for long periods unattended and too expensive. If you can afford it, which it sounds like you can, charter a boat from moorings, Sunsail or some other reputable company and do a week or two that way a couple times a year. Try different boats that way, I highly recommend multihull living! That's the way to 'ease' into it IMHO. She'll probably love it because the locations will be amazing and the boat will be in good nick and the company will help you through everything. In short, she might be fooled into believing that fill time cruising is all about fun! Lol. Good luck!

[gbowen]

Dreams are what make life worth living. As the saying goes "make no little plans, they have no magic to stir men's souls".

I wanted to live and travel on a boat. It was a tremendous driving force in my life. I built the boat over 10 years and we sailed it from NZ to Alaska. I sold it reluctantly in 2011 (34 years after launch). It was a grand experience from making all the gear to building the boat. When I started it I had not even rowed a dinghy. As a family we went through 2 hurricanes and the boat was our school house.

My daughters thrived and one became an MIT trained oceanographer. If your determination matches your dreams go for it!

[chuckr]

just some random thoughts --
In Maine we met a couple like you our 2nd year out and they were headed to a circum nav and wanted us to go along - we declined as we did not feel we were ready - we sailed the Bahamas that year went in and got a lot of boat upgrades then heade to Mexico and worked our way down to the Bay Islands -- the couple was still there after a couple of years and headed back to the USA to sell the boat - it was not what they expected - when dreams hit reality things can take an unexpected turn - Gee I use to dream of dating super models - reality I got a good companion, friend, lover, first mate, admiral and someone will to take risks with me - can't quite see Cheyl Tiegs out here.

Second boats are expensive -maybe you have a lot of money if so go for it. But boats are worse than French Mistresses - they require constant upkeep and fresh bangles and bobs and you are going to use her a couple of months a year - your return on investment is really lousy - imagine keep a French Mistress in an apt, the food, the clothes ect ect only to visit her a couple of months a year.

and fears are real and some can be overcome and some can not -- sometimes a gradual introduction of confronting the fear can work and sometimes not. depends on how understanding you are to listen to her.

Why not make a deal with someone like EuroMarine in Dubrovink to own or partially own one of their boats for your use when you want it but they can charter when you are not using it. And they do the upkeep and maintenance.

good luck but do not underestimate you mates fears - if you do you do so at your own risk of losing a fine mate

[SoundOfSilence]

Great plan, great boat! Just don't forget that 80% of those two months on board you will need for fixing and installing equipment. Sometimes the wife is not so happy with this. An alternative is to hire a deck hand who can do this for you.

Good luck