Non-Boat-Person Here - Getting Engaged (Involves a Sailboat) Need Advice

[cdennyb]

scrap the idea mate... invest that money you'd spend trying to coordinate all that movie magic on a boat and go cruising with her. Then you can have the milk without buying the cow. Get my drift? If it works out, marry her on some quiet beach in the islands.

[JiffyLube]

I think the big production you're thinking about is really not necessary, and if anything it's really overkill. The restaurant with the low lights is cool, the nice dinner is cool, getting down on one knee is fine, but this montage on the sail of a boat is a little much to me. I'm as romantic as the next guy, but intimacy is more important to me than creating a spectacle. Just do it the time proven way that most women imagine it will be done, and I'm sure she'll appreciate it just as much.

[mintyspilot]

I agree with Jiffylube - most women seem to prefer an intimate setting and personal attention rather than a spectacle. Besides, if she feels pressured in public she may say "no".

You don't need to impress her to get her attention. If think she's ready to marry you then you've already got her attention.

[weddingcruiser]

Thanks everyone for all the excellent advice!

I really appreciate all the feedback about whether or not I should do something like this for romantic / personal reasons, but that has already been decided upon - we've been together for more than 5 years, and at this point, the ring & the ceremony are more technicalities than anything else. I'm sure that many of you would prefer a small and intimate 'just-about-the-two-of-us' kind of proposal, but I know this woman very well, and I know that she would prefer bringing in our friends into the occasion. Many of our philosophies are really centered around the importance of building a really strong community of friends- and to us, many of them have become family. Her parents will be there, my mother will be there (flying in from my home in NJ), a slew of my friends will be there. She has no question in her mind of whether or not I will propose, she's merely concerned with when.... therefore the proposal itself isn't going to be an overwhelming occasion for her, but being there with her best friends and mother at our favorite restaurant will overwhelm her - it's something she would want.

As for the spectacle and theatrics - we work at theatres, we met working on shows on Broadway - we really fell in love with each other when we were touring Asia with a different show (the cast direct from Broadway in my home town of NYC). We're in the middle of a run of a show I wrote right now and we just started rehearsing for a new show that's going up in the summer. Our best friends are actors, designers, musicians and tech folks.... it's in our blood. I appreciate all of the words of advice to not do it because it's too theatrical, but being theatrical is what brought the two of us together. Thank God we're pretty down-to-earth people for being theatre folk, but this is definitely something that I'm no longer trying to figure out if I want to do, I want to figure out the feasibility of doing it... if not, I'm sure I can find something else, but I would love to do get a projection on the sail of a boat, and I don't mind spending the money (hell, I already spent a fortune on the ring! )

So bottom line, I'm going to do my best to do it, and any advice on the technical aspects of getting a boat to stay still, how much things should cost, where I should go to look for an interested party (where do sailors typically post and look online?), what an appropriate gift / $ would be for someone to do this, any unforeseen issues that i haven't thought of would all go a really long way in helping me to plan it out. I really appreciate everyone's advice so far and I beg that you keep it coming Thanks so much for everyone's help on this one!

[mintyspilot]

Originally Posted by weddingcruiser

we've been together for more than 5 years, and at this point, the ring & the ceremony are more technicalities than anything else

Hmmm... I'm not really sure that you understand what makes women tick. Well, most women.....

Originally Posted by weddingcruiser

I know this woman very well

Originally Posted by weddingcruiser

So bottom line, I'm going to do my best to do it, and any advice on the technical aspects of getting a boat to stay still

I'm sure people on here will help, but if it's going to be public, please stick it on YouTube. I'd love to see it.

Good luck, I hope it goes really well and that she says "yes".

[weddingcruiser]

Quote:
Originally Posted by weddingcruiser
we've been together for more than 5 years, and at this point, the ring & the ceremony are more technicalities than anything else
Hmmm... I'm not really sure that you understand what makes women tick. Well, most women.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by weddingcruiser
I know this woman very well

Sigh.... all I mean is that she's expecting me to propose because we've been together for 5 years. It's an inevitability. As most women would assume.

