Thinking About Going to the Dark Side for a Girl.

[eyschulman]

When ever an opinion pole is taken with an attempt to set up the thing as impartially as possible a lot of attention has to be given to the selected population in order to avoid results dictated by the nature of the population selected for sampling. Here we are posing the question of a human relationship against a man boat relationship. And who are we polling? A very selected population many who for varied reasons chose the boating and gypsy life style. How real is it to go through life without compromise? How antisocial would it be for an individual to go through life without compromise? I do not think such a thing as no compromise exists. I can not see any great success in the life of a person unwilling to make reasonable compromise to do otherwise would leave noting but an army of enemies in ones wake. A healthy relationship between a couple calls for mutual compromise on many levels including boating. To the original poster get advise about your love life somewhere else.

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by bobconnie

Connie say's, We raised 4 kid's on a 42 ftr, and they are NORMAL. So if a women needs more room then is available on a 50+ ft Mono. she's just to Fru-Fru!! We rattled around on the 50 ftr we just sold ! and we have more junk aboard then we have ever had in our lives !! She thinks maybe the ladys more in love with fancy then with you maybe ??

You and Connie are my parents

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by eyschulman

When ever an opinion pole is taken with an attempt to set up the thing as impartially as possible a lot of attention has to be given to the selected population in order to avoid results dictated by the nature of the population selected for sampling. Here we are posing the question of a human relationship against a man boat relationship. And who are we polling? A very selected population many who for varied reasons chose the boating and gypsy life style. How real is it to go through life without compromise? How antisocial would it be for an individual to go through life without compromise? I do not think such a thing as no compromise exists. I can not see any great success in the life of a person unwilling to make reasonable compromise to do otherwise would leave noting but an army of enemies in ones wake. A healthy relationship between a couple calls for mutual compromise on many levels including boating. To the original poster get advise about your love life somewhere else.

I'm going to start giving out my phone number because I feel like I'm missing some things here.

That was a very good point you have made.

[Seaworthy Lass]

Satdiver, if you need to ask the question, then she is simply "not the one". Do not give up anything or you will be miserable.

I have been with my hubby for 35 years now. I adore sailing and particularly cruising. After six years near full time on the boat I am getting withdrawal symptoms during our two yearly trip back home . But if my husband decided for some reason that he had truly had enough of the lifestyle and wanted us to pursue other interests, or if illness hit him and halted our plans, I would not go boating again. The reason this "works" is that I am confident he would do the same for me. It is as simple as that.

I certainly do not depend on him to be happy, nor do I depend on him in the slightest financially, but I just prefer to be happy with him than without him .

[beverley]

Originally Posted by rognvald

Satdiver,
Those who have a clear vision of life and have goals they desire to achieve cannot be successful when their mantra is "compromise." Compromise is the death knell of those who do not fulfill their life's dreams. Unlike creatures in the natural world, humans excel at rationalization. When a lion is hungry, he is single-minded in his pursuit of sustenance. When a human is hungry, he can be sidetracked for many reasons.

And yet, by compromise and working together, humans have achieved far more than lions ever will.

Compromise is a way of agreeing variations to a dream you both agree on. If you are a boater and she is not then no satisfactory compromise can ever be reached. There must be a level of compatibility, a common interest to build on of else it will be very difficult for you.

Also, given that she will be on the boat on her own for prolonged periods (because of your work), can she handle it? A 44 is a big boat. I have trouble with the size and weight of some of the equipment on a 47 footer. I have no such issues on a 26. Is she a 6 foot amazon or a 5 foot pixie? The biggest boat size for me, in terms of single handing, is about a 36.

[mrohr]

Warning ! Cynical view ahead :

GIRL FRIENDS SAIL , WIVES DON"T

[DoubleWhisky]

Originally Posted by mrohr

Warning ! Cynical view ahead :

GIRL FRIENDS SAIL , WIVES DON"T

It is simply not true. Happily

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Seaworthy Lass

Satdiver, if you need to ask the question, then she is simply "not the one". Do not give up anything or you will be miserable.

I have been with my hubby for 35 years now. I adore sailing and particularly cruising. After six years near full time on the boat I am getting withdrawal symptoms during our two yearly trip back home . But if my husband decided for some reason that he had truly had enough of the lifestyle and wanted us to pursue other interests, or if illness hit him and halted our plans, I would not go boating again. The reason this "works" is that I am confident he would do the same for me. It is as simple as that.

I certainly do not depend on him to be happy, nor do I depend on him in the slightest financially, but I just prefer to be happy with him than without him .

