Scared sh@#less!

[Sea Frog]

I have been readin' the forum for last 5 or 6 years, and made my decision to go cruising 4 years ago. After mucho learning and thoughts and a bit of good luck, I was able to buy the boat a year ago, and spent last summer working on it fixin and doing stuff. Now, in about 1 month I am supposed to take my family and go to the boat and start well, cruising at least until October, but I find myself scared!

I found that the boat is big (45'), and is somewhat hard to handle (docking is pain, long keel you know, doesn't really allow you to steer well in reverse). OK I am installing a bow thruster, but still. It will be a short handed sailing, my wife doesn't know a thing about sailing and I myself, while do have experience in actual sailing, am not that good in docking. I am not confident.

I found that the amount of work is tremendous. I spent almost all summer last year working non-stop, and while the boat is almost in good enouh shape to go sailing, there are always things to do. I learned ton of new things and I am positive I can now fix anything, but hell, last year I just was working to the point of being completely emotionally and physically exhausted... Where is the FUN part???

I found myself to be afraid to cast off and go! I subjectively tend to stay in marina and do endless works perfectin the boat. We did only 3 sailing days last summer, the rest we worked! But this is not how it is supposed to be, yet this mode offers an illusion of safety and stability, while sailing away means complete uncertainty.

I found myself in fear of finding out that all my ideas about happy cruising life were nothing but just my imagination and in reality it is not that great at all. I am afraid my wife will hate this life (yes I did all I could to make life comfortable incl installing a good washing machine). This is The Biggest Dream I ever had and I almost made it happen, but thinking of possible failure makes me shiver...

I am afraid that my ideas of happy cruising childhood for my son is nothing but an illusion and he will be unhappy (or my wife will be unhappy because 24 hours a day with an active 6 years old is not that much fun). I have a gut feeling that what I am about to do, is going to be good for him, but what if I must made that up and I am plaing wrong???

So basically it is a time to do a reality check and make The Step, but I am afraid! Can you imagine? I was always advocating and promoting cruising lifestyle, and my intuition was telling me that what I am about to do is right, but hell what if I am wrong?

Just tell me guys that you once made that decision and never looked back! Or did you? Gimme a bit of support can ya?

[DeepFrz]

Get out there with an experienced friend or hire a tutor and practice. Practice until you start to feel comfortable. Then take your wife out with your tutor until she is comfortable handling lines etc. Get her involved. I'm watching a Youtube series (Winded Voyage) where a guy, because he is Swiss, had to do a 1000 mile journey with a tutor as part of his license requirements. Then he buddy boated with a friend to a number of cities. After that he felt competent enough to go on his own and to take his family with him. Not saying you have to go to that extreme but practice with a tutor is well worth while in my opinion.

[SV Bacchus]

Sounds like you've done enough work. Remember, you can't wait til the boat is 100% as it will never get there.

Sounds to me like you need to hire a captain for a week and go sailing without the family. You will learn even more about your boat while building the confidence to take the family out. That is what I would do if in this situation.

[dwedeking2]

What if you're wrong? Then you're out some time and money. Meh. But you learned new things and can say with confidence "It wasn't for me".

The only mistake that really matters is the last one (that kills you), the others are learning experiences and you can move on from them.

To get over docking worries the solution is practice. For the record I stress over the first and last 100' on any trip still lol.

[zeehag]

i find long keels track better both forward and reverse than fin/ spade or other performance cruiser combos.
mebbe it is just me, but straight? no issue.
complex steering?? in reverse (to avoid mega yachts with crew watching closely, waiting for me to screw up) no issue. these actually go where you steer em . they track well.
maybe your prop is not pitched correctly. mebbe you havent enough practice.
perhaps all you need is more time behind wheel both sailing and motoring.
play with your boat and figure out what you and boat need before venturing out into the great unforgiving ocean.
i also learned how to make my huge turning diameter a smaller diameter--i will never have a turning radius, but my diameter can be made smaller as i practice. try it.

[ranger58sb]

Originally Posted by Sea Frog

... while do have experience in actual sailing, am not that good in docking. I am not confident.