[TaoJones]

Originally Posted by weddingcruiser

So bottom line, I'm going to do my best to do it, and any advice on the technical aspects of getting a boat to stay still . . .

Oh, is that all? Okay, turn off the wind, stop the tides and currents, and halt any other vessel traffic within a few miles. Hmmm . . . better make the sealife hold still, as well.

But seriously, the best you can probably do is to have the vessel pre-positioned at the right spot before-hand, anchored bow and stern. The caution about a "fouled bottom" refers to tons of crap that may be littering the bottom there, so no skipper with a clue is going to drop his anchor(s) into the mess - he might very well never see his anchor(s) again.

There may also be restrictions on anchoring in the place you want the boat, anyway. Why not approach the nearest yacht club and talk to the guys in the bar. Tell them what it is you're thinking of doing and see what they have to say. They will know the area better than anyone, probably, and if it's doable, one of them may make his vessel available for your project.

TaoJones

[weddingcruiser]

Originally Posted by TaoJones

Oh, is that all? Okay, turn off the wind, stop the tides and currents, and halt any other vessel traffic within a few miles. Hmmm . . . better make the sealife hold still, as well.

But seriously, the best you can probably do is to have the vessel pre-positioned at the right spot before-hand, anchored bow and stern. The caution about a "fouled bottom" refers to tons of crap that may be littering the bottom there, so no skipper with a clue is going to drop his anchor(s) into the mess - he might very well never see his anchor(s) again.

There may also be restrictions on anchoring in the place you want the boat, anyway. Why not approach the nearest yacht club and talk to the guys in the bar. Tell them what it is you're thinking of doing and see what they have to say. They will know the area better than anyone, probably, and if it's doable, one of them may make his vessel available for your project.

TaoJones

That's excellent advice! Thanks TJ!

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by mintyspilot

but if it's going to be public, please stick it on YouTube. I'd love to see it

+1

[JiffyLube]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

Trick is to find the right woman

(BTW the pub crawl wasn't a celebration. I was going anyway )

Ain't that the truth!...lol

[MarkJ]

So bottom line, I'm going to do my best to do it, and any advice on the technical aspects of getting a boat to stay still . .

The last few days here have been getting quite warm!
We have been invited over to a pool side lunch and swim today!
So is the weather still hot like yesterday?

NO.

Its stormy, wet, rainy, cold and generally shitty. I don't even want to leave the boat in case the wind comes up as we are anchored on a lee shore.
The people we are visiting are going tomorrow and we will never see them again (the sad part of cruising).

So a quick VHF call and the folks understood perfectly. No hugs good bye, just a 'see you later' on the radio.

Thats fine for us cruisers, we know the weather bows to no man.

The theatre is an closed, controlled environment. Ask a film director about doing outside scenes with sailing boats where they need a particular type of weather. More weather days than a month of Sundays.

If you are going to rely on a boat, sail and weather to pull off the proposal, then you need an excellent alternative plan.

All the best


Mark

[Old salt Eric]

Originally Posted by slomotion

Welcome aboard!



Yes:

1. When there's no wind. This happens pretty much happens every time I go sailing;

or

2. When the boat is anchored it naturally turns into the wind. If it's windy, you'll get a lot of sail flapping, but in light winds the mainsail can pretty much be made to hang flat.

As for the rest of it, I'm thinking alien abduction or demonic possession.

What is normal to the spider, is chaos to the fly...

[boatpoker]

Wedding Cruiser, you are talking to guys who may know a little about boats but I'd be a little skeptical of their relationship counselling skills

From a guy who has managed to hang on to his grade 10 girl for 45 years .... go for it.

[Seaworthy Lass]

Originally Posted by boatpoker

Wedding Cruiser, you are talking to guys who may know a little about boats but I'd be a little skeptical of their relationship counselling skills

From a guy who has managed to hang on to his grade 10 girl for 45 years .... go for it.

Boatpoker, this thread is nearly four years old. The OP never returned to report on his July 2010 proposal. Hopefully he has been happily married for several years now .

PS From a gal who has been hung onto for nearly 35 years, all the bells and whistles beforehand are just not needed. Instead, on a daily basis put a little bit of that effort into keeping the relationship running smoothly .