In a distant past... but not so long ago...
.
"I think it's time for me to have a sailboat in my life! OH the joys of the open sea! The distant islands! Me 'n my gal lolling about on the
deck while the
boat takes us to port for EXPLORATIONS! NEW CULTURES! FREEDOM!"

.
Then YOU pulled me into the MATRIX!

OH SURE! You offered me a choice... which was no choice really... "Take this pill or that pill... it's your choice WSMac!"
.
There I was... slinking about the docks... eyeballing
boats of various lengths - of
hull and
marine growth -

.
Making conversation with the liveaboards at the
marinas 
, "Yeah, I've lived aboard for 97 years and STILL haven't gotten my
boat finished so I can sail her out from the docks! BUT ONE DAY.....! "
.
Just like cruising the
internet for por... uhhhhh.... I mean... uh, 'portant information

.... I joined sailing forum-after-sailing forum creating imaginative names (that others already took)... hashing out complex passwords so I ALONE could enter the salty dregs of the keel-hauled keyboard Kaptains! "DON'T LISTEN TO OLD BLAH BLAH... he don't no nuttin'! I'ma tellin' ya dis here is the right way to do it... worked fer me nigh-on 2 years!" "SHUT UP YOU OLD SALTYSAILOR WANNABE! Listen to ME WSMac! Why... I was sailing ships when I was snot-high to a crumpton-swigish! Started out with my old favorite 'Tommy the Tug.. in the Tub by golly!"

.
I've spent SO MANY hours, Days, AND WEEKS curled up on the couch with my
laptop and library of 147
books on Sailing Basics, Rig
Rigging and Rogues, How to tar a wooden Lanteen... that the AMA is renaming the 'Fetal Position' after ME!
I'm so hunched over, when I go down to my boat people call out, "WHO LET THE ORANGUTAN OUT ON THE
DOCK?"

.
I've
sold so much blood and plasma now to buy "NEW THINGS MY BOAT REALLY REALLY REALLY NEEDS!" that I'm so pasty white my skin offers more UV protection from the reflection than the
solar radiation shields on the International Space Station!
But STILL I log into my "...Account Overdue..." at various
marine outfitters online... attempting to make "...just ONE more
purchase... PLEASE?

"
.
I've taped tennis balls to the bottom of my shoes because I want to 'condition' myself for the sea and the rolling waves!
I sit down to pee, and throw my
toilet paper in the corner of the bathroom because I read somewhere you shouldn't flush it down the head! All the while engrossed in yet ANOTHER Sailing magazine, Chart, or another used novel about, "How I took my bathtub... made a sailboat outta her... sailing into the big blue... broke through the polar ice cap and circumnavigated 3 TIMES before she finally sank!"

.
I now own a boat that I've worked on more than I've worked on my personal hygiene, nutritional needs, and love life that I no longer have to wear waders when 'going below decks'! No longer holding interesting cross-cultural conversations with the
mold growing everywhere inside... but still.. when I first get back onboard and catch that slight hint of mustiness... I kinda miss those talks...

.
Yep... I once was innocent to this world of the sea, content that the LAND was all I ever needed!
Water came out of the faucet... AND IT WAS PLENTIFUL AND HOT!
I could cook my greasy dinner on the
stove while
heating up coffee
water, microwaving popcorn while my
movie started playing on the
DVD player over my 247inch PLASMA TV

, with my
laptop playing YouTube Videos over by the fluffy 12 ft couch with vibrating massage and aroma therapy misting
ports... and I DIDN'T CARE IF I CAUSED A BROWNOUT in the neighborhood because I had a Cummings Quiet Connect Series 1000 kW Genset out back with enough
fuel to carry me through Arrrrrmahgeddin'!
.
Yeppers! Life was GRAND as I knew it so long ago!
.
But you know what?
The sailing life is kinda growin' on me!