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Old 09-07-2015, 10:41   #46
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

OP, do you and your wife feel the same way about adventure, thrills, risk-taking, and things that excite you? What do you get out of sailing and the outdoors vs. what she gets and wants out of sailing? What is she feeling when the boat is heeling/overpowered? Does she feel that she could safely control the boat if something happened to you? How much has she been praised for her sailing efforts? How much has she been encouraged to ask questions about sailing? How many potential female sailor role models has she met? How would she describe her dream trip?
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:42   #47
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

If you are still in Hawaii have her take a course at the university. Taught by the women's sailing teem and I had a riot. Half the pleasure was being with students that didn't have a worry in the world. Biggest worry was where they were going to eat. No pressure and sailed in the harbor until the last day.

Happy to take you out if you are still around Honolulu.
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Old 09-07-2015, 11:03   #48
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Just in case you missed it, what Steady Hand said. )
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Old 09-07-2015, 12:09   #49
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

That's the problem with many (not all) women: they see no fun in being dirty, wet, sea-sick and cold. And some-mostly American women- do not like to be "bossed around". Funny thing about it; girlfriends used to "love" sailing. But when they catch the "fish" they throw the bait away.
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Old 09-07-2015, 12:45   #50
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

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Originally Posted by kellyp08 View Post
That's the problem with many (not all) women: they see no fun in being dirty, wet, sea-sick and cold.
Don't know too many men that enjoy this either.



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And some-mostly American women- do not like to be "bossed around".
You're kidding, right? If not I guess you don't get out much. I don't know too many women anywhere in the world that like to be bossed around. I have several women friends in Europe that would have a very firm "discussion" with anyone trying to boss them around.


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Funny thing about it; girlfriends used to "love" sailing. But when they catch the "fish" they throw the bait away.
Maybe you just had the wrong girlfriends or maybe they realized they had the wrong fish when it was reeled in.
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Old 09-07-2015, 13:20   #51
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

I like to think that couples like the same things!!!! So you need to start by having a conversion to see if you are a couple.Then if one has had a bad sailing experience think of the type of sail you like and ask them to come along.
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Old 09-07-2015, 13:50   #52
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

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I'm trying to figure out the best way to reintroduce my wife to sailing, she had a horrible experience with lessons that totally shook her confidence, and convinced her she could't ever possess the skills to sail. Long story short she took lessons in Hawaii with an instructor that I guess raced and thought she should too,he screamed at her the whole time, and ended up telling her that this might not be for here. My wife loves everything about the ocean and I know if I can find a way to show her sailing isn't whatever that guy shoved in her head, she could at least have a chance at enjoying it. But I'm just starting lessons now, so I'm not a wealth of knowledge. I have some ideas, but maybe you guys have better ones, any idea would be well appreciated.
Let's recall what the OP said. His wife loves the ocean, she is (or was) ready to sail, but had a really bad experience with an instructor. I'd probably quit sailing too if I had an rude, arrogant guy tell me I am not cut out to be a sailor, or I'd punch him in the nose. Sailing is fun, first and foremost... maybe a day with a really GOOD instructor on a Hobie Cat, after that Caribbean cruise on a multihull, will really seal the deal for her.
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Old 09-07-2015, 13:51   #53
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

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Originally Posted by subnate View Post
I'm trying to figure out the best way to reintroduce my wife to sailing, she had a horrible experience with lessons that totally shook her confidence, and convinced her she could't ever possess the skills to sail. Long story short she took lessons in Hawaii with an instructor that I guess raced and thought she should too,he screamed at her the whole time, and ended up telling her that this might not be for here. My wife loves everything about the ocean and I know if I can find a way to show her sailing isn't whatever that guy shoved in her head, she could at least have a chance at enjoying it. But I'm just starting lessons now, so I'm not a wealth of knowledge. I have some ideas, but maybe you guys have better ones, any idea would be well appreciated.
Hi, subnate. The background to my response is based on the past 25 yrs. cruising.

I have to thank Steady Hand, he took the time to point out in a reasonable fashion most of the recommendations I would have made first off.