Love your line on "if you need to ask the question." Might paraphrase you with, "If you need to discuss your relationship on a boating forum. But I always had a motto, "When in doubt, don't."

[BandB]

Originally Posted by beverley

And yet, by compromise and working together, humans have achieved far more than lions ever will.

Compromise is a way of agreeing variations to a dream you both agree on. If you are a boater and she is not then no satisfactory compromise can ever be reached. There must be a level of compatibility, a common interest to build on of else it will be very difficult for you.

Also, given that she will be on the boat on her own for prolonged periods (because of your work), can she handle it? A 44 is a big boat. I have trouble with the size and weight of some of the equipment on a 47 footer. I have no such issues on a 26. Is she a 6 foot amazon or a 5 foot pixie? The biggest boat size for me, in terms of single handing, is about a 36.

I read the comments about never compromising. You don't compromise on your basic principles and values. What type boat is not one of those things. Life is made up of compromises. It's a path of working with others. Others you love deeply as well as others you don't even like. Most every decision you make every day, even the most minor of them, involves compromise. Just picking our where to eat lunch does. You may like one restaurant but not it's cost, another but not it's distance, a third but not in the mood for it today. Then if a second person is going, there is more to compromise. I would always laugh when there were four of us going to lunch from the office. When you saw the four trying to make the decision where to eat lunch, to compromise and find a mutually desired decision, you wondered how in the world were these four running a company.

I've never compromised on the important things like the love for my wife, or ethics in how I conducted business or matters of honesty and integrity. I don't compromise on certain beliefs such as how to treat others. But I sure compromise on decisions within life every day. Valentine's Day in two days. How have you decided how to spend the evening or will you celebrate it over the weekend? Where will you go? All that includes considering the preferences of you both. We thought about my favorite restaurant and hers, about nearby and far. We talked about many options. Then through compromising some of our desires to find what we really wanted to do we found the perfect Valentine's day. We will go out on the water, a captain driving. Get a bit offshore, go to the sun deck on top, remove our clothes, grill steaks for dinner and have salads. Sip champagne while sitting in the hot tub and then make love under the moon and the stars with the rest of the world far removed from our vision and thoughts, a night just for us. But then our compromises are easy because our love is so deep. We went through many choices though to decide on this one. The Saturday night we're having a Valentine's party at our home with all our closest friends.

[lifeofreilly57]

Compared to the intricate nature of human relationships boats are easy.
Now finding a partner who likes you and the cruising life too cuts the pool of eligible mates down quite a bit.
I'm just lucky my wife loves the life enough to put up with me, I'm not saying I'm getting crankier with age, but.....
Most people these days are not exactly looking for a life of adventure, there's a video game for that.....They think I'm crazy.
Good luck.

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by lifeofreilly57

Compared to the intricate nature of human relationships boats are easy.
Now finding a partner who likes you and the cruising life too cuts the pool of eligible mates down quite a bit.
I'm just lucky my wife loves the life enough to put up with me, I'm not saying I'm getting crankier with age, but.....
Most people these days are not exactly looking for a life of adventure, there's a video game for that.....They think I'm crazy.
Good luck.

Judging by these types of post you'll be seeing me on the next episode of My Strange Addiction - Sex with Alden 44

[blueyama]

Originally Posted by satdiver

My Strange Addiction

Keep it to your sailboat & your gf, and you'll be fine... No cheating on cheap american made cars.

[psneeld]

Originally Posted by Sand crab

Ain't nuttin' dark about a cat. Monos are the dark ones. Just sit in the salon and you'll get it.

And go to the average cat stateroom and get claustrophobic...everyone has their tastes...but that doesn't make it fact....

[D&D]

Originally Posted by belizesailor

Yep, bought a cat.

+1

[chris_gee]

As you say you have had a lot of long term live in girlfriends.
And a few boats.
Finding the perfect boat or girlfriend isn't easy or even maybe that likely. What might be ok tonight may not be in the morning.
Let's say your boat would be better if .........
Now as a compromise which all boats are you could have a different mix.
Sure you might take into account the input of a partner to a greater or lesser extent, but there is an old saying don't change anything until you have had it a year.
I wonder how much weight you would attach to the assessments of someone with little or no experience.
On a practical basis if you are away for half the year or at least working intermittently, you have the issue of how she fits her career around that.
Secondly how does her idea of living aboard relate to how it will be?
For instance how much lying around on deck working on your tan would there be? Taking a turn standing watch will give more sun exposure than most want. These days I don't even take off my shirt much and it has been years since I did any sunbaking.
I would be inclined to try it out for a year or two and then see where you move from there.