Non sailing spouses

[shadow]

It actually took me a while to convince my wife about boats. At first she thought it was a crazy idea as she never really saw a proper sail boat. Her misconception was that they were old, falling apart and usually populated by shady gypsies!! Then I took her to a few boat shows and showed her how they have advanced since she last saw one. She was very impressed and loved them. But she was only willing to perhaps live on a Cat.

After a while, she is happy as hell with a mono. She just loves the idea of the freedom and independence that may come with the boat. We have seen many of our friends purchase very expensive home to get their dream homes only to be constantly burdened by hidden problems, bad neighbors, etc..

I keep telling her that people pay millions for a glimpse of water from their window let alone waterfront property. I tell her, you can pay a fraction of the cost and have a 360 degree of ocean front property and if the neighbors or crappy, just pull up anchor and find another inlet, harbour, etc..

I think that alone pushed her over the edge to be full steam ahead in getting a boat. It may be a romantic vision at this point but we are both very adaptive and want this lifestyle. I think wanting and being forced into it are two different things and it's half the battle. Who knows, when we get the boat, I may post on this thread with a completely different outlook with screams!! LOL

[JiffyLube]

Before I met my wife I was focused on getting my own boat, and sailing whenever and wherever I wanted. I didn't want to develop a relationship with a woman, since women seemed to be one of the reasons I never got a boat. I had no problem dating, but I wasn't interested in more than that...unless I met a woman that wanted to do what I wanted to do, and had something to bring to the table (money) besides just the desire.

Along the way to getting my boat, I met a woman that said she wanted to do what I wanted to do, and had something to bring to the table (money). I made it unquestionable known what I wanted to do (with or without a mate), but that did not deter her...she wanted to throw in with me on the dream. We got married, pooled our resources, and bought a boat we both liked. Everything was looking unbelievably good, until the first day that we sailed together. While she had been on power boats on one of the Great Lakes (that was her boating experience), she had never been on a sailboat on the ocean.

Our boating partnership at times as been very frustrating and disappointing, with me at times thinking that maybe we should separate, so that I could continue on with my dream...that now didn't seem like hers anymore. I tried everything that I could think of to get her more involved. I hired a Captain to give her some training. We took numerous US Power Squadron classes together (which she enjoyed to my surprise). I gave her names of experienced people she could sail and learn from, both men and women. I hunted for other people to go sailing with us, so we could have more hands aboard. I tried to think of anything that would make sailing better, but nothing seemed to really have an impact on her. My last effort was to let her pick the time and day that she would like to go sailing (in an effort to take the feeling of pressure off of her), but that didn't really work out very good either. I could see that the more we went to the boat to sail, the less she wanted to go (she wouldn't say she didn't want to go, but it wasn't hard to tell she didn't have her heart in it.)

Finally after so real soul searching talks together, I found out what her problems were. She confessed to me that she has a depth perception problem (we got her a new prescription eye glasses that have helped), and that she feels uncomfortable when the boat heels to much...something I don't have a problem with. Before we met she fantasized about sailing on a boat to far away places, but it was just a fantasy...probably from watching to much TV. Now the fantasy is real, and it's not what she thought it was going to be, so now she is in the process of trying to love it. This whole thing has turned into a compromise for both of us. She will try to learn to love what I do, and I will not have a fully developed dream. We will try to satisfy each other as much as we can, but if we can't then we will have to go our own ways...as much as neither one of us really wants that to happen. Time will tell if we will succeed, but I know we're hoping it will.

[Talbot]

Many ladies with a power boat background, cannot get over that fear of being tipped over. It permeates their whole experience on a boat.

Try a few days on a cat to see if that helps to solve the problem - as that may be half the puzzle.

[Tim88]

I love sailing, so do my two boys, but my wife doesn't go on the yacht. After trying for years to get her aboard, changing the yacht three times and doing all the cooking etc myself she still didn't like it. I finally found out she is not comfortable in deep water, if she can not touch the bottom then its not going to happen.

Sollution - sail without my lovely wife. The boys and I head away for the long weekends, doing boys things, fishing diving etc. She stays at home and has some time without three demanding boys (me included). Its not what I want but I have to live with it. The yacht and sailing is my dream, not hers, I have to make allowances so that she gets to do what she wants to do, which is normally shopping!!

Sad to say some girls will never enjoy sailing, and nothing I can do will change that.

[Talbot]

Fred Drift

Hi Tim, Mandurah is a nice area, and I have long term plans which include eventually living in that area.


Back to the subject!!!!!!!!!

Having (almost) had the old ball and chain surgically removed from my wallet, there is no way that I am going to get involved with another who does not want a significant amount of the same things I do. I hope (if it happens again) that we can be friends and explore our similarities and wishes - perhaps now I am older, the blood wont flow out of the head and allow the other brain to rule.