So basically it is a time to do a reality check and make The Step, but I am afraid! Can you imagine? I was always advocating and promoting cruising lifestyle, and my intuition was telling me that what I am about to do is right, but hell what if I am wrong?

Just tell me guys that you once made that decision and never looked back! Or did you? Gimme a bit of support can ya?

So if you're wrong, the world doesn't end. Good experiment, good learning experience, move on.

But no need to throw in the towel just yet. You have obviously realized some of your weaknesses. That alone is a big step forward. Now address those weaknesses.

Ref docking: hire a teacher, spend at least 4 hours docking your boat. Then the next day, go by yourself and spend the whole day docking your boat. In and out. Your slip. Different slips. Wherever you can find a temporarily empty slip to practice (safely)... Stern-to. Bow-to. Side-tie up on a face dock. Just do it all over and over again...

Do all that even before bow thruster installation... or if its already in, practice without using the thruster as much as possible...

But the additional key is: pay attention to your teacher, to yourself, to you experiences. Remember what worked. Remember what didn't work.

-Chris

[boatman61]

Its likely your sailing experience and boat handling has been in fin keelers.. a completely different animal..
Take here out and find a buoy somewhere quiet without a lot of traffic and practice reversing up to it, alongside it and controlled bow approaches.. the hardest thing to learn is think fast-go slow.. learn to avoid the panic full forward thrust then the full reverse you need to compensate all the while kicking you off where you want to end up..
She's a deep heavy boat so tidal currents are going to affect you more than wind.. learn to use them to your advantage at the buoy where you've space to play safely.
Slower is best.. despite what todays world teaches you..
Get out in local waters and play.. in a few weeks you'll find 'local' has stretched quite a bit..

[montenido]

Sea Frog,

There is some great advice offered already. I'm almost 10 years into boating, have made many long passages, and still get nervous when docking. In fact, I just purchased a new-to-me 52' boat in the SF Bay area that I have to bring back to Los Angeles. I'm nervous about that too.

Just get out and use your boat. Take your family for a weekend trip somewhere close. Anchor (good practice), swim, and have fun. Everyone needs to get used to the workings and confines of the boat. You are going to love it, but take baby steps to begin with. Leaving the slip is SO much more fun than repairing your boat.

Hire a Captain, as suggested above, and have fun. Please keep us posted of your progress. You are going to be just fine.

Cheers, Bill

[Delancey]

You'll feel differently after you make it down to the Bahamas.

[Paul Elliott]

I find myself somewhere in the worry/fear/panic spectrum every time we cast off on a significant passage -- every time -- and I've done this a lot. It's a big world out there, and you never know what's going to happen, so the worried feelings are completely reasonable. I would be more concerned if you *didn't* feel like this.

As for me, I've learned to accept it. Within a few hours, or a day of casting off, you will likely be feeling much better about the whole thing. Yes, do practice docking, do help your wife get more familiar with handling the boat, and no, don't cast off if there are still serious issues to be taken care of, but don't let your perfectly natural feelings of concern stop you.

[svHyLyte]

Originally Posted by Sea Frog

I have been readin' the forum for last 5 or 6 years, and made my decision to go cruising 4 years ago. After mucho learning and thoughts and a bit of good luck, I was able to buy the boat a year ago, and spent last summer working on it fixin and doing stuff. Now, in about 1 month I am supposed to take my family and go to the boat and start well, cruising at least until October, but I find myself scared!

I found that the boat is big (45'), and is somewhat hard to handle (docking is pain, long keel you know, doesn't really allow you to steer well in reverse). OK I am installing a bow thruster, but still. It will be a short handed sailing, my wife doesn't know a thing about sailing and I myself, while do have experience in actual sailing, am not that good in docking. I am not confident.

Don't count on much from the thruster in any wind. Windage will overwhelm the thing quickly/easily. In re: "docking" do things slowly. If you aren't bored coming into a slip, you're going too fast. Further, help your wife learn to steer the boat. It's not that hard, akin to driving a big, slow bus. You handle the lines.

Originally Posted by Sea Frog

I found that the amount of work is tremendous. I spent almost all summer last year working non-stop, and while the boat is almost in good enouh shape to go sailing, there are always things to do. I learned ton of new things and I am positive I can now fix anything, but hell, last year I just was working to the point of being completely emotionally and physically exhausted... Where is the FUN part???

I found myself to be afraid to cast off and go! I subjectively tend to stay in marina and do endless works perfecting the boat. We did only 3 sailing days last summer, the rest we worked! But this is not how it is supposed to be, yet this mode offers an illusion of safety and stability, while sailing away means complete uncertainty.

A boat is never "finished" or "completely ready". Cruising is, in part, the art of fixing boat in exotic locales with inadequate tools and improvising. If you can basically keep the water out, the boat sailing and the engine running when needed, you're "ready". You can fix "stuff" along the way. You'll have to. ("To do" lists never grow shorter. They multiply given findings will doing "to do's".) You can only be certain of a few things will cruising--that your to do list will grow, sometimes exponentially, and that your experiences will be different than your wishes/expectations. As my (much) better half says, however, "Don't let your expectations get in the way of your enjoyments". Initial anxiety is part and parcel of the experience. You'll always feel it at the outset of a cruise to some degree but it will subside as you go along and as you gain experience.

Originally Posted by Sea Frog

I found myself in fear of finding out that all my ideas about happy cruising life were nothing but just my imagination and in reality it is not that great at all. I am afraid my wife will hate this life (yes I did all I could to make life comfortable incl installing a good washing machine). This is The Biggest Dream I ever had and I almost made it happen, but thinking of possible failure makes me shiver...

I am afraid that my ideas of happy cruising childhood for my son is nothing but an illusion and he will be unhappy (or my wife will be unhappy because 24 hours a day with an active 6 years old is not that much fun). I have a gut feeling that what I am about to do, is going to be good for him, but what if I must made that up and I am plain wrong???

So basically it is a time to do a reality check and make The Step, but I am afraid! Can you imagine? I was always advocating and promoting cruising lifestyle, and my intuition was telling me that what I am about to do is right, but hell what if I am wrong?

Just tell me guys that you once made that decision and never looked back! Or did you? Gimme a bit of support can ya?

See my (much) better half's quote, above, and rest assured that if something's not working, you can always change it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained is a truism. Having tried and failed is far preferable to never having tried at all so long as your willing to try again, or try something else, when confronted with failure. Think, Edison he failed repeatedly, thousands of times, yet we ended up with electric light bulbs, no?

FWIW...

[barnakiel]

Generically, there is nothing in a sound and well maintained 45' boat that would call for the extra maintenance you are facing. Bad boat choice, that's that.

b.

[zboss]

We also have a long keel and I am horrible at docking. My solution is simple - hit things really really slowly. You bounce off and the scratches come out - mostly. Meh.... everyone hits the dock once in a while.

Don't hit concrete docks and don't hit other boats.

Where are you located?

[Sea Frog]

Thank you, folks, for all the great advice above! The idea with a hired teacher\captain is great and I will most likely do that, to gain an initial confidence.

Originally Posted by barnakiel

Generically, there is nothing in a sound and well maintained 45' boat that would call for the extra maintenance you are facing. Bad boat choice, that's that.b.

The boat is structurally sound, absolutely dry, has the engine in great shape, and have no problems as the boat. All the maintenance I did and still have to do, is about "extras". The boat came with extremely old, antique electronics that did not work, so I had to completely change all the electronics, plus install new power bank, various chargers, new power cables, fix the freezer (I wish I would just take off the old, marine one and install a domestic one, it would be cheaper and easier), change old gaskets in portholes, rebed porthole glass, fix heads, clean and paint inside, install washing machine etc. I did know when I bought it, that I will need to do that kind of stuff, but she is in a great shape in terms of the hull so considering the price I paid that was well justified.

Originally Posted by zboss

We also have a long keel and I am horrible at docking. My solution is simple - hit things really really slowly. You bounce off and the scratches come out - mostly. Meh.... everyone hits the dock once in a while.

Don't hit concrete docks and don't hit other boats.

Where are you located?

The boat is in Italy, near Genova.

[sailorboy1]

Maybe stop reading books and forums because they are mostly promoting all things one MUST have and do in order to not die on a boat.