Clearly, your good lady wife had a nasty experience with a poor instructor. Sorry about that. There are shouters in the world. I never sailed with one, and Jim wouldn't. It might be a good idea to see if she still has any energy left in that bad experience, possibly fears.

I personally am not too keen on the idea of chartering a big cat, etc., etc., mostly because I think the two of you need to have good times together in an atmosphere that you will be able to provide for later on. I also think she'd feel good about your asking her how she feels about Steady Hand's suggestions. It wold be a starting point for how the two of you can work together to make it fun for her. To put it bluntly, if it isn't fun for her, what would be her motivation to sail with you at all? So, whatever she needs for "fun", that's the direction you want to move in. Keep it within budget. Women don't like feeling financially threatened.

Finally, while generally, I think it is better for women to learn separate from their husbands, [mostly due to relationship dynamics, i.e., wanting to be "equal"] there are a few women that learning together with their menfolks does work for. See what your wife thinks she would prefer between classes with you or with a bunch of women. Keep in mind that if extended cruising is what you have in mind for the future, both of you need to be competent watch standers and skippers, for the others' peace of mind. The woman who is just a beautiful doll on the boat is in grave danger if anything happens to incapacitate the skipper.

One additional benefit of taking the sail training separately is that you will have slightly different experiences and new knowledge to share with each other.

Good luck with it, to both of you.

Ann
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Old 09-07-2015, 14:16   #54
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Go www.cruisingclub.org and look for the updated Safety for Cruising Couples workbook. I'll be glad to explain more when we return from our month's cruise to Maine and get on the Internet again.
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Old 09-07-2015, 14:16   #55
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

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That's the problem with many (not all) women: they see no fun in being dirty, wet, sea-sick and cold. And some-mostly American women- do not like to be "bossed around". Funny thing about it; girlfriends used to "love" sailing. But when they catch the "fish" they throw the bait away.
He he he. You've clearly never tried bossing around a Turkish, Sicilian or Newfie woman.

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Old 09-07-2015, 14:20   #56
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

I don't really think an all women's type session is a good idea. Maybe your gf would appreciate it but I think mine would jump overboard if forced to sail with a boatload of women
Also a cat isn't a good idea unless it's in your future plans.
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Old 09-07-2015, 15:14   #57
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

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I don't really think an all women's type session is a good idea. Maybe your gf would appreciate it but I think mine would jump overboard if forced to sail with a boatload of women
Also a cat isn't a good idea unless it's in your future plans.

New wife cheaper than new cat with a jacuzzi on the top deck.....
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Old 09-07-2015, 15:36   #58
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

I understand! I love the ocean, the islands, and living on a boat. I am a little afraid of the wind, waves, heeling, etc. I did not grow up around sailboats. My husband has a dream of live-aboard. We started by taking a sail, having a short private lesson, and then bought ourselves an old boat. We worked together to get her ready to launch and are now sleeping on her and practicing our sailing skills. We are approaching everything slowly, learning together, and building our confidence. My husband is so patient, helping me to gain confidence. I want to do this, but it takes me longer than him! Working together to fix up our boat and learning our skills together has been amazing. He is not outrunning me. We are in this together and hope to someday meet our dreams!
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Old 09-07-2015, 17:59   #59
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

My wife understands emotions and people. She does not understand the material world and sailboat. I, too, have essentially been a single hander. She does steer, and we have worked out a series of hand signals for anchoring. We've never flown a spinnaker. Each year I teach her again how to start the engine, tie a bowline, and how important it is to release the dinghy and sea anchor immediately, if I fall overboard. She does love the sea. She did buy the sailboat with me. She loves seeing wildlife on the ocean like giant sunfish and basking sharks (which we have only seen once in 20 years+ of sailing.
Let your expectations match her comfort zone.
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Old 09-07-2015, 18:48   #60
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

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This would be my suggestion. Maybe charter a cat so she gets to hang out on a boat that sits level and doesn't rock.

Maybe the BVI in January when it's cold and nasty in VA.
Oh yes, here is your answer !!!!!! She probably doesn't really hate sailing, just the experience she had.